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Avicularia Offline
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Don't think its paranoia, but i'm pretty paranoid... - April 19th 2010, 12:56 AM

Not really tired, so i thought i'd ask about something thats been bugging me for a while...
Basically, i get really paranoid about stuff when i'm alone. I've never had a bad experience or anything, like my house has never been broken into, i've never been attacked etc etc so i don't know hwere its come from, and i think its got worse.
I've been left home alone for a few days at a time now (I'm 16) and i get so scared of everything. We have a treadmill, in a conservatory, for example. I was running on it at about 7pm, but managed to convince myself every little movement outside the room was a person. Its really noisy so i couldn't hear anything, and i nearly always wear my ipod. I kept looking to the right, every few seconds, and in the end had to get off it as i was too scared that i wouldn't be able to hear if someone broke in or was in the house. We have dogs (albeit small ones) who tend to bark at most things abnormal, but i even convince myself that maybe they didn't hear it.
I can't walk upstairs if its dark going up, and i *constantly* look behind me/in doors. And i have to run and do a funny turn when i get to my room to check there was noone following me. I normally stay downstairs when i'm home alone, with most of the lights on, although it still scares me that the TV means i can't hear things properly.
My dog then has to be in my room if i'm home alone, so if someone comes in she will hear them and bark.
I think up all these ridiculous possibilities which scare me even more. Even as i'm writing this, as my bedroom is dark (although parents are home), i'm thinking about things i can't see and have to keep looking around.

And i work on saturday mornings in a vets, smallish building, fairly light, has been broken into though, although not for a while. I get in at 8.30, second person doesn't get in till 9. Its on a busy street, backs onto residential gardens etc. But still i get in, close the door and have to stand stock still for about 2 mins just listening to see if i can hear anyone upstairs. then check the back door is still locked and not been broken in, and look up at the windows. Even after i think its "secure" i terrify myself and hate hoovering (i have to clean the floors in that time), and have to always be able to see the door, and genuinely think someone is going to walk in. A nurse did come in early before, and i looked up and saw her in the doorway, i have genuinely never been so scared in my life, I suddenly stood bolt upright, heart went crazy and i physically shook. Just because i'd convinced myself someone would break in and "come and get me".

Wierd thing is, i'm fine when out and about at night in the city, (maybe not in properly dark places/parks/countryside) and i'm less scared than most of my friends of the people when we're out.
Never take/taken drugs etc Drink every now and again, but not much even then,

oops thats a ridiculously long post
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Re: Don't think its paranoia, but i'm pretty paranoid... - April 21st 2010, 06:31 AM

What you're experiencing is actually quite common. =) I'm okay with being alone in my apartment, but I can't STAND being home alone at my dad's house. I'll usually confine myself to the living room (because it's right by the front door) and my bedroom (because I can lock the door behind me). I keep the volume of the TV low, and I often dart quickly from one room to the next, keeping the lights on until just before I go into my bedroom. I used to think that I was being paranoid as well... but it turns out that many of my friends can't stand to be in large homes/offices by themselves, either!

Take kick-boxing classes. Not only is it good for you, but you will become stronger and feel more confident in your ability to defend yourself. Also, you may want to buy a lightweight baseball bat, and keep it somewhere in the room that you spend the most time in. Sometimes, just knowing that you have the physical ability to defend yourself is enough to alleviate your fears. You may also benefit from seeing a psychological professional. CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) is often used on patients who suffer from anxiety (I wouldn't really call this paranoia, because it's not completely irrational to worry about someone breaking into your home/office if you live in a "bad" part of town).

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Re: Don't think its paranoia, but i'm pretty paranoid... - April 21st 2010, 11:41 PM

Thanks for the reply, i figured it was fairly common, but it just seems a bit 'extreme'.
Like my work is on a busy road, a fairly small building and backs onto terraced house gardens. Its not a 'bad part' of town at all, and still after i've checked every possible way someone could have got it, i'm convinced that there is someone in the building and won't go upstairs until a second person is in.

Also not sure if its related but when on holiday i realised i have a fairly bad phobia of dark water. i couldn't swim in a poorly lit (tiny) pool after dark, and got seriously freaked out when at the deep end and i couldn't see below me, even though i'd spent ages underwater at the shallow end staring at it.

I guess i just have an over-active imagination, imagining crazy things that are impossible and then believing them (i thought there was a person/shark in the swimming pool that had somehow appeared in the 5 seconds it took me to swim a length. Duhh. And if i'm in my room thinking about things like that, i will think "what if there's a man behind me?" And then actually believe there is, and get more and more scared until i look.)
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Re: Don't think its paranoia, but i'm pretty paranoid... - April 22nd 2010, 03:15 AM

i have a hard time going into dark water as it is. i always think something will grab me and pull me under and devour me. but in the dark? wow i would never ever swim in the dark. my limit is the day no other time. you sound pretty brave to me.

" One day at a time, this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering. "

i wonder when i'll finally jsut start accepting myself, when i'll stop saying i wish i could be like that person.

i have facebook, and myspace. and you can ask for it. :P
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Re: Don't think its paranoia, but i'm pretty paranoid... - April 22nd 2010, 08:42 PM

I agree with what's been said.

As for the water issue, to me, that makes sense, simply because we're not programmed to go directly into situations in which we're not in control or in which we aren't certain about it. I am an extremely strong swimmer, but even I have a hard time swimming in water that's not clear enough to see through, especially when it comes to swimming pools. There's something eery about swimming in the deep, dark end with those dimly lit pool lights... When I was younger, I used to pretend it was a haunted ship. That says something. xD
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