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Elohim Offline
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Name: Elohim Seraphim K
Age: 23
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Location: Northern California

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Join Date: June 29th 2011

Unhappy I'm worried about my Sadistic tendencies. - June 29th 2011, 06:34 AM

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I've always been attracted to death, pain and mutilation. Hurting others brings me joy. That's sounds like a horrible thing to say right? I like the pain of others, especially of those that are non-masochistic. They obviously experience no joy in it from any form, normal to sexual since they view pain in a different format then I do. Their screams are like music to my ears, I don't even have to be inflicting the pain to enjoy it honestly. Just to see the blood or bruise or even just a red mark and them in torment makes me happy.
It's actually a double sided sword for me. I love their pain and suffering, but I worry about these feelings. I'm able to hide it very well, no one in my family or close friendship knows I feel this way. I don't want to tell them, I'm not afraid of the rejection... I don't care about others opinions no matter who they come from. It's just that I like to keep to myself and the only reason I can post this is that I stay remotely anonymous to the general public.

A problem started arising during my rise to adolescence. I started to have only Nightmares, all filled with what makes a good horror movie. I was chased by blood covered teddy bears with needles in their fingers, being locked into huge rooms made of muscle sown together were I would be pit against endless amounts of zombies trying to kill and eat me. Strangely, I swear that I could feel the pain they inflicted. I'd kill one of the zombies and another would bite me and it felt like I could feel it when I woke up. It got to a point were I was afraid to sleep.

With all of this you can image I turned into a bit of a basket case, But now I've grown to deal with all of it, but being Sadistic still frightens me in a way. I don't know what to do anymore, one day I just might roll into school carrying weapons and just start firing at all of those worthless sacks of organs and flesh we call human beings or god knows what.

The only thing that I don't want to hurt is my cat Lucien, I really don't comprehend that little conundrum myself honestly. It's rather superfluous as he being the only thing.

I'm just lost... Even my name seems to reflect against my actions. Elohim is Hebrew for God, supposedly merciful to those that worship him even though in reality many of the tellings of the bible actually depict him being extreme and killing off huge populations to modern day accidents bible bashers blame on the "sinners of the world".
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Re: I'm worried about my Sadistic tendencies. - July 3rd 2011, 08:46 PM

Hello, Elohim.

I know men who went through something similar around your age - but it was just a "phase". Generally, something happened in their lives... divorce, parental infidelity, exposure to domestic violence, academic problems, experimentation with drugs, difficulty establishing their identity, etc. That's what lead to a fascination with pain in other people, and eventually, it started to change the way they viewed the world as a whole. After a few years, however, they'd slowly let go of those sadistic thoughts. They'd move out and get a job, thus removing themselves from their stressful home environments. They'd fall in love with someone, which would drastically change the way they viewed the human race as a whole. They'd find a purpose in life, and no longer focus on the sadistic thoughts as a result. They'd see a therapist, and eventually find ways to cope with the thoughts.

I would definitely suggest seeing a therapist. You said that you might go so far as to actually hurt people someday. You are entitled to whatever sadistic thoughts you have, but if there is a possibility you could inflict harm on another person, then you have a responsibility, both to yourself and to others, to get help and ensure that won't happen. This may be a phase (you said the nightmares turned you into a "basket case", so perhaps working things out in therapy could prove beneficial to you), or this may be a more lasting condition. Whatever the case may be, if you believe you could pose a threat to someone in the future, you have an obligation to seek out professional help.

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