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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Terry Offline
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Affective dependency? - July 8th 2011, 07:35 AM

If that's the wrong term for it, can a mod please correct it?

Anyway, I saw a flyer a few months back that explained it, and I related to everything that was written very well, but had never found a term for it, nor had I ever even thought it might be a condition.

I find myself looking at people in my group of friends who get along very well, and I get jealous. I want people to tell me I am a good person, or feel like I am important to them, to an obsessive point. I try and make friends with EVERYONE, and often take everyone's side in arguments simply so they will connect with me and talk to me more etc. Now, i get along well with my friends really well, but I often feel like I don't have a definitive best friend, I am always at least runner up to some one, and it genuinely bothers me. I assume it's because I had no friends (or very little) all through middleschool and the beginning of high school, that the lack of interaction has made me crave attention (I don't go out of my way to get noticed, such as typing in all caps in group chats etc), but I can find it excruciatingly painful to not feel important to people. I guess what I'm really looking for is a best friend, but that's easier said than done.

Short version: I want everyone to like me/compliment me/be my best friend

I would see my psychologist about this but I can't during the summer (she is on vacation). Any advice?

Oh also, not sure if this should be included in this post but I think it should; I often see posts on forums or people talking in chat rooms that just seem like pretty cool people and I immediately want to be friends with them really bad, but it'd seem very weird to just go "hey let's be friends, person I don't know" is this weird? It can be anything really, we have music tastes in common or both have the same opinion on something etc, and it's definitely not like I have feelings for any of the people mentioned in this paragraph or the one above in case anyone had come to that conclusion, I just legitimately like being liked, and like people as a person extremely easily if they meet certain criteria

Self pity will not rescue you.
Sometimes we have to save our own lives,
not because no one else cares, but because no one else can.

Life for you has been less than kind
So take a number, stand in line
We've all been sorry, we've all been hurt
But how we survive is what makes us who we are.

Dreamed up the maps, give me the charcoal and the paper
We invent paths they cannot see, and they're too scared to walk

Only after disaster can we be resurrected. It's only after you've lost everything that you are free to do anything.

Last edited by Terry; July 8th 2011 at 07:54 AM.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Music Offline
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Re: Affective dependency? - July 8th 2011, 11:05 AM

I think that's the case with most people, everyone likes being liked. Social interaction has a possitive effect on your mind and as such its not out of the ordinary to crave as much social interaction with as many people as your reasonably can.
I don't think its a disorder though, as disorders have a negative impact on some part of your life and this doesn't really seem to. It might just be the way you are, and you might be right it might be a result of. A lack of social interaction in your earlier years.

Really though, I don't think its anything to worry about.

Member since 2005
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Wtf- Offline
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Re: Affective dependency? - July 9th 2011, 12:35 AM

I think it's normal. Everyone wants to be liked - even if they say they don't want to be.

It wouldn't be weird to say to someone in the chat 'let's be friends!' I mean, we're here to connect over issues, and help each other. Isn't that kind of like being a friend already? Besides, everyone seems to be really nice around here anyway.

Constantly seeking approval/compliments though has got something to do with your own insecurities, though. You've got to learn how to approve yourself before you can learn to not rely on other peoples' words so much.

Hope that helped.~
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Re: Affective dependency? - July 11th 2011, 12:21 AM

yea I like being liked I just can't like them back it seems
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