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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
jhor Offline
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Why do I feel like this? - March 28th 2011, 01:38 AM

I really want to change.

I want to be destructive and cut off my hair and get tattoos and get in trouble and go outside the lines.

The lines. I'm all ways in side the lines. I'm all ways this sensible, reliable person that my mom can count on. My friends know it too, how sensible I am. Not generally a good thing for them, but they know. Which is why I can't do this, but I want to so bad.

I hate who I am right now because of that fact. I want to move away to new people that I've never met before so I can change all I want without it being weird. I want that so badly, more than anything I've ever wanted. Thinking about it I feel bad, because I know that as soon as I finish university I'm going to get out of this little shit hole that is my town and never look back, and maybe hurt a few people. But heres the thing, the reason I feel bad is not because I might hurt them, I feel bad because I really don't give a shit about them, and I know I should. I'm positive that this isn't a 'stage' and that 'ill grow out of it'.

I get this feeling when I see people that can do that. That can be who they want. And I have finally identified what it is. At first I thought that these free people made me unconfortable, just because I diden't know what I felt. But then it hit me, that that feeling was anticipation. Even a little excitment maybe.



well this is basicly just me ranting about my feelings. getting it out of my head. It's just nice to know that it's not my secret, someone else knows. So don't go out of your way to try and help or anything, that's not what I'm asking. I just wanted to rant.
   
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Re: Why do I feel like this? - March 28th 2011, 02:41 PM

I understand what you're on about I was afraid to smoke for the first time causz my mum and I are really close and I know how hurt she would be if she found out.. I always waited for her to snap at me, then leave the house to go somewhere and I would take my chance then but I always had a soft spot. Eventually I just went for it, regardless of the soft spot. Basically just pushed it away and went for it, I feel slightly guilty but I honestly don't care anymore. You kind ov just need to go for it! Of course you will hurt people, people get hurt all the time whether it's from relationships, friends or family and you can't change that. So just take chances I can't wait to leave this shit hole too and become a new person!
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Re: Why do I feel like this? - March 28th 2011, 05:49 PM

Honestly, you say this isn't a phase, which I'm not so sure about (Rebellion is common for teens), but nonetheless...

Change. If you don't like your image, change it. You're too young to get tattoos, if I'm not mistaken (you're 13, right?), but do something different. Get different clothes, do your hair different, dye it a different colour, etc.

The advantage to you being a teenager is that change is expected. Hell, most of your friends/classmates will go through some changes within the next few years, so you may as well change things up for yourself a little. It won't be weird, it'll be pretty normal.

Teenagers change from how they were as kids, trust me. I've been there myself, when I ended up becoming the weirdo Goth girl. I wasn't Goth since the day I was born, by any means. It kind of just, changed over time, starting when I was around 12 years old. Others I know started changing between the ages of 12-17, mostly. \

It's perfectly acceptable to want to change things like your image, musical tastes, and rebel a little even.


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Re: Why do I feel like this? - March 29th 2011, 02:42 PM

Im a fellow Canadian and I say yes your young enough to make changes in what you wear and do your hair differently. And well being young you still dont know who you are right now. And if you want to rebel without getting in trouble with the law heck go for it lol. And I think everyone experiences times where they just want to get away from the norm and thats perfectly normal.


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