Teen convinced she is bipolar - need help!

[worries]

I am guardian of a teenage girl (16). She in convinced she is bipolar.
She has had a hard life. Her mom is bipolar and rejected her at birth, dumping her on her grandparents who have not done a very good job at raising her. Whenever she acted up they would call her a bitch and tell her she was just like her mom. Her mom would pop in and out of her life periodically wreaking havoc most of the time. The last time, was four years ago when she took the girl away to another city with the mom's new boyfriend. For six months she was brutally sexually assaulted until she finally told someone. She came back to her grandparents who did not want to know what happened and wouldn't discuss it. They did take her to a counsellor but did not follow through with it. When she left her mom, the mom called her a lying manipulative bitch and chose the boyfriend over her. In the last year she has gotten involved with some lowlife friends, she has tried smoking pot, huffing and started choking herself.
I found out (I've known her almost all of her life - she and my child has been friends since they were little) and insisted she go for counselling at the sexual assault centre, drop the lowlife friends and stop the dangerous behaviours. A few months ago she moved in permanently with me and, in my opinion, she has blossomed. She has lost weight (in is now a healthy weight and looks healthier), she has a positive career goal in mind, her grades have improved, she is doing much better all round.
However, she is convinced that what her grandparents and mother have said is true. She believes that she deserves all the bad things that have happened to her and that she must be horrible for her to have gone through two sets of parents and for two sets to have given up on her. I have told her that I think she is a caring, smart, funny and beautiful person to whom bad things have happened and her past "parents" were not suitable or fit to start with. She is thinks she is crazy (her words). She says that she has negative thoughts and also thoughts about hurting herself and going back to choking. She hasn't yet but is afraid that the temptation will be too much to resist when she feels so bad. I regularly tell her that I think she is great and that she has loads of potential to do anything she sets her mind to. We have talked at length about how her family has not done right by her and how she is not to blame for other people's actions. I just want to make her happy and for her to realize that she is terrific and doesn't deserve all the crap that has happened. So how do I help this girl? How do I undo all the damage that has been inflicted on her for 16 years? How do I convince her that her that she is not crazy and that her feelings are normal? Any other suggestions or thoughts would be very much appreciated because I really have no idea how to help. She doesn't want to go back to counselling but it all seems so overwhelming for me.

[Dr.Bobby]

I think it fair to say you've saved this girl from a life otherwise miserable. Good for you, you're doing a truly good thing. The hard part isn't so much knowing what to do (you're already doing that!), it's tolerating your own feelings (and hers) about her history, of keeping the past where it belongs.

The answers to your questions are: 1) We cannot diagnose her online, but bi polar is genetic, so the chances of her having it (or developing it) are higher than the general population IF her mom was properly diagnosed by a qualified mental health professional. Whatever she has currently, though, i';s fairly safe to say she is extremely unhappy, and with good cause! She'd do well to be in really good therapy to sort it out, this might take some time.

2) What you can do is to continue to provide her with the stability and love and downright normalcy you're doing now. Providing her with what she needs (and has so sorely missed) really is very healing and corrective, while also demonstrating that all that has been so toxic for her is no longer.

3) Although people who develop symptoms (as she has) really do best with professional intervention (and I think with time, she'll feel safe and comfortable enough to enter therapy), I'd make it clear to her that your expectation is that you can tolerate verbalizations of unhappiness, but not their expression thru self destructive acts (as she has in the past), and that her slipping over that line will result in immediate therapy, b/c it shows she cannot manage all that has happened, and you care enough about her to get her to a place/person to put the genie back in the bottle.

if you have specific questions, I'm happy to try to help.

[Thirteen]

Honestly, there is a Depression component to Bipolar Disorder, but there is also a Manic component.

For this girl's situation, it could be PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), or Depression, or other things, so to jump to the conclusion she inherited Bipolar Disorder is excessive. I know someone who has Bipolar Disorder, who got it from his dad, but none of their siblings did (and he had like, 2 or 3 siblings I think?).

Have you considered taking her to see a therapist, or a counselor? Maybe having somebody professional to talk to about these feelings could not only help with a diagnosis (since either they, or someone they'd refer her to, would be able to analyze her mental health better), but also help her with some coping mechanisms to help curb the negative thoughts.

[La Tortuga Manuelita]

First of all, I just wanted to say it warms my heart to hear how you took her in. I wish there were more people like you in the world.

It sounds like she is already on the right track, which means you're doing a FANTASTIC job. The most important thing you can do is keep reassuring her how much you care about her and that she deserves a good life. Counselling would be great for her, but if she doesn't want to go I wouldn't push it too much. She is just starting to get her life back and might not be ready to deal with the past. As long as what she's saying are just words you should just keep gently suggesting/asking her to go and eventually she might feel comfortable with the idea. If her behaviour starts to match her words (ex. she starts choking again or she actually appears to be bipolar) then I'd say you should use your rights to force her into treatment.

Good luck. I really hope everything works out. You are amazing for stepping in and helping this girl!

[Thurineth]

She might not want to go back into counselling which is fair enough, but maybe you can give her the comfort and she may open to you.

Just keep doing what your doing.

[Dream]

It is fantastic that you care so much for this girl and are helping her so much. She needs to get the mood swings under control as much as possible. You can help with this. Otherwise, she will continue to feel horrible guilt when she is depressed even if she rationally accepts that it is not her fault, and she will probably become angry during the upswings (especially if triggered- i.e. by her mother).

Nutrition is extraordinarily important for bipolar disorder (as someone who suffers from it).

I recommend this:

-Lots of protein
-good fats (i.e. nuts, vegetable oil)
-adequate fiber

-minimize fructose intake as much as possible (esp. candy and soda)
- when eating carbs, whole grains fruits and esp. vegetables are preferrable
- try to eat at least every four hours
- multivitamin and fish oil daily


Exercise is also a huge help. Along with diet, it is the most powerful mood stabilizer that is natural.

It might be hard for her to accept these suggestions- I don't know. But it is worth it in my opinion if it makes mood swings less severe. I know several people with bipolar disorder including types I and II, and the ones who eat well and exercise consistently manage the best. Those who eat poorly and never exercise get worse.