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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
AmazonQueen Offline
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Feeling Neglected (PLEASE read PLEASE answer) - February 21st 2011, 05:15 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

okay so I have these urges to just be wild and fuck up. be reckless be a trouble making teenager. I want to get suspended, kicked out of class, get in fights, drink, get sent to the office, sing eminem songs inapproprieate songs such as "nanannannana translation: you can suck my dick if you don't like my shit, cause i was high when i wrote this" LOUDLY down the halls while i rampage thru and past people slamming into lockers running from my from my friends laughing because they want to kill me for some smart ass comment i made. I want to have late night bomb fires and skip class, i want to do all sorts of crazy reckless shit have fun, make mistakes, be a kid.

i missed my childhood, i dont remember being much of a kid i didnt do kiddish things that much my mom was controling i had to ask to get a freakin glass of water when i was EIGHT. i wasnt allowed to do much of anything. as a preteen i was forced to mature and lie for my mom be stuck in the middle, keep secrets and everything else you can think of, i didnt have many friends, i dont have any "silly picture" memories/moments i got into fights, and cried alot got depressed, wanted to kill myself and shit had to pretend to be okay and pick between my mom and my dad. as a teenager i quieted down, i kept to myself slipping further into depression, being more loner ish, became more full of strife still had to chose between my parents more than once was lied to so many times i STILL don't know what the truth is, i was abused physically, finacially, verbally, emotionally, and sexually...only thing i wasnt was seriously beating and raped. i was always the adult in the situation and forced to defy (i spelled that wrong) my parents because neither of them made good choice. i still have few friends here in person to take those silly picture moment memories with...most of my good friends are all far away and there the best friends ever but even now i spend my days thinking how im going to get a job, and save up for university and get a career so i can get the fuck out of here and never have to come crawling back because i couldnt do it i dont want to be like them. i cant be a teen theres no room for being reckless now...im afraid i'll end up like nikki sixx and become a rebellious young adult running into dark fucking places if i follow my impulses and im even more afraid i'll run into those places unwillingly if i fight those impulses. is this safe idk what to do i just want to live and make mistakes but i feel like im obligated. i feel like one of those english or british guards that arnt allowed to move no matter what i i feel like if i make a move the world will far apart i wish i could losen up and live life to the fullest and stop planning just let things happen idk wtf is wrong with me.


please can someone answer me or give me advice at all i see lots of posts with like 100 replies and stuff, can someone please help


The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows.
It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.
You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward.
How much you can take, and keep moving forward.
PM me if you need to talk about ANYTHING.

Last edited by AmazonQueen; February 21st 2011 at 05:37 AM.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Feeling Neglected (PLEASE read PLEASE answer) - February 21st 2011, 08:52 AM

I know the rebellious feeling and wanting to break out for all the shit life that has a choke hold on you. My situation was nothing like yours, minor common things but nothing in comparison to what you have been through.

I am slowly going "off-the-rails", and people are telling me I have no reason to do so, which is making it slightly worse. But this is progressing over a year or two and im still slowly tearing myself away.

it seems like either way will be disasterous for you.
you could stay in the way you are living your life now, which is bad.
or you can go off the rails, which is also bad and could further damage things at home.

I can tell you what I did if you'd like?

I saw how far I could push my parents. How much I could get away with, and what type of punishments I got for what I did. I went out so much and drank and would spend entire weekends away from home without telling them where I was. That was pretty bad I would get "grounded" but that didnt really stop me, but they did take away the internet and made me do heaps of chores.

Now I know how to get away with stuff, how to hide everything from my parents and what not.

But I am coming up to a stage where I can take control of my life. I'm teaching myself how to do scream vocals so I can sing for my friends band. We plan on getting up to the capital city and organising gigs and stuff. That way I can still do something musically, channel my anger and sadness into something kind of positive, and I can smoke pot when ever I want haha

But what Im trying to get at is try to find an outlet where you CAN be crazy and wild, like the band has been for me, and use it! Maybe venture into art, writing, music, drama or something like that. My music has been excellent for me, and I am no longer destructive around the house, well only when my parents get in the way of band practice haha :/

PM me if you want to talk more, im here if you need <3


"Do not regret anything. Every choice, fuck up, spoken word, experience and emotion has brought you to this very moment. It has shaped exactly who you are. Do not regret who you are. You are unique. No one in the world is like you. In this sense, we are alone. Yet for this very reason, we all have one thing in common. Don't waste who you are, be everything you can be. You can achieve your dreams, you just have to genuinely try."
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
AmazonQueen Offline
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Re: Feeling Neglected (PLEASE read PLEASE answer) - February 21st 2011, 03:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Millarw12 View Post
I know the rebellious feeling and wanting to break out for all the shit life that has a choke hold on you. My situation was nothing like yours, minor common things but nothing in comparison to what you have been through.

I am slowly going "off-the-rails", and people are telling me I have no reason to do so, which is making it slightly worse. But this is progressing over a year or two and im still slowly tearing myself away.

it seems like either way will be disasterous for you.
you could stay in the way you are living your life now, which is bad.
or you can go off the rails, which is also bad and could further damage things at home.

I can tell you what I did if you'd like?

I saw how far I could push my parents. How much I could get away with, and what type of punishments I got for what I did. I went out so much and drank and would spend entire weekends away from home without telling them where I was. That was pretty bad I would get "grounded" but that didnt really stop me, but they did take away the internet and made me do heaps of chores.

Now I know how to get away with stuff, how to hide everything from my parents and what not.

But I am coming up to a stage where I can take control of my life. I'm teaching myself how to do scream vocals so I can sing for my friends band. We plan on getting up to the capital city and organising gigs and stuff. That way I can still do something musically, channel my anger and sadness into something kind of positive, and I can smoke pot when ever I want haha

But what Im trying to get at is try to find an outlet where you CAN be crazy and wild, like the band has been for me, and use it! Maybe venture into art, writing, music, drama or something like that. My music has been excellent for me, and I am no longer destructive around the house, well only when my parents get in the way of band practice haha :/

PM me if you want to talk more, im here if you need <3

Sad thing is, is that I HAVE an outlet for all that. I'm training to be an MMA fighter, i LOVE training and i hate missing my days at the gym i love it so much. I also love music i write lyrics but cant sing my own stuff or really play intrustments. so that being said i can write, i can train, i can draw (i design tattoos) but im SO sick of having to self medication it's like the leash is so tight i feel like one of those royal guards that arnt aloud to even blink even if a dog pees on their foot. its like if i do something reckless my future/world falls apart and if i don't im missing out and not really living. i have to pay for university myself so i need to start saving up but i want to be a fighter above everything else and i know i can i just have to try hard enough but theres always that "what if" that you have to stay stiff for know what i mean? i hate it, sometimes i feel like i'll just train EXTRA hard and skip university or something and spend my money on something much less helpful for the future like tattoos or something i feel like im choking cause theres no way out. but when i look back and review my life i think i have a good life for some stupid reason i just dont see all that stuff that happened to me as bad so idk why i feel so strongly like im suffocating. i really just want to fuck up


The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows.
It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.
You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward.
How much you can take, and keep moving forward.
PM me if you need to talk about ANYTHING.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
ZakaryValentine Offline
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Re: Feeling Neglected (PLEASE read PLEASE answer) - February 22nd 2011, 09:43 PM

It's understandable that you want to act out. You've been through some shit.

There is NOTHING wrong with you and planning isn't always a bad thing, planning too much is though. Loosening up isn't something people can help you with, it's a conscious decision you have to make. That doesn't mean go out just to get stoned, drunk, crunk etc...

I'm trying to say act on impulse some. Just go with it, like the flow.

It's okay to fuck up once in awhile, everyone is entitles to it.

Hope you understand what I'm trying to say. I don't think it'll help much though.

MSN, if ya wanna talk
   
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