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Jessica__111 Offline
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drugs got me here, now im stuck - May 21st 2010, 03:05 AM

im so lost in my own head i dont know what to do, where i am
My mum is mentally ill, she has been all my life, she'd fly into fits of rage and do horrible spitful things pointlessly, i grew up with it, i know what crazy looks like, my mums a junkie, a complete slut, ive been to 14 schools, ive had 3 stepdads, ive never been in one place more then 6 months, and im 17,

When i was 16 i ran away from home with my boyfreind, we thought we'd start new lifes together, quit these drugs, get jobs, make money, go somewhere
we skipped states and i lost contact with everyone in the whole world that i knew,

ive done drugs since i was little, my mum always has and she pretty much condoned it when i started. My family consists of drunks, addicts, abusers so i dont have any contact with them ever, i dont know my brothers or sisters and my dads away.

it started when i tried acid last year, my brain felt like it came out of my body, i couldnt think more then two words, i thought everyone was trying to kill me and i called the cops and i got into alot of trouble for calling cops to a sharehouse full of drugs. I never did acid again, but since then my mind is not the same,
I did DMT, i left my body and went somewhere else, i was paralyseld i couldnt move, its an experience that changed my life and i belive that there is a different world with other people on it,
i think theres bugs everywhere, my thoughts dont go together and the scariest thing is my fluency is deteriating, the most frusterating thing is when im thinking about something and then say in my head what am i thinking about i wont have any remembernce of what it was, i can forget things pretty much instantly.
have i been smoking these drugs for to long already, is everything happenening how i think it is,

If my boyfreind thinks im crazy he'll break up with me and i'll be homeless, stuck in this cycle, im going nowhere and i can see so clearly where im headed if i dont change IM SO STUCK! what do i do
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Music Offline
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Re: drugs got me here, now im stuck - May 21st 2010, 03:37 AM

Ah, there's something you should know.
First of all I'd like to say I've been where you are, the drugs, mom being mentally ill, feeling like I'm going crazy, all that. There's something that those of us with a family history of mental illness should really be told when we're younger, and that is that drugs can cause a dormant mental illness to come to the surface. It's not the drugs that gave you the problem, it's your genes, but the drugs made it a problem and made it worse than it might have been if it came out on it's own. My problem is bipolar disorder, I can't tell you what yours is, or if you even have one, only a doctor can. I would suggest seeing a doctor, the longer you wait the worse things can get, and there are ways to help you. There is medication that can make things better, it won't make things perfect but it really does make a difference when they work.

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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Jessica__111 Offline
Welcome me, I'm new!
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Age: 27

Posts: 19
Join Date: May 21st 2010

Re: drugs got me here, now im stuck - May 21st 2010, 07:31 AM

mum always said to me "dont do drugs jodie, i't'll send you insane i promise
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drugs, stuck

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