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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
survivor. :)
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Name: Anna
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Counselling - February 21st 2010, 07:54 PM

I've had counselling a few times before... hasn't worked once. Things recently started getting worse again for me so I spoke to a teacher who kinda forced me into seeing a counsellor. I think I kinda want too, I want to get help. But i'm scared!

For starters I don't want my parents to find out, I know the counsellor won't tell them, they won't even know I go. But then I feel guilty that i'm doing it behind their backs... They should know really right? But I really can't tell them! I'm scared they'll stop me going and go back to being what they used to be like, I can't deal with that.

Is it even worth it, given it may not even help? Should I feel as guilty as I do about it? Is there anything else I can do about it?

Any thoughts would be appreciated <3
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Counselling - February 21st 2010, 08:18 PM

I had counselling last year and really didn't want to tell my parents about it, but I did go anyway, there was nothing to lose, and I thought it would help me.

Why don't you want your parents to know? For me it was because I didn't want to let them down I guess, and I didn't want them to know I was having problems either. And my dad thinks counselling is rubbish, although that's only because he would never go to one.

But really, there is nothing to be ashamed of, and no one needs to know and it is all confidential, so if you think you'd benefit from it then you have nothing to lose!

Oh and you said you think your parents should know? They don't need to know, some things are easier talked about with someone you don't know eg a counsellor, and you could always tell your parents at a later date when you feel ready?
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
survivor. :)
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Re: Counselling - February 21st 2010, 08:46 PM

Same for me really, I'm scared of letting them down cos they think i'm doing okay and I don't want them to worry again. I've had some bad experiences with counsellors/therapists... so if this doesn't work I don't think anything will.

I might see how it goes? I guess I can always stop if I feel uncomfortable..?

Yea I feel a lot more comfortable talking to someone else about it, I really don't find it easy to talk to my parents about things but they just don't get that and I struggle with them knowing.
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Counselling - February 22nd 2010, 08:21 PM

Personally, I think it's good to have parents know if their child (not saying you are A child, but you are THEIR child) is attending counseling sessions, although it should definitely be their child that tells them. Often times it helps parents to be more sensitive to their child's needs and helps them to be more supportive. It is your decision, though.

I've personally been in counseling myself, mainly because I was required to attend sessions for a class. Even though I didn't go in with any "pressing" issues, I benefited a lot from even just the 4 required sessions. The keys to benefiting from counseling, in my opinion, are: being willing to open up, being open minded, and having a good match for your therapist. That last one is especially HUGE. If you don't feel that your therapist is a good match, be honest with them about it. But, don't take a little bit of discomfort with opening up for being a "bad match."
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Counselling - February 22nd 2010, 08:36 PM

Heyyy Anna.

It's perfectly okay to be scared - counseling is a huge step to take. Like I told you earlier, though, you have to jump before you can fly. You may find seeing a counselor to be very helpful - having a safe environment to release your thoughts / feelings, somewhere you can get things off your chest. Instead of keeping it all bottled up, you know?

It's a scary step, especially if you've had bad experiences with counselors in the past. However, not all counselors are the same; it can take a few tries to find someone you 'click' with. If you decide to see a counselor, and you don't feel comfortable talking to him/her, you don't have to stay - you can always try switching around until you find a counselor you like.

You don't have to talk to your parents if you don't want to. I do think, though, it would be helpful if they do know. Your parents can be your biggest support system hun, and having them know means you won't have to hide it. They're your parents, they do care about you and want you to be okay. You can let them know what's going on, and tell them you aren't comfortable speaking about it with them and that you'd like them to respect that. Remember that you don't have to answer their questions if you aren't comfortable doing so.

All in all, I'd say it's definitely worth giving counseling a try. Take a risk, you never know what may happen. I'm super proud of you, you've come so far since I've known you. Take really good care of yourself and stay strong.<3

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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Counselling - February 22nd 2010, 09:30 PM

Hey there.

Firstly, well done for talking to you're teacher and getting the help you need. Thats a great step forward.

Secondly, i know how it feels to not want you parents knowing about it. However, i was 15, so they had to know. Because your seventeen and you're 'rents dont have to know, i wouldnt say you should feel guilty about not telling them. Its you're choice. You're more in control of it that you would be if you were under 17, so take it as a privalidge. Dont tell them if you dont want to, tell them if you do. Dont feel bad.

I think its definatly worth going too. I mean, theres nothing to lose but everything to gain right? Yeah, it may do nothing and may seem pointless, but on the other hand, it may help you a lot. So its worth the trry.

I hope it all goes okay for you.


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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  (#7 (permalink)) Old
survivor. :)
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Re: Counselling - February 23rd 2010, 08:48 AM

BigBL87 - thing is though, they try to support me in completely the wrong way. They search through my bags/room whenever they like, they would take my laptop off me, not let me have my bedroom door shut, not let me sleep out at any friends, not let me go on any trips and some more... I can't have that again, I really can't. I'd love to be able to tell them, but I just don't think I can risk that happening again.
Thank you.

Sarah - you have to jump before you can fly.. I like that saying now :P but yea its true... I met this really nice one who I got on with really well, but I have to go on a waiting list so I might not end up with her.
Thing is.. I couldn't just block them out like that it hurts them more
I wish I was strong enough
Thank you honey.

Jessica - Thank you. I guess it is my decision and they don't have to know, I just can't help feeling bad about it.

I might go for it... We'll see I guess.
Thanks guys<3
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Counselling - March 8th 2010, 08:25 PM

Never feel guilty for getting help dear. But remember that there's no such thing as magical counseling where things just get better instantaneously... so don't fret if after a few sessions you don't feel as if they've helped. That's perfectly normal <3.

It can certainly be scary, but you seem like you're really ready to get help, which is beautiful, so definitely keep on. As for your parents not knowing, that's often the case when it comes to school counselors; it's okay if you need to speak to someone privately. And if you think that your parents would be opposed to you getting help, then it's both fine and wise not to tell them just yet (or ever, if you choose).

What counts is that this could help, so I'd say go for it <3 You're taking a huge step, so don't hold yourself back <3.

- Nev

if i've ever learned anything, it's to be loved.
funny how accepting and allowing that can be so hard,
when loving someone else can be so easy.
the thing is, we accept exactly what we think we deserve,
no matter what that may be.
so i'm thinking it's time to change our mindsets;
if we haven't yet figured out that we deserve the best,
then it's certainly time.
think about it ;]
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
forfrosne Offline
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Re: Counselling - March 8th 2010, 08:48 PM

You say they 'should know', but why? How is it any of their business? If you're having problems, and you're dealing with it (in this positive manner), they're better of knowing. If it takes a turn for the worse, maybe.
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
survivor. :)
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Re: Counselling - March 8th 2010, 09:08 PM

Thanks guys.
I guess I think they should know because they are my parents after all.. They deserve to know I guess. I just don't know if it is worth it.

I'm on the waiting list for an NSPCC service and I saw the school counsellor today for the first time.

Hopefully it will work!

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