TeenHelp - Fetal Alcohol Syndrome

When i was born my real mom done bad stuff when i was in her. I was Fetal Alcohol Syndrome n postive of cocain at birth. When i grew up i was throwing bad tantrums n was in a mental hospital at age 5 to get some test to see wat was wrong with me n then in year 2007 at the age of 16 i was really bad i was in n out of mental hospitals n stayed in one for 3 to 4 months i was trying to kill myself.
In 2008 my bestfriend ended up killing himself bc of how his life was n how his mom was a drug addict n didnt have a dad n he hung himself one day n i could never get over it bc he was very close to me. we did everything together.
When i got older i hated my life bc i aint normal. im not like anyone else. I dont have rarly any friends n people mostly look at me bc im ugly n stupid n dont have the social stuff to hangout with anyone. I tend to still throw them bad tantrums but not as much anymore.
In the beginning of 2011 i was in terrible depression i wanted to kill myself bc of how i looked n how my parents dont understand me n wont talk to me when there is something wrong with me. i feel bad all the time bc i dont have the smarts like anyone tat i kno. all my life people seemed to be slipping away from me. I know tats how life is. but it agrvates me.
I always thought that my life could be so much more then it is now but to me tat i didnt care n i dont have a plan for my life. n if i did it went away like a sand of dust blown away. Im not scared of death n im not scared of dying. if i wanted to kill myself i will bc im not scared of doing it. i kno it seems like i wouldnt but im not scared. i really dont care wat people try or do for me anymore bc it doesnt fase me. sence i was little i hated my life. I hated everything bout myself. I hated tat the way i was the way i couldnt be like anyone else n couldnt be smart n go to college or get a job or anything else. but im not comparing myself to anyone so dont say tat. i have all the symptoms of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome n it bothers me i kno i laugh bout it but im still dperessed bout it. Sometimes i have my good days n bad days. Sometimes im happy then one min im depressed. so i hate being like this...sooo

Im sry its so Long :)