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Lost_Confused Offline
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This isn't good. - October 15th 2010, 06:05 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of substance use, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Lately, i've been wanting to just let go of my morals, and just go around and go to parties, drink, smoke, play around, have sex with the person i actually like even if we aren't dating, just be totally loose and go with the flow.
Maybe then someone will realize that there's something wrong with me, i guess?
I don't know why, i just want to get so fucked up, and just party and have a grand time, even though i know it'll suck afterwards.

I've been under wayyy too much stress lately, and it's affected me so much that whenever i'm under some kind of stress i feel sick, or like i'm going to pass out.
I wonder if that's why i just want to fuck around, maybe it'll blow off the steam..?
fFwbjkdfwa.

I just don't know, i feel like i'm going to crack any day now..
   
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Re: This isn't good. - October 15th 2010, 09:03 PM

I think the idea that you want to cut loose is most likely because of being stressed. Though, maybe you should talk to people and find a less self-destructive way to let off steam. Like, going to the movies? Dancing with some friends? What I like to do is go around town with my friends, have some energy drinks, and sing with them.


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Re: This isn't good. - October 18th 2010, 02:28 AM

Yeah..
But i can't really go anywhere like to the movies because i have no money, so i can't do anything, except like walk around town or something. And my friends have lives and are busy, so i can't really do much with them. :/
   
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Re: This isn't good. - October 18th 2010, 02:35 AM

I feel the same exact way and ive had these same thoughts.
Lately, even though i shouldnt, ive been doing this and all its done is make me feel good for a little while, then feel like shit later ://



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days since i last SHed.
   
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Re: This isn't good. - October 18th 2010, 02:28 PM

I feel this way, but about cutting. I just want to start cutting on a regular basis again so when it gets really bad, and I cut badly enough to end up in the hospital, I'll actually get the help that I'm afraid to get on my own. It's a cry for help, but I don't want to tell people on my own. I want it to be forced out of me so I don't feel weak.

However, I can tell you letting loose leaves more wounds than I ever thought it would. This summer I drank a lot. I drank myself into alcohol poisoning while visiting my dad, and was taken advantage of when I blacked out by a guy I have no interest in what so ever. My experimenting left me feeling more broken than ever and I regret it every day of my life.
   
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Re: This isn't good. - October 18th 2010, 07:31 PM

Quote:
I want it to be forced out of me so I don't feel weak.
Exactly!

I know i'll feel like totally shit later, but right now i just don't really care..... I mean, i probably won't go out and do it, but i'm really tempted to.
   
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