Non-PG13: Am I going mad?

[cole11]

It's been a long time since I last posted, about eight months i think.. a lot has changed, preferably need some advice on what to do next please!

Ok, so for the past year I've been smoking weed haard, constantly on it every day getting stoned off my nut. I've tried coming off it but it makes me go mad; but when I can't get it, I can replace it with alcohol, or some other drug and i'm fine.. so this begs the question of, am I addicted to weed or am I just addicted to the initial intoxication?

I've noticed a dramatic change in myself (most of it being down to smoking) in the past year, some things for the better, others for the worse. Prior to smoking weed, I had an alcohol addiction which only lasted about six months which was bought on by the separation with my ex. Depression and self harm have always been major issues in my life from the age of 13 onwards (I am 18 now). Some days I feel fantastic, others I feel like killing myself.. the point is everyday I feel like I'm starting to wake up as someone else; a different person everyday. I can feel myself coming apart at the seams.. I don't feel like I'm changing into a different person, I feel as if I am becoming different people, all in one mind if that makes any sense? I've been to the doctors multiple times and they never do anything - just a self referral to a 'young people's' Councillor.. however I feel like I'm way past that and am more likely to need a psychiatric evaluation?

Some days I want help. Some days I want to stop drinking and taking drugs.. I don't even know why I take them.. to numb out the reality but I don't even know whats making me so fucked up in the first place?! But other days I feel fine... anyway I'm nearing the end of my college course and this is the time where I need to sort myself out and get my act together, so any advice? (I already know I should stop smoking, so please don't state the obvious lol! looking more for any advice on mental health, any suggestions as what could be wrong with me?)

[Golem]

Dont think you are addicted to weed , you just want the feeling back and when u dont have it you try to look if you can find it else where ... trust me been there done that.
It makes you feel like its a meditation but as long as you have sth else on your mind , work friends whatever you dont need it.
I use to smoke quiet the few , then holidays came and i said to myself ill just leave it out for the time cuz ill be moving alot across borders , when i came back after 1 and a half months i didnt want to some anymore cuz it made me feel like ill just be tired and miss the whole day.

However since you do have problems with other drugs and self harm Id advise you to seek psychiatric evaluation and start reducing the amounts you take , letting of steam on the weekend is fine but not at the cost of your daily life.

Hang in there and wish you luck mate

[Dr.Bobby]

Hi Cole,

It doesn't sound like you're 'Mad' (USA='Crazy', UK, USA= psychotic)), but it definitely sounds like you've got a long history of emotional problems that you've tried to (unsuccessfully) address with drugs and alcohol, and they're getting worse. So, you've got two things going on, we call that 'Dual diagnosis' (Substance abuse and depression).

What you might benefit from is inpatient treatment, where you're removed from the environment and placed in a new one, devoid of the pot and booze and all the bad stuff that goes with them, and replaced with lots of professionals and treatments that get to the bottom of both issues..and fix them...Or, your doc might try extensive out patient treatment, which it doesn't sound like you've had with a psychologist or psychiatrist at least once or twice a week.

Call your doc hun, and explain your entire history, leave out no details, and let him/her make a proper assesement and treatment recommendations.