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Mental Health Use this forum to share your mental health concerns and to seek advice.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Jae Offline
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Scared of Being Touched? - July 31st 2010, 07:53 AM

I kind of have an issue, but I'm not really sure what it's related to. I'm sorry if this isn't where this belongs. I just don't know what to do about it and feel like it's a mental thing.

All my life I have been really aware of touch. I have gotten used to the occasional hug or brushing past someone or whatever, but any other kind of touch (especially if it's from someone I don't know very well) really makes me nervous.
I have only been in one relationship before when I was a little younger. All we did is hold hands and kiss once. Every time he'd hold my hand, it was all I could think about. And the one time he kissed me, I fainted. (Kind of not the best first kiss ever, but I can laugh about it now at least.) Recently, a former teacher of mine lifted my shirt up and started rubbing my side. I didn't realize how much it bothered me until he told me I was shaking.
Basically, I don't know what to do because I haven't really encountered anyone who has this problem. I worry that I won't allow myself to ever get close to someone I fall in love with. I don't really know how to say it other than that. I feel weird and abnormal because everyone else I know loves the idea of being close to people and being in physical relationships and whatnot, but the whole idea of that really scares me.

   
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Re: Scared of Being Touched? - August 2nd 2010, 04:10 AM

Okayyy, the former teacher thing seems kinda creepy, but I can definitely identify with the rest of it. I think you'll be alright though; it's much better to have problems with physical intimacy than emotional closeness. Of course, it could be a natural response you have as a means of avoiding emotional intimacy, which would be bad...



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Re: Scared of Being Touched? - August 2nd 2010, 10:52 PM

Correct me if I'm mistaken, but the thought of a former teacher of yours lifting up your shirt and rubbing your side doesn't sound appropriate to me. Did you give him consent to do so? If not, you might want to speak to someone about this. It is very understandable that you would be troubled by such physical contact if permission wasn't given. Is he still with the school? It may be a good idea to report him to the principal.

I think the first step in combating this fear is to ask yourself why this distresses you so much. Is it that you are physically sensitive? Are you afraid people are going to hurt you?

If you're sensitive, perhaps this is something you could speak to your doctor about. If you feel it's emotionally linked, you could talk to your parents about the possibility of therapy to work through your feelings regarding physicality.

I think exposure is a great way to conquer fears, though. (Of course, I am not encouraging you to go out and ask people to touch you. ) In the future, discuss with your concerns with your partner. I'm sure if they care about you, they won't have an issue with going at your own pace. It may take a little while, but over time, you will gain more confidence. It's okay to feel uncomfortable the first time you begin to get physical with someone, even if it is just kiss. It's a totally new concept. You might need some time to adjust to it. Plus, everyone is different, and therefore everyone views physical contact differently. You're definitely not abnormal. I am one of those people that likes to have a bit more space. There's nothing wrong with it.

I hope this helps! Take care! xx
   
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Re: Scared of Being Touched? - August 3rd 2010, 03:44 AM

Howdy,

I have to agree with everyone else. Former teacher rubbing your side, equals creepy in my eyes. I think you should talk to someone about him.

On the off note, being afraid of touching you, can be totally normal but not. I am the exzact same way, anytime anyone touches me (including my boyfriend of almost two years) I jump and shake. I am not very good with it. It could have something to do with your emotions, in which case I would suggest seing a therapist. It could also have something to do with your past, mine is related to the fact that I was abused physicaly and sexually as a child. So being touched scares me.

As far as fainting during your first kiss, don't worry to much about it. The first time I was kissed it brought back memories of my past and my body shut down. I was there in form but not in mind. So don't worry too much about your first kiss not being perfect, I have learned they usually are not as we plan them.

I hope this has helped and if you need anything feel free to PM me. I love to talk.

Take care;
Trish
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Re: Scared of Being Touched? - August 3rd 2010, 04:21 AM

I think the flinching when someone touches you thing might do with a broken home type background. I never knew my biological parents, I have difficulty with and flinch when people touch me. Just like I unconsciously can not say "I love you" to anyone and have difficulty hearing it because that words been linked to abandonment. My adoptive mom once told me when she was growing up, and only much later in life was able to stop, she flinched when people touched her - her father abandoned her family. I don't know if there's a connection between broken homes and 'scared of being touched' - but could be a factor...


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Re: Scared of Being Touched? - August 3rd 2010, 06:54 AM

Quote:
Correct me if I'm mistaken, but the thought of a former teacher of yours lifting up your shirt and rubbing your side doesn't sound appropriate to me. Did you give him consent to do so? If not, you might want to speak to someone about this. It is very understandable that you would be troubled by such physical contact if permission wasn't given. Is he still with the school? It may be a good idea to report him to the principal.
No, I didn't give him consent to do that, and I spoke to a few friends about it, but I don't want to get him in trouble. He asked me if I was okay, and I shook my head, so he stopped. I don't think he meant to upset me. I don't know. It's a complicated situation..

Quote:
I think the flinching when someone touches you thing might do with a broken home type background. I never knew my biological parents, I have difficulty with and flinch when people touch me. Just like I unconsciously can not say "I love you" to anyone and have difficulty hearing it because that words been linked to abandonment. My adoptive mom once told me when she was growing up, and only much later in life was able to stop, she flinched when people touched her - her father abandoned her family. I don't know if there's a connection between broken homes and 'scared of being touched' - but could be a factor...
I think this might be it? My family has never been close, and I've been keeping secrets of my parents' affairs for a while. They're still together and really unhappy, so maybe they are somehow linked?

I really appreciate your replies, everyone. Thank you.


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