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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
football94 Offline
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Am I selfish? wrongly self richeous? - July 14th 2011, 03:46 PM

I have always been great with telling good relationships from bad and give good life advice (according to my friends) but when it comes to my problems in which I'm emotionally invested in I'm bad at using my own advice. Am I a hypocrit?
Also I like to give advice but I dont like to ask for advice because i like feeling like I help the world more then hurt it...

I have my periods of self pity but I usually pull myself out of them again by myself because I feel like if I ask for help then I feel like I owe more then I help.

I am good at helping friends and family emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and financially but when it comes to physically helping my mom with laundery I despise it.

Am I selfish?
   
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Re: Am I selfish? wrongly self richeous? - July 14th 2011, 04:13 PM

I think that we're all a little bit selfish, either in one way or another, or occasionally at times and not at others. We all have moments where it's about us; they may be periods of self-pity or they may not be. But having the capacity to be selfish doesn't mean we're all selfish people or that all of us acts selfishly 100% of the time.

If your friends have consistently called you a selfish person, then I think it might be something that's worth looking into, simply because if one person says it, you can shrug it off, if a couple people say it, you can start to think about it, if everyone says it, then there may be some truth to it. However, if you're the one calling yourself selfish, then I think you need to cut yourself a little slack. You're only human.

That said, it's hard for anyone to take their own advice. A mild example is it's easier to explain to someone why they should be doing their homework and it can be a lot harder to sit down and apply yourself to yours, primarily because the former requires you to be supportive and advisory whereas the latter requires you to put in effort. It's sort of the same thing with advice. There's a difference between being supportive, understanding, and knowing the truth about a situation and the actual application of that truth, understanding, and support. Not to mention that there's a bias. You are never really going to see your problems from an objective standpoint, which also makes things difficult.


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Re: Am I selfish? wrongly self richeous? - July 14th 2011, 05:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by PlayingPretend View Post
I think that we're all a little bit selfish, either in one way or another, or occasionally at times and not at others. We all have moments where it's about us; they may be periods of self-pity or they may not be. But having the capacity to be selfish doesn't mean we're all selfish people or that all of us acts selfishly 100% of the time.

If your friends have consistently called you a selfish person, then I think it might be something that's worth looking into, simply because if one person says it, you can shrug it off, if a couple people say it, you can start to think about it, if everyone says it, then there may be some truth to it. However, if you're the one calling yourself selfish, then I think you need to cut yourself a little slack. You're only human.

That said, it's hard for anyone to take their own advice. A mild example is it's easier to explain to someone why they should be doing their homework and it can be a lot harder to sit down and apply yourself to yours, primarily because the former requires you to be supportive and advisory whereas the latter requires you to put in effort. It's sort of the same thing with advice. There's a difference between being supportive, understanding, and knowing the truth about a situation and the actual application of that truth, understanding, and support. Not to mention that there's a bias. You are never really going to see your problems from an objective standpoint, which also makes things difficult.

when you said this:
I think that we're all a little bit selfish, either in one way or another, or occasionally at times and not at others

what type of selfish did you mean and like how can I try not to be selfish. Because I dont want to be selfish . Thanks for your advice
   
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Re: Am I selfish? wrongly self richeous? - July 14th 2011, 06:21 PM

By that I meant thinking/looking after ourselves, anything from wanting some attention/people to listen (from liking that, even) to even treating ourselves to something we don't need (such as a nice meal out, or a fancy outfit) and so on; any of that could be considered "selfish." That doesn't mean it's wrongly deserved or anything like that at all. And none of that means we have to act selfishly. To be completely selfless, we'd have to forego anything and everything that has to do with us or what we want. We'd have to stop talking about ourselves and our problems. etc. It's simply not realistic and in my opinion, it's impossible. For example, if I'm going for a job and it's between me and someone else, the technical selfless thing to do would be to give it up to the other person, but I need to think of myself and my needs and so on. By technical definition, that makes me selfish because it's about me. That's what I meant.


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Re: Am I selfish? wrongly self richeous? - July 14th 2011, 07:05 PM

Hardly anyone follows their own advice. xD That's the problem with emotions. When you're removed from the situation, it's easy to be objective and offer advice to your family members, friends, clients, etc. When it's your problem, however, it's harder to stay focused. You may know what you SHOULD do, but knowing and doing are two very different things. So no, you're not a hypocrite for failing to follow your own advice. You're just human.

As a human being, you're entitled to ask for advice in addition to offering advice. In fact, I think asking for advice indicates that you are mature. It takes a lot to admit that we're heading in the wrong direction, that we don't know what to do, or that we need help. You're not adding to the world's problems by being honest with yourself and admitting that you need help from time to time. By seeking out help when you truly need it, you're allowing yourself to remain emotionally healthy... which will allow you to continue providing solid advice for other people!

You have a gift. You acknowledge your strengths, and use that gift to help others. It's important to acknowledge your weaknesses as well... which, in this particular case, seems to be offering help in other forms. You readily offer emotional support, but not physical support. It's not necessarily "selfish" (lots of people don't like to do chores around the house), but by working on your weaknesses as well as your strengths, you can become an overall better (and stronger) person. So when it comes to chores such as laundry, I'd focus less on how much you hate it, and more on how it builds character. That character will enable you to grow in other areas of your life. For example, if you find a way to make chores more interesting, you can offer tips to people who also hate chores! Every experience, whether it's positive or negative, helps to shape us as individuals. =)





   
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Re: Am I selfish? wrongly self richeous? - July 15th 2011, 05:55 AM

Selfish is not the correct word here, I feel. No, I would say..you are "human".

Ever heard of it? Human is actually a rather common disease that effects nearly 100% of the population on earth. Most people will go their entire lives and never discover they are secretly human. You seem to be one of the few who has.

You are looking at a side effect of being human. People with humanity are often very good at giving advice when it is not their own issues. That is because, from an outside perspective, the finer emotions that can cloud judgement are not present. This enables outside sources to make more rational decisions. When it is your own issue, a human will generally be too preoccupied by the little details to see the bigger picture. This is why humans are better at giving advice than taking it from themselves or others.

There is no cure yet for being human. Sadly, it is deadly. I regret to inform you that you have no more than 90 years to live, give or take a few. You also may face a strange desire to feel bad when things go wrong in your life. This is entirely normal.

Remember to maintain a healthy balance of giving and getting advice and you will maximize the happiness you get from your remaining 90 years. If you get to much help, it can be bad, sure. But not getting any help out of fear can be equally as harmful, as we all need support sometimes or we are doomed to fall sooner than we would have had we sought support.

So in summation, you are not abnormal. How do I know all this. Well, I am human too. I speak from experience here. I was actually born human, it runs in my family. So trust me. I know what I'm saying here, ok? You are fine. =]


Slowly, the people collected, amassing a vast number of bodies before him. And yet still, he waited until there was no point to waiting further. Now was the moment he stalled for not days, not months, but years. Raising his hand to into the air, he summoned fourth a unison cry.

"And let them fear who we have become. Let them wish they were among us. Let them run or submit. And let them know we can not be stopped. For we have become Legion. And we will never die."
   
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Re: Am I selfish? wrongly self richeous? - July 15th 2011, 06:25 AM

I don't think "selfish" is a correct word. The issue with giving advice is you have emotions flying everywhere, mainly from the person receiving advice but when you're in that same/similar situation, rationality goes down the shitter. You're irrational to an extent but so is every other human being on this planet, it's the "human syndrome", you cant escape it because being completely objective cannot easily be done. As humans, we can be objective in certain situations (or try our best to be) but in other situations, the objectivity cannot be reached. In those cases, it is up to someone else to be objective. The "human syndrome" involves more than irrationality though, it also involves selfishness because we're all selfish in some way, whether it's financially, emotionally, materialistically, etc... . Think about it, if there are 5 items at a store and you want 1 of them, you're going to buy it assuming you have the financial capacity. The next few people who come along are going to be deprived of that opportunity because of you. To be completely non-selfish is impossible, even if you give everything to charity, you're only benefiting some charities, thus selfish in only aiding the ones you like or are geographically nearest to.


I can rip you off, and steal all your cash, suckerpunch you in the face, stand back and laugh. Leave you stranded as fast as a heart-attack.
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Re: Am I selfish? wrongly self richeous? - July 15th 2011, 02:23 PM

You can't prevent yourself from being selfish. In my opinion, not one person alive can go without being a little selfish. But, I wouldn't say selfish is the right word for your first post. You like helping people, and while technically I think a lot of people that like helping do it to make themselves feel good, it's not much of a bad thing. I think you need to look after yourself though, and ask for help when you feel you need it even if you feel like you shouldn't.



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