TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Mental Health Use this forum to share your mental health concerns and to seek advice.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
The Darkness Offline
Nothing Began Everything
Junior TeenHelper
****
 
The Darkness's Avatar
 
Name: Raphael
Gender: Nonbinary (They/Them)
Location: California

Posts: 337
Blog Entries: 13
Join Date: February 27th 2010

It's just so... - September 18th 2010, 07:00 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

This December is the anniversary of the day I was sent to the MF.
And I'm terrified.
And I don't know.
I'm starting to loose my memory a lot. And sometimes I have tendencies to do stuff in an orderly way, or over and over until it feels right.And sometimes I'm 'indifferent' while memories of what happened wave through my mind. And sometimes I see/hear things, and sometimes I don't. And sometimes I'm so low, I have no will to live, or I have a tenancy to SH. And sometimes I am so angry I yell at everyone all the time. And sometimes I'm just...happy.
It's not dramatic, but it's consistent.
Sometimes only two of those happens. Sometimes al of them in a day.
Fear and anxiety grow with that.
And sometimes I wonder if I'm bipolar, or chronic something. And that launches more anxiety.
I know nothing bad will happen this December.
Except that I found something I wrote that said I'd grab a blade that December day and hurt someone or myself.
And I'm just so scared. I can't seem to control this.
And lately, I've been trying to open up to my family about this.
But all they say is "You think you've been traumatized but your not!"
And I'm starting to doubt if this is all real.
I'm starting to believe that maybe this life is all just a big dream, or a big delusion.
And when I go to sleep, I wish that the delusion will go away or I'll wake up in my real life.
But I just wake up to the same thing.
Maybe the dream hasn't lived out yet.
And sometimes I think that if I end the dream earlier, then I'll wake up sooner.


THE POINT OF SINGULARITY IS NOTHING AS NOTHING BEGAN EVERYTHING
PULSING IN THE EXPAND CONSUME WITHOUT BARRIER OR BORDER
IT IS DARK BECAUSE IT IS THE DARKNESS IT IS OVER BECAUSE IT IS THE END
THERE IS NO SENTRY BECAUSE NONE DARE APPROACH
IT HAS NEVER BEEN AND IT IS ALL THAT EVER WAS
AT THE CENTER YOU DO NOT FIND THE ANSWER
YOU DO NOT FIND YOURSELF THERE IS NO CENTER AND THERE IS NO YOU THERE IS ONLY MADNESS
WE ARE ALL HERE NOW.
WE ARE ALL HERE.
WE ARE.

   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.