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Borderline Personality Disorder - April 18th 2010, 08:03 AM

The deal is that I've exhibited symptoms from it for years, and though I'm barely past the age most psychiatrists consider it "safe" to be diagnosed with a personality disorder (I'll be 19 in June), I'm terrified that I have it.

What's worse is that my mother also suspects I might have it (she studied psychology in university and grad school, though didn't become a psychologist with her degree), and my therapist has been starting to suspect the same.

I've been through diagnosis and misdiagnosis and because of this, have been comfortable believing that maybe I don't have a diagnosis at all. Though this could still be the case, we still haven't touched but briefly on BPD, and I'm worried that it might actually be the diagnosis I need to start focusing on the core issues, in therapy, that make me, well, me.

There are two things that concern me. I'm not one for self-diagnosis, so I would definitely want to talk to my psychiatrist. But I'm not sure how to approach the issue. I'm seeing a new psychiatrist on campus, who's great and though my old psychiatrist was great, I feel more open and confident speaking with this new psychiatrist. But how do you bring up the idea that you might be suffering from suchandsuch without seeming like a hypochondriac?

The second thing is my boyfriend. My boyfriend has lasted with me for almost a year, but I feel as though I've put him through hell throughout it. I'm moody and temperamental and have gone through some extremes (such as threatening self-harm, break-ups, etc.) that have really, really hurt him. I realise that Borderline Personality Disorder can be treated, or at least worked with, but that's through years of therapy and medication... I'm on medication now but have been wanting to wean myself off of it in the (hopefully near) future. I'm scared if he realises that this is who I am at the core, or that this is something that's actually a product of a bigger issue, or that I might need medication for a long time to treat it, he might leave me for it. So how would I approach the issue with him as well?
   
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder - April 18th 2010, 08:20 AM

Well, I'm no specialist nor psychologist for the diagnosis thing. But if you want to tell your new psychiatrist that you might have BPD, tell him whole the truth. Tell him that you've seen different psychiatrists and that they think you might have it. If you tell it like that, it doesn't look like self-diagnosis.
About your boyfriend, maybe you should tell him the truth. You know, such a things are remarkable. Your boyfriend is not stupid, if you don't tell it to him he will remark there's something wrong anyway. It will end by him asking questions about it. I think that the best thing you can do, is to tell him. Explain him everything, explain it honestly. Because if one day he has to discover it on his own, he will be furious because you didn't tell him.
I know how that whole situation is. I'm also on nearly-diagnosis of a Personality Disorder (another). I'm hearing whole the time things like 'you might have it, you don't have it, you might have it, I'm sure you have it' etc. And I don't have a boyfriend, but a very good friend who was beginning to suspect something. I told her everything. She understood it. She never told anyone else. It's a secret between her and me.

But I can tell you this: I'm glad that your parents know of it, because it's very, very hard if they don't.

If you need someone, you can always PM me.
   
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder - April 18th 2010, 08:27 AM

Thank you, that helps. It's especially nice to hear someone else who's in the whole have it/might not have it situation. I hope it gets figured out soon. And I'll probably talk with boyfriend about it in the morning. It's just... ugh. He wants me off all the "crap," as he puts it, because he feels it's harming my body, especially with the way I'm so loose with it, so I worry about disappointing him. But I guess it really is best to be honest, and I'm glad your friend understood. I'm sure boyfriend will too, it's just embarrassing.
   
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder - April 18th 2010, 09:20 AM

Yeah, it's not easy at all to tell it to a friend or boyfriend, but it helps. You know, when I told it/tried to tell it to my friend, I asked her to go walking in the school garden during the noon, and I nearly started crying because I didn't dare to tell it but finally I did.
And it will not be easy for your boyfriend to understand it, because maybe he noticed something is wrong, but it's very probable that he doesn't know this disorder. He might need a while to understand it, and if he does need that, don't be afraid, it's gonna be okay. Tell him that you are not mad, it will give him some reassurance.
Good luck with telling him!

Oh yeah, about the 'dissapointing'; it's normal that he wants it to get over, because he doesn't know yet what it is. I'm not sure, but Borderline never gets over, does it? But explain him that, however it never gets over completely, it's possible to work with it and to reduce the symptoms.
   
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder - April 18th 2010, 09:32 AM

Borderline Personality Disorder is one of those things... Some people say it lasts forever; others say it can go with time. I personally don't believe personality disorders are permanent. I believe in chemical imbalances, and I do believe in mental illness, yes, but I don't believe in permanence unless it's a severe mental disorder. I believe that any personality disorder can be treated with therapy, but it's intensive therapy, many years of therapy, and medication. So that's where I stand with it.

I normally walk... or do something fun. Being active whilst talking about serious issues has been proven the easiest way for many teenagers, and people in general. But boyfriend lives in England and alas, I live in California. So it will have to be over the phone or over Facebook or text messaging. I want to believe I could talk about it with him on Skype or on the phone? But at the same time, I'm not sure I'll have the courage when I have the option of writing it out. Writing is when I'm most elegant, composed and clear about what I need to say, not to mention calm...
   
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder - April 18th 2010, 09:35 AM

Another worry I have is I want to be a psychologist...

The issue I have with that is yes, I'm fairly objective, yes, I'm able to distance and separate myself (for the most part) when giving advice (when listening to someone rant or putting in my two cents, it's as though I become a completely different persona, which could contradict BPD completely), and I'm good at putting on a front, but my views of people do change, and sometimes rapidly. What if that causes problems in my job? Would being in therapy for the time I need/have until I get my degree be able to help minimise the possibilities of fucking up my career...?
   
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder - April 18th 2010, 10:56 AM

You should talk about that to your psychiatrist. He can know the best if you are able to do such a job. I used to want to become psychologist, and first my psychologist thought that I would be perfectly able to do that, but now even he says that it's impossible for me. And I know very well that.
I don't know you enough to judge whether you are able to do it or not. It depends. But you have to know that it won't be easy. And you have to be able not to let influence your feelings or ideas about someone the therapy, when you are psychologist.
   
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder - April 18th 2010, 02:01 PM

I will, though if they tell me if it's an impossibility, it's only going to drive me to work harder at getting better, even if the idea of no longer needing therapy or the idea of not having a problem terrifies me...

Becoming a psychologist has pretty well been a lifelong dream of mine, and three of the total therapists I've seen (one an intern, one a therapist and one a psychologist) have agreed that I'd be good at it, including many of my friends. But my old best friend and my mother have expressed concerns about it as far as what issues I would definitely need to learn to work with, but they also said that with proper training (that all psychologists receive) I could easily learn to overcome those issues. I guess it's my own insecurities getting in the way. I mean, I haven't even been diagnosed with it yet! But even if I am, I won't be any different than the way I am now. So I shouldn't put a problem out there that hasn't been solidified. After sleeping on it, I feel so much better.

Thank you so much for your advice. Oh, and I texted boyfriend that I need to talk to him about something and will be sending him a Facebook message about it...
   
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder - April 18th 2010, 07:35 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by PlayingPretend View Post
Borderline Personality Disorder is one of those things... Some people say it lasts forever; others say it can go with time. I personally don't believe personality disorders are permanent. I believe in chemical imbalances, and I do believe in mental illness, yes, but I don't believe in permanence unless it's a severe mental disorder. I believe that any personality disorder can be treated with therapy, but it's intensive therapy, many years of therapy, and medication. So that's where I stand with it.
I don't believe they're permanent either. The symptoms can decrease and usually do so naturally with age.

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Originally Posted by PlayingPretend View Post
Another worry I have is I want to be a psychologist...

The issue I have with that is yes, I'm fairly objective, yes, I'm able to distance and separate myself (for the most part) when giving advice (when listening to someone rant or putting in my two cents, it's as though I become a completely different persona, which could contradict BPD completely), and I'm good at putting on a front, but my views of people do change, and sometimes rapidly. What if that causes problems in my job? Would being in therapy for the time I need/have until I get my degree be able to help minimise the possibilities of fucking up my career...?
You won't be unable to become a psychologist despite your BPD unless it impairs your ability to perform. Many psychologists and therapists in their specific area have experienced what they're focusing on from having it or from knowing people who have had it. If you're worried that people won't hire you as a psychologist or therapist, then there's really about 1 circumstance I can think of where that'd occur but chances are it won't (i.e. in the government for psychology). Besides, people cannot refuse to hire you based on your medical record, at least in Canada because they cannot have access to it unless you give them access. They can ask if you have any illnesses that you think my impair you but if having BPD doesn't, then don't put it.

The therapy may help but I don't have BPD so I really cannot say, at best I could give statistical information on it but whether you succeed or not isn't something I can say.
   
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder - April 18th 2010, 08:18 PM

Thank you. That helped a lot.
   
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder - April 19th 2010, 03:32 AM

There was another thread posted here about BPD. I had said in it how I might have it, seeing as my one online friend I talk to, who has it, says shes pretty sure I have it. I can't do much about it right now though.

However, as well as possibly having BPD I might have BP2, thus my moods change, sometimes I say things that I've been told are exaggerated, I hurt myself, I do a bunch of stuff that has driven friends away. In fact, I lost a friend because he can't handle the fact that he thinks I'm "out of my goddamn mind", as he said. This guy has BP (Type 2 I think) and OCD. But, I have an online best friend, pretty much acts like a boyfriend, and he tries his best to help me. In fact, he says he wants to live here with me and if we do live together, he wants me to get help and stuff.

Point is, I'm sure your boyfriend, if he really loves you, would be willing to be there for you through thick and thin. And sorry, I tend to ramble sometimes.
   
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder - April 19th 2010, 05:46 AM

Hurr. I misunderstood your post... By BPD, are you referring to Bipolar Disorder? That's the only disorder with the initials BPD that I'm aware has a Type 2. I'm talking about Borderline Personality Disorder, which is completely different than Bipolar, although Bipolar was a misdiagnosis of mine. I hope you get sorted soon, however, as any disorder can be difficult to live with, especially when you don't have the resources to start getting over it.

That being said, discussed it with boyfriend and he said "I don't care what diagnosis they slap you with, you're my girl, and you're still perfect for me." I love the boy to pieces. <3
   
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder - April 19th 2010, 06:36 AM

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Hurr. I misunderstood your post... By BPD, are you referring to Bipolar Disorder? That's the only disorder with the initials BPD that I'm aware has a Type 2. I'm talking about Borderline Personality Disorder, which is completely different than Bipolar, although Bipolar was a misdiagnosis of mine. I hope you get sorted soon, however, as any disorder can be difficult to live with, especially when you don't have the resources to start getting over it.

That being said, discussed it with boyfriend and he said "I don't care what diagnosis they slap you with, you're my girl, and you're still perfect for me." I love the boy to pieces. <3
Oh, NOOOOO. BPD = Borderline Personality Disorder. BP = Bipolar. But yeahs, I hope to get my stuff sorted too. This stuff is no good.

Thats good that he's so supportive.
   
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder - April 19th 2010, 08:43 AM

Whoa! I completely misread your post LOL. I read it as BPD2. -_-
   
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder - April 19th 2010, 10:54 AM

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That being said, discussed it with boyfriend and he said "I don't care what diagnosis they slap you with, you're my girl, and you're still perfect for me." I love the boy to pieces. <3
Oh, I'm so glad for you that everything went well after talking to your boyfriend.
   
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder - April 20th 2010, 05:43 AM

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Whoa! I completely misread your post LOL. I read it as BPD2. -_-
Its OK. BP2 and BPD resemble one another in text, so with my rambling it may have all run together.

Last edited by Batman.; April 20th 2010 at 05:49 AM.
   
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