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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Yours Truly Offline
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Name: Ashley
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Location: Ohio, USA

Posts: 388
Blog Entries: 8
Join Date: July 21st 2010

this is weird... - July 21st 2010, 08:05 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of eating disorders, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

ive always been overweight...
im insulin resistant,
meaning my body overproduces insulin
and basically everything i take in that isnt burnt off right away
gets turned to fat.

im obese, and im working to change that. working out, eating healthy, etc..
but im not getting the results i want...

ive been diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety, i have a few other health concerns not in the mental field, and a bunch of stress lately.

however, ive been feeling alot happier lately...
but right now im hungry, and my stomachs growling. and i feel my bloodsugar dropping.
but i dont want to eat...

its finally clicked with me that im going to die the same way my grandmother did (whom i was very close to) if i dont change my ways..

even though im happy.. i still dont want to eat.. and im considering making myself throw up right now...

but i dont want to do that to myself.. but yet i do..

im so confused....
i know i shouldnt. but i really want to -.-
what do i do?

before you ask, yes im in therapy. very intense therapy. 4 hours a day 5 days a week. i dont get along with my counseler, but i love the program im in and i cant switch.
so yea.

im screwed..

"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone is fighting some kind of battle." <3

Feel free to PM/VM me if you ever need someone to talk to, or just want someone to listen. I'm also always up for making new friends.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Stupidity Kills
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Posts: 4,500
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Re: this is weird... - July 21st 2010, 11:44 AM

Throwing up isn't going to lead anywhere beneficial. My aunt who is diabetic on insulin uses sugar pills that are easily bought at a pharmacy if her blood sugar goes too low. This allows her to raise it without having to eat or drink a lot to do so. Not eating isn't going to do you any good either because somehow you have to get nutrition inside of you. Tell this concern to your counsellor and do exercise, any results aren't going to happen very fast. Depending what exercises you do, the results may come faster. I'm not sure what exercises you're currently doing but you'd want cardio ones. Women naturally have more fat on them than men do and don't develop muscles as large as men do, so keep that in consideration.
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