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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
TwilightDwells Offline
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Name: Katie
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Join Date: July 30th 2010

Someone Call Me Crazy - November 15th 2010, 11:44 PM

The title says how I'm feeling right now. I don't get it, I just don't. On Thursday I have a meeting with my councillor and we're going to discuss my mental problems that she's been "picking up" to see if I possibly need to speak with the person who does mental health in my school.
I've always been "imaginitive" so I never suspected my hallucinations wouldn't be part of that. But I guess they are. I've been suffering from stress and anxiety for over a year now, and just last month was when I decided to get help. People (the ones I've told) are proud of me for doing it. But it doesn't help any, I still feel...ashamed, like I've lied and fooled everyone I know. And I'm still doing it.
I've never told my parents about my visits, never told them about all the problems. Never wanted to dissapoint them. But, in a big family like mine, it's EXTREMELY hard NOT to dissapoint them, all of my sisters and brothers are, practically, prefect! One's a succesfull photographer who's married a good man and has money. One's a nurse at a mental hospital. Another one has two beautifull children and has travelled all over the world. Then so on and so forth, perfect kids.
I don't want to be the mistake, I don't want to be the one they did wrong in. So what am I supposed to do? Seek more help and pray that there isn't anything wrong with me? Tell my parents and make them think even MORE less about me? My mom won't believe me, my dad will get mad. I'm scared, and alone, and pretty much terrified for my life.
I'm sitting in my room, with the window blinds open, my computer is the only light resource (which is scaring me even more because I'm afraid of the dark), and I'm completely lost in everything. What am I supposed to do?
If anyone can even ATTEMPT to answer any of these questions I'd appreciate it - and if you have any advice I'd love you to death - please. I'm really confused, and scared, and I just wish I could turn back time and be a little kid again.


I will forgive, but I'll never forget.
Love is something earned, not gifted.
The Fallen Angel's cry for their beloved.
~ Katie
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Katrina Offline
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Re: Someone Call Me Crazy - November 20th 2010, 01:04 PM

Hey Katie,

You know, I'm so glad you decided to post and try to write out some of your thoughts - it can help just to sort everything out... and I hope this experience has allowed you to do that. I have a few different thoughts for you, some of which may help and some of which may not. I'll give 'em a go regardless, though. Ya never know, right?

Okay, firstly, and most importantly, my heart TRULY smiled when I read that you'd decided to go ahead and reach out for help at your school - and I don't even know you! However, to be young (and I consider myself young too) and also be mature enough to be utilizing the resources offered to you by the school is really, really phenomenal. At this point, I do think you're doing just what you should be. I hope that you will continue to go talk to the counselor and try to figure out, on a deeper level, what's going on. If it does end up being a mental health problem, I think that's okay! Talking to the mental health specialist at your school can help you with that too.

Right now, I certainly don't think it would HURT to tell your parents, but given your current situation, I can understand why you don't want to. So, while I don't think it would be the "wrong" thing to do, I also don't think it's necessary. I think that, instead, you should keep working with the counselor and perhaps you guys can both come up with a solution concerning how and when it would be appropriate to eventually tell your family.

As far as your other siblings go, I think it's important to realize that you're each important and valued for your unique personalities, gifts, and talents. Also, don't forget that EVERYONE carries their own baggage, and usually, people's lives aren't as "perfect" as they seem... I say that not to try to undermine the happiness of your siblings, but just to remind you that you're not alone in your self-doubts. (:

Keep doing what you're doing. Recovery takes time, but there's nothing to be ashamed of. I hope to hear from you soon. If you're ever online and need to chat or anything, I think my hotmail account is listed on my profile. Take good care of yourself.

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Shopaholic Offline
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Re: Someone Call Me Crazy - November 21st 2010, 01:56 AM

I just want to say I feel I can relate to you. Although I don't have any siblings, I feel like I'm a mistake because of may anxiety and ptsd. My parents are not supportive of my choice to go to therapy, but its the best thing I've ever done. My therapist is like my mom, although we do have normal therapy talks we talk about my hair, college, and boys. Although not all therapist/counselor are like that you can always try to reach out to someone and talk to them about your problems you would probably be suprised must teachers really have some good advise if you can't see a therapist or don't like them try it. And if you can't do that I'm always here like everyone else is.
Take Care.

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