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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Untethered Offline
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Anger management issues - December 31st 2009, 10:32 AM

Well, I kinda feel weird posting about this, but it's been a major concern of mine for a long time, so I figured I'd try to get some advice. I'm also assuming this is the right forum to post this in. Please let me know if it's not.

Basically for my entire life, I've had trouble managing my anger and frustration. When I get mad, I have an often unconteollable urge to smash and break things nearby. It rarely lasts for more than a few seconds, but I very often end up flinging something across the room, smashing something nearby, or punching a wall. I've shattered my expensive laptop's screen (a few times), put my fist through the wall by my computer desk, and broken many, many small objects that I've got lying around.

I've never hit another person, nor have I ever felt the urge or desire to. I have rarely ended up striking myself, often on the leg, when no breakable object is within reach, or if I manage to realize what I'm doing quick enough to avoid breaking things. I've bit my hand before hard enough to leave teeth marks, but never drawn blood.

I feel so pathetic admitting how out of control I become, but in truth, I'm scared. It's terrifying to not be able to control oneself, and I've definitely scared my girlfriend. I never yell at her, but I do yell around her, and she's let me know just how much she hates that, yet I lose control and do it anyway.

My anger usually strikes when I'm playing videogames. If I lose a battle or something in a game when I feel I shouldn't, and it's against another player, I just instantly go from calm to screaming fury. I feel cheated out of victory, and outraged that "the other guy" probably thinks he's better than me when in my mind, I deserved victory but it was stolen from me. It's immature and stupid, but it's an instantaneous reaction to that sort of situation.

It's happened a few times in real life as well, though much more rarely. Also, in those situations, I feel that my anger is more justified, such as during a martial arts match when my opponent struck me in the eye intentionally, despite blows to the head being strictly forbidden. It's these situations which make mr feel that the physical nature of my anger reaction is because of the feeling of "power" I have associated with my body... I have the power to do a whole lot of damage with my strength and training, and the urge to use that power is strong.

On those rare times when I resist that initial urge to break or hit something, I stay angry for many minutes afterward, unable to just let my anger go. I often burn it off by either shouting or talking to myself about how whatever my opponent did makes them more of a loser. It calms me to think of some way how I really did win after all.

I really don't know what to do at this point. I don't know what there is I CAN do to control my anger and stop myself before I break something important to me again, or alienate my girlfriend further. Please help me, I don't know what to do.
   
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Re: Anger management issues - December 31st 2009, 03:58 PM

Hey there,

I think that it's really great that you've managed to identify that you're having some issues with your anger management and that you've managed to open up and talk about it. That takes a lot of effort and courage and it's something you've achieved, so well done. There is no need to feel 'pathetic' admitting how things have become, feel proud that you're actively trying to do things about your anger and how you deal with it.
Have you ever talked to anyone professional about these issues that you're facing? It seems as though your day-to-day life is really being affected by this problem and so you should not hesitate to seek out help for how you're feeling. There are people who you can talk to to try and work out special things that you can do to control your behaviour and mood and hopefully stabilize your anger somewhat more. You could consider talking to a doctor or to a counsellor about this.
As for self help, there is a very good article [here] from MayoClinic which has some good tips on how you can help yourself with your anger. Relaxation seems to be the key! Please do consider checking that out.
If you're at risk at hurting others and hurting yourself, this is definitely something I'd urge you to talk about with a professional.

Take care.
   
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Re: Anger management issues - January 1st 2010, 10:17 AM

Thanks for the reply.

Unfortunately, the tips in that article really don't work for me, because I'm never thinking clearly when I get into a rage like this. I just snap from calm to berserker in a second, even if I know I'm about to lose in my game or whatever the case may be. I wish I had the ability to say, "Alright, I'm going to count to ten," but by the time I think to do that, I've already punched my laptop or thrown a cup at my door, or screamed some obscenity while on the phone with my girlfriend.

I've got no idea what I can do.

I've thought of seeking professional help, but I don't even know who I'd need to talk to. My college provides free counseling for students, so I could go see a counselor there, but would an ordinary counselor be the best person to help? I'm pretty sure none of them have degrees in anything.

It bothers me so much because I'm a calm, collected individual most of the time. I feel like I have no choice in my own actions, and it disgusts me that I just can't control my feelings of anger at something so insignificant. My emotions over a stupid videogame shouldn't be so intense.
   
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Re: Anger management issues - January 10th 2010, 12:20 AM

Anyone else have any advice? I really don't know what I should do.
   
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Re: Anger management issues - January 10th 2010, 01:14 AM

Hey matt ,
I also have some serious anger managment issues, but I'm too weak to hit anything so I generally just end up yelling. I know how you feel, I hate it and afterwards I always feel so weak and useless for letting my anger get the better of me. My dad and mom both have issues as well and my dad actually hit my mom one time and ended up in jail for it. I think just the fact that you've realized this about yourself and taken the time to write it shows that you can and will improve. When you snap, try to stop yourself. You said you can't count to ten but try doing it instantly like ok let's say someone beats you in COD (I don't know if you play that but I get pretty pissed off when someone knifes me, just saying) before you throw your controller to the ground try taking a pause. I don't know how you could do this is you find yourself unable to say "I'm going to count to ten" but just close your eyes and breath really deeply and then think about what it is that's making you so angry. Ughh I feel like this isn't helpful cause you said you can't really do that and I completely know what you mean I just snap and then after I'm so frustrated with myself I start crying and just hate myself even more. I think the best thing to do would be to get professional help... my mom is a psychotherapist and I know one of her patient's has anger management issues. I'm not sure what you mean by a regular consellour... like a guidance counsellour? You could try there and if that doesn't work go a therapist cause they can actually help. Also maybe, try telling people about this and then if you start screaming at your girlfriend she can be like "Hey, count to ten" and you know, support you in controlling your feelings. Anyways, good luck and I think it's really great that you want to do something to fix it. PM me anytime


Forever in debt to your priceless advice
   
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Re: Anger management issues - January 12th 2010, 09:08 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicolexx View Post
Hey matt ,
I also have some serious anger managment issues, but I'm too weak to hit anything so I generally just end up yelling. I know how you feel, I hate it and afterwards I always feel so weak and useless for letting my anger get the better of me. My dad and mom both have issues as well and my dad actually hit my mom one time and ended up in jail for it. I think just the fact that you've realized this about yourself and taken the time to write it shows that you can and will improve. When you snap, try to stop yourself. You said you can't count to ten but try doing it instantly like ok let's say someone beats you in COD (I don't know if you play that but I get pretty pissed off when someone knifes me, just saying) before you throw your controller to the ground try taking a pause. I don't know how you could do this is you find yourself unable to say "I'm going to count to ten" but just close your eyes and breath really deeply and then think about what it is that's making you so angry. Ughh I feel like this isn't helpful cause you said you can't really do that and I completely know what you mean I just snap and then after I'm so frustrated with myself I start crying and just hate myself even more. I think the best thing to do would be to get professional help... my mom is a psychotherapist and I know one of her patient's has anger management issues. I'm not sure what you mean by a regular consellour... like a guidance counsellour? You could try there and if that doesn't work go a therapist cause they can actually help. Also maybe, try telling people about this and then if you start screaming at your girlfriend she can be like "Hey, count to ten" and you know, support you in controlling your feelings. Anyways, good luck and I think it's really great that you want to do something to fix it. PM me anytime
Unfortunately, if it was as simple as deciding to stop myself, I'd have no issue. It's always just as the controller leaves my hand that my mind goes "Damn it, not again."

The counselors I was talking about are therapists, I believe. I've never seen one, but they're there for mental health issues. Stress, etc. I just don't think any of them are trained in psychiatry or anything.

Thanks for the reply.

Has anyone ever gone to see a therapist or counselor about anger issues? Would they probably be able to help me?
   
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Re: Anger management issues - January 13th 2010, 05:07 AM

Hey Matt,

You said u cant control ur anger but u can controll wat makes u angry. I have a few freinds who used to be hardcore "gamers". Away from the game they were normal guys , never got angry, were pretty quite but when they played video games (WOW specifically) it would be like jekyl and hyde.

u said urself u only get mad at video games...so stop playing them as often. My freinds who no longer play tell me that it was an addiction, idk if ur at that state but u probably get mad because of all the effort uv invested in the games, and u tie ur self esteem to them

just my 2 cents


Here we are, trapped in the amber of the moment. There is no why.
Kurt Vonnegut
Be content with what you are, and wish not change; nor dread your last day, nor long for it.
Marcus Aurelius
I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
Winston Churchill
   
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