Trichotillomania

[Darkeinu ♥]

Hi, I'm posting so you guys can be educated because I am pretty sure I am not the only person here with trich or trichotillomania....instead of me re-explaining what it is, I am going to copy and paste the facebook note that I created when I decided to let everyone know what trichotillomania is....

Hi, if can see this note, there's a reason. It's because I want you to know. Know what? Know that I have Trichotillomania or Trich for short. Trichotillomania is compulsive hair pulling disorder. People with trich, pull from their eyelashes, their eyebrows, scalp hair. I mostly pull from scalp hair.
You may sometimes see me playing with my hair, or pulling it, and you probably think I'm doing it by choice. That it's a bad habit that I created, like biting my nails. That me trying to find split ends or even create them just so I can pull, is a choice, but it's not. It started in like late Fall of 2007, when I switched meds, and for some reason the new meds brought out the trich. One time I can remember pulling, back at the beginning when I was still figuring out what this was wrong with me, I remember on the plane to California to visit my Uncle, and I was pulling on the plane, and I had no idea why, but I tried to like stuff the hairs I pulled into like between the seats, cuz I was so embarrassed. I really had no clue what was going on. I went to California and had an amazing time. I didn't pull much while I was there, but then on the plane ride home, I pulled. From there it only got worse, I would pull in class, and when I got up there would be like a pile of hair under my seat, and it was just overall embarrassing. In classes I would also have kids put me down, tell me no one loves me, make fun of me for being just myself, and of course, that only made me wanna beat myself up even more. Also, they made fun of me for pulling, and saying how gross it was, thinking I was doing it by choice. Of course, this only made me wanna beat myself up even more. How did I do this? By pulling.
Summer of 2009 came around. What did I do that summer? I spent 5 weeks in Poland/Israel and met 49 of the most amazing people on this Earth. I was so freaking happy during those 5 weeks (except when I was visiting the camps, but of course, it needed to be done). I barely pulled. I don't know why, but I think it was the combination of me being able to be who I actually was and not being afraid of being judged. No one in my group knew me before hand except for 2 people, and even then, they still treated me no differently. I went to Israel through my youth group, USY, which had been my safe zone since 9th grade. Finally I graduated from good old high school, but I didn't go to Israel with my grade, because why should I spend 3 months with a group of people who just make me feel lousy? Yeah, going over the summer was definitely a better choice.
Today, I still pull, but I have found some amazing support through Facebook. This group has helped me become not ashamed of my trich, but instead helped me realize how much I can fight it. Since joining the group, I have been able to go a whole day without pulling. You may think this is no big deal, but pulling is like blinking for me, so to go a whole day without pulling was a huge accomplishment for me.
In class, you will see me pulling, because I am trying to figure what is going out, and trying hard to process what is going on and trying to take in the information, which is difficult for me, and stresses me out, and stress causes me to pull, which is a normal trigger for people. Also, on campus last year, they tried to raise awareness to Trich, and they did this by dressing people up as zombies. I am not a zombie, I am a human being just like you and what will not help me is shedding negative light to trich, such as my college campus did. At the pre-school, some teachers yell at me because I am pulling and when they ask me what I am doing, I just say getting rid of my split ends. It just so happens, when I focus too hard, I pull, but really, those kids sort of help me not pull. One thing I won't do is let the kids play with my hair because I am so conscience of the minor bald spots I have. I really won't let anyone play with my hair because I am so conscience of it. Other triggers include being really tired and fighting sleep. Also, I have really bad anxiety, and the bad anxiety does not help in anyway lessen the trich, only makes it worse.
Sometimes I have like a Trich Attack where I just pull and pull and can't find the power to stop within me.
Things that don't help me is when you tell me to stop pulling, it just makes me want to pull more. Things that do help is just simply saying "HANDS!" to help me stay aware that I am doing it and just giving me lots of support. There is no cure, no medication; there is only willpower to overcome this. Some days are worse than others, I will admit. I will even message someone and say "I'm pulling, just talk to me so I can keep my hands on the keyboard" and those people who will just keep typing with me.
I hope now that you know, you will help support me as I become pull-free. I didn't ask for trich, and I don't need trich.

Remember, I copy and pasted this but I do want you to be educated....because it is a mental illness that is out there....and I am sure I am not the only one that suffers....

[PSY]

Thank you for sharing your story with us, Amalia. I am sorry to hear that you've dealt with so many ignorant people (and I'm particularly dismayed by the "awareness" event your college sponsored!), but I am glad to hear that you have some support to combat all the negativity. I hope other members will read your story and find the strength to tackle their own challenges, whether it be trichotillomania or something else.

[Darkeinu ♥]

Thank you, it means a lot