Triggering (Suicide): Reoccurring dreams

[Ashleyhateslife]

Was do you guys believe cause reoccurring dreams? I know you aren't all doctors so just give me opinions.

I hope this is the right forum.

I keep having this dream, every night for three nights in a row. In my dream, I am looking at things from my soul's point of view, and I see that I hung myself and I see my mom finding my body, and she doesn't cry, it doesn't bother her at all. Everyone else in my family is extremely, unusually happy and excited. When I wake up I get very depressed and I'm crying because I just recently failed at committing suicide. I was up and my chest hurts, my body is stiff, and you can feel and see in my eyes that I had been crying for awhile. People told me not to kill myself because I'm needed. But I'm nothing special. And when people tell me that I act like I agree because I don't want to argue about it. I am not needed, everything I do other people can do. I felt like my family didn't care about me before but now.... It's even worse. I hate it, and I don't want to fail or get my mom all worked. I do fine, and I am pretty happy for the most of the day. Except before, during, and after I sleep. I'm afraid to go to sleep tonight. Usually self talk works for me except for headaches and now this. I can't get them to stop. I sort of went off topic but is there anyway I can't prevent or stop these dreams? Why do I keep having the same one?

[Ashleyhateslife]

Anyone??? I've had them for 5 nights in a row now!

[OMFG!You'reActuallySmart!]

There are various theories of why people have certain dreams and how to interpret them through whatever psycho-babble but I think it's obvious in your case. You said you failed to commit suicide, feel unwanted and unneeded, so these dreams portray your strong desires to kill yourself, as well as your beliefs that people aren't going to mourn over you. Hanging is a reliable way of killing yourself because it's fairly fast (not instant though despite what some movies may show), doesn't leave the body horribly mutilated and there's no easy way of backing out or having someone bust down the door to rescue you in time. It may also be the way you tried to kill yourself before.

One way to influence the content of your dreams is by thinking hard and having strong feelings toward something. I'm not sure how reliable this explanation is but it seems fitting in this case.

Suicide is a big issue in families and your parents may be unsure how to handle your suicide attempt. Some parents blame themselves for being shitty parents, some blame the media, some blame a particular person/band, etc... . Regardless of the target of your parents' blame, they may not talk directly to you because they may not know how to console you. However, you may also be interpreting their behaviour incorrectly, they may be saddened and recluse but not because they hate you, rather they may be unsure how to proceed. In other words, it's a bizarre form of caring.

The only ways I can think of how to resolve it revolve around being open about it to your folks. If they already know you tried to kill yourself, it's not going to be a huge surprise when you come and talk to them in a depressed mood, it'd be worrisome if you came to them in a very happy mood to discuss your dreams and recent attempted suicide. Your parents will tell you that they do care about you. They'll tell you you're needed in this world even if you accomplish jack shit because they need you and they cant get some random girl to replace you. Your parents may also have you see a mental health professional, not because you've gone bonkers, rather they care but aren't sure what to do so it's common-sense to get someone who knows what to do.

A popular idea on these forums is to write a letter to your parents but I think that's unnecessary here. Writing a letter is good if you cant confront your parents AND your parents don't know what's going on but they do know what's going on, so you'd be better off talking to them. If you truly cannot, then resort to the letter but I've always found face-to-face confrontations are better than giving a letter. It creates uneasiness of how to approach you if you give the letter because your folks have to plan it out, worry what to do, you'll detect their worried behaviour, they'll fret even more about your depressed look and it goes foul.

From looking around on these forums and interacting with various people, those who are depressed often say they're "fine" or they manage through the day without any problems at all. If someone sees that you look sad, it's probably because you are sad but you're re-labeling it as "happy". These behaviours are also indicators people care about you. If someone didn't care about you, they wouldn't try to console you at all, they'd either ignore you or have no problem adding a pile of shit on your plate.

[Ashleyhateslife]

My parents know about the dream, suicide attempt and depression. I took a full bottle of amitryptiline. I am seeing a psychologist but everything he tells me does not work with this dream, but it works with everything else. If it happens for more then another week then I will most like be admitted to our hospital and they'd put me on stuff for sleep deprevation for a day or two, I would rather not go there. I want to fix it on my own but I can't.

[OMFG!You'reActuallySmart!]

If your psychologist's advice is unsuccessful for the dream, have you tried talking with your parents? They may not be qualified but they don't need to be to help you in this case.

[Ashleyhateslife]

Yeah, I have tried talking to them. Nothing is really helping. I'm not as panic in the morning but I am still panicking in my sleep. I'm starting to get chest pain really bad. If it gets any worse I'll need to go to the doctor anyway. FML