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Mental Health Use this forum to share your mental health concerns and to seek advice.

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Unhappy I'm Going Crazy!!! FML!!! - December 26th 2009, 11:10 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of eating disorders, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I really hate my life. The guy I'm into doesn't want me and is dating someone else(I've mentioned this many times before). Last night they became "Facebook official". Merry f$&@!#g Christmas to me. Everytime I log on I have to see it and see all the congratulatory comments people are making when I would have given anything to have just one chance with him. I wish I wasn't me and that I was someone who was worth it, like she is. I always lose out to someone else, and when I do get a boyfriend he never actually gives a shit about me. I was depressed to begin with and this doesn't help. Depression sucks to begin with but then you get punished for it. People tell you you're too difficult to love and ignore you. You fail everything and never get what you want. Someone else is always unfailingly better than you. It's so unfair. Added to this my sick Uncle Greg is staying with us for awhile. He sick because of germs and I refuse to touch anything he has touched because I am uncomfortable with "outside" germs. I'm scared to eat off our own dishes because he uses them too. I also don't like using our bathroom for the same reason. I'm really hungry right now but am too scared to eat. I'm bulimic but that won't happen anymore because I don't trust the toilet. My bulimia is quickly turning into anorexia. What a great Christmas.

Last edited by SimplyComplex; December 27th 2009 at 04:33 AM. Reason: Added ED prefix
   
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Re: I'm Going Crazy!!! FML!!! - December 27th 2009, 01:58 AM

I'm sorry you're feeling so down in the dumps right now.

I just wanted to encourage you to get evaluated by a mental health professional. The symptoms you are describing are pretty classic OCD related symptoms, as well you mentioned you are depressed and struggled with disordered eating. Many Mental illnesses like depression, eating disorders, and OCD are treatable with medication, therapy, and lifestyle changes such as getting enough sleep. It is however very very hard to go it alone. Your life is valuable, and with treatment things CAN get better.


When people hear OCD they usually picture people who wash their hands hundreds of times a day, or are constantly checking to make sure doors are locked, or have to touch everything a certain number of times. But a lot of people have something called "Purely Obsessional OCD" (which is what I have) where you have repeated unwanted thoughts or images that produce a lot of anxiety (called intrusive/obsessive thoughts) and cause the person to try to avoid situations that trigger the thoughts, or try to avoid thinking about the thoughts. Most of my intrusive/obsessive thoughts revolved around a fear i would embarass myself, a fear i would get hurt, or a fear i would hurt someone else.

There are a few things that helped me deal with my constant worry from the intrusive thoughts.

1) First of all I didn't avoid the things I knew were irrational. For example at different points I was afraid of my cell phone electrocuting me while it was on vibrate and afraid of falling down the stairs. If you know the fear doesn't make much sense, purposely facing it over and over can really help. This is called exposure. If you are afraid of things that can hurt you (like being near someone who has been violent towards you in the past) or if the fear is so upsetting it makes you want to hurt yourself or someone else, it can be dangerous to try to expose yourself without the help of a mental health professional experienced in anxiety disorders.

2)Also, when I have a worry thought, I found it very helpful to say to myself "I am not thinking about (insert worry thought here). I am doing a body scan." and then quickly note how I'm feeling in my body (tense? heart racing? butterflies in my stomach? ) paying attention to my body, even if it was just for 20 seconds helped me focus on something other than the thoughts, and then i would go right back to what i was doing.

3) Remember that you are not choosing to have these thoughts, and that they do not mean you are crazy, a bad person, or going to act on them.

4) if you are at home and the anxiety is really strong try filling up a large bucket or bowl with ice water and sticking you face in it as long as you can, or taking a very cold shower for 5 minutes. the extreme cold makes it very hard to focus on the worry thoughts

You may or may not be dealing with intrusive/obsessive thoughts which are possibly related to OCD or another anxiety disorder, but these things still might help.


even if youre not having urges to cut using some of the suggestions on the alternatives to self harm list (its a sticky in the self harm section of the forum) may help you feel better if your feeling really overwhelmed. if you're feeling hopeless maybe you could try doing something that makes you feel more in control or better about youself. challenge yourself to take a small step towards one of your goals. do something difficult but realistic like working out, studying, etc or do a chore around the house/make cookies for an elderly neighbor to make you feel good about yourself.

you're not alone.
megan



When the patient's body has betrayed them,
and all the sciencewe have to offer has failed them,
when worst-case scenario comes true,
clinging to hope is all we've got left.
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Re: I'm Going Crazy!!! FML!!! - December 27th 2009, 02:46 AM

Thanks. I assume you were talking about my germ issues. I will definitely have to try your tips. As for my guy problems, I don't know what to do. My love life has always been an unhappy story. I wish my life was like a movie, where there is a happy ending and it only takes an hour and a half to get it. Guys just don't like me(are women who are 5'8 and [Edited by Essence: Please do not post weight numbers on Teen Help] pounds too fat to date? Am I too ugly? That's me in my avatar at left. Feel free to give an opinion.). I won't stop puking or starving myself until someone can prove to me I'm lovable.

Last edited by SimplyComplex; December 27th 2009 at 02:59 AM.
   
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Re: I'm Going Crazy!!! FML!!! - December 27th 2009, 03:30 AM

well yes, the germ phobia is classic ocd, but the repeated thoughts about that guy may be obsessive as well. In your profile pic you look beautiful. I probably weigh twice as much as you (not even exaggerating.) But when i get caught up on weight, i remind myself that a guy who only dates girls based on looks is pretty shallow and not the kind of guy i like to date anyway.

I think that its problematic that your hoping for a disney movie happy ending, because thats not what life is. in the disney movies the get married and live happily ever after. in romance films the characters are head over heels for each other, that physical attraction that gives you butterflies. but i dont think that's how real life is. sure, there is a stage where youre falling in love, and are filled with lust and sexual attraction. but that phase of being in a relationship ends and turns into a love of companionship, of being there for one another, not just going on dates and sleeping together. i think thats why the divorce rate in the US is so high (something ridiculous like almost 50% i think) because once the honeymoon stage is over some people lose interest and are ready for another fling. not to mention, i dont believe in "happily ever after". have you ever heard that cheesy miley cyrus song- the climb? i think it talks about how love is not a destination- its a journey. once you find a guy who loves you, or get that job, or what ever doesnt mean you'll be happy from then on. have you heard the saying "happiness isn't a destination- its a journey"? there will always be things to deal with in life, but i think that it is possible to learn how to still enjoy life and be at peace with life, even with stress. it sounds like you have a lot on your plate, and therapy might really really help you manage your stress better. i hope you will seek professional help- you're worth it.


Megan



When the patient's body has betrayed them,
and all the sciencewe have to offer has failed them,
when worst-case scenario comes true,
clinging to hope is all we've got left.
-grey's.anatomy-
   
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Re: I'm Going Crazy!!! FML!!! - December 27th 2009, 03:50 AM

Thanks again Megan. I have a hard time with
my thoughts and get very angry at times. I prefer myself to be sad because then all I will do is cry and not act irrational. My avatar pic is unusually good; generally I am not pretty at all. I have a huge nose, awful skin, weird hair and eyebrows, any flaw you can name I most likely have. But thanks for the compliment anyway.
   
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