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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Irunwithcharlie Offline
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Name: Courtney
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Question What is wrong with me? (This is a bit lengthy. I'm sorry) - January 4th 2011, 03:59 AM




For a little over 2 years (4th-6th grade) my younger sister and I were mentally and physically abused my our older sister.
I put myself in the front line and took most of the beatings for my little sister because she was only 6-8 years old. I almost failed my classes because I was forced to stay up every single night so that when my parents went to bed, I was to sneak into their bedroom and steal cigarettes. And they caught me, i had to take the blame.
I was stabbed on top of my head with small blunt objects, and I still have visible scars from this.
And I went to school every single day sore and depressed.
It isn't right for an 11-12 year old to have suicidal thoughts, but I had them every single day.
There were even a few times when she got so angry at us that she would either cover my little sister's mouth and nose until she turned red, or wrapped a belt around my neck in an attempt to strangle me.
She even severely abused our dog.

When I finally mustered up the courage to tell my dad, we were washing the dishes. Me scrubbing, her rinsing. And I had 5 seconds to wash each dish because she has better things to do. If I went over my 5 seconds, she would press all of her weight (and she was about 220-230 lbs) onto the top of my foot. It hurt so bad that I ran off and told my dad. He then beat her with a belt and called the police.
A cop stopped by and my little sister and I were not allowed in the living room when he questioned my sister. She was then arrested. She was sent to a juvenile detention center for only 2 weeks.

When she returned home, everyone assumed that everything would go back to normal and everyone would be happy. And it did for them, but never for me.
My sister has never laid a hand on either me or my younger sister since then, but we have never fully gotten along since then.
I have always resented her. And I hate to say it, but I still do.
She just recently left our house in the middle of a fight between myself and her over the fact that she hated my mother and I yelled at her to stop trashing my mo because my mom and I are extremely close.
She is now living with her girlfriend and my aunt and does cocaine and smokes pot daily.
She is 18, has no job, and no life.
In a way I find it funny, but I know that isn't right at all
Her abuse caused me to never be able to trust anyone, I can see my younger sister starting to act just like her, and I hate to see that happen to her.
I've asked my mother if she could get me a psychiatrist or therapist, but she just doesn't have the time nor money. I'm 17 now, and a junior

My question is, How can I forgive my sister?
How can I move on with my life and stop blaming myself and stop feeling so bad and so hurt over it??
And How can I prevent myself and my younger sister from lashing out in anger at each other? (We have obviously developed some issues from it and we are constantly lashing out..)

Please help me get my life back and Thank You for any help that you can provide for me!






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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What is wrong with me? (This is a bit lengthy. I'm sorry) - January 4th 2011, 04:56 AM

I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

I was the abusive sister in a relationship with my older sister. I teased her and annoyed her a lot, but later she told me it had really affected her and contributed to her low self esteem. I have changed significantly since then. I don't even remember being such a bully, but those emotional scars stay with her. Some times when we argue I sense a tension that might be left over from when I hurt her.

It is several years later and it seems the biggest arguments have the potential to bring back all feelings of resentment we ever had towards each other. She remembers what I did and still holds a grudge. But how can I blame her?

Your sister sounds remorseless. Instead of apologizing, she turned away from you and just left. If you do not ever fully forgive her, that is her fault and not yours. The fact that you want to fix your opinion towards your sister shows you have a lot of heart.

As for forgiving and forgetting, the method that has worked best for me is letting it all out one day. Have a day all to yourself. Lock yourself in your room. List all the bad experiences you've felt. The way it works for me is like how listening to a song a million times on repeat makes it annoying. I believe that totally obsessing about the thoughts nonstop can help you purge them from your system. When I'm sad, I allow myself to be sad and eventually, I get tired of sulking. It actually gets exhausting to think sad thoughts.

I'm not sure if it can work for you, but it might be worth trying. Write down how you feel about your sister. List her bad traits. Listen to angry music. Let yourself be angry and upset with her. If you are angry and upset enough, it gets exhausting to stay that way for long. It is the opposite of what you're probably trying to do (push back the bad memories). But I find it very therapeutic to acknowledge them and to let them escape you.

This is really weird advice lol but it's worked, I promise.
   
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Irunwithcharlie Offline
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Smile Re: What is wrong with me? (This is a bit lengthy. I'm sorry) - January 4th 2011, 05:00 AM

Thank you so much
Your advice helped, and I will try your suggestions.
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