Appointment

[cardio]

I have two concerns here.

A couple of people have been talking to me about issues I'm having. I don't feel like explaining it all, I had a huge long "everything that's gone wrong and I'm all alone and I don't know how to deal with it" post in the depression/suicide board, so probably the best advice on this first issue would be from people who have read that, but I completely understand if no one else feels like reading it.
But anyway, I said how I was going to go to a walk-in appointment with a psychologist on-campus on Friday. And I heard about this through an e-mail from my peer advisor to all the people she advises with just info about the medical facility on campus and she said these walk-in appointments are good for if you just need someone to talk to. However, on the website it says they are for urgent needs. I really don't know if I fit that...I mean I'm hanging on until Friday, obviously it wasn't super urgent... But at the same time, it says regular appointments usually need to be made a few weeks in advance and I think I could probably make it that long, I really don't want to because I've been feeling like crap and I just want to get a professional's advice on what I can be doing to feel better so that I can stop being so angry and hurt and scared all the time. So I don't know what to do. What's considered urget/an emergency as far as counseling goes? I don't know if I qualify...

Second concern is, What do I expect from an appointment? I've been resisting therapy for years, even when my ex-boyfriend and his psychologist mother really wanted me to go to therapy. I resisted because I thought it would make me look weak and helpless. But now, I don't know where else to go because I don't have him to talk to anymore, so I need to do this. Yet, I'm still really scared. How do I start talking to this stranger about things that are inevitably going to make me cry? What's it like the first time going to a therapist and any other tips people have?

EDIT: It sort of sounds like I'm just saying I'm nervous to go, but I'm not really nervous about going so much as it's about how I don't know how to open up to someone I've never met before and I just generally wondered how the first appointment usually goes? Do they ask a lot of questions to get you talking? Because I don't know in what order to say things or whatever...

[OMFG!You'reActuallySmart!]

The fact you're using terms such as, "hanging on", are uncertain if you can wait for a few weeks and feel distressed during most parts of the day indicates you may want to go sooner. Besides, if you go, you probably won't get turned down as there is evident distress and turning you down could make it worse. However, if they do turn you down, you've at least got in their system so they'll be aware.

The first time is meant to establish a common ground, get to know you and you get to know the person you're seeing. If it's a therapist, you won't get a diagnosis nor medication from them but you would get psychotherapy. There are different approaches so they may ask you to do some, "homework", in the sense you record your behaviours on a sheet of paper for the next visit, or they may try to provide unconditional love, or other things. The questions, at first, are going to center around you and keep in mind, if they take notes (they usually do), they're not simply observing what you say. Instead, they're observing, what you say, how you say it, what you don't say, and when you say. In doing so, they'll base their questions off your reactions, so they may not be straight-forward and blunt if you're crying unwilling to talk.

They will ask questions to get you to talk because otherwise it's an eye-staring contest. If you're willing to talk, they may ask certain questions or impose certain limits. You're not going to be a surprise to them, they're seen other students who felt the same so be truthful as much as possible. If you cry, you cry, they're not going to make you cry but they're not going to treat you like roadkill either. It doesn't matter if you don't know the order to say things, they'll figure it out. However, if you resist, then you're shooting yourself in the foot.

A psychologist would do much of the same, only they can diagnose you. It's a question whether or not they make that diagnosis apparent to a psychiatrist so it can be on your medical record. I've never seen a school-psychologist so I cant give any personal experiences.

[Dr.Bobby]

Shannon, take this a step at a time.

So, go to that appointment and explain as best (and as comfortably) as possible what's been going on for you, how you feel, and the effects it's had on you. Maybe why you're there, what your goals are. It's a 45 minute appt., don't expect to cover everything in that time, just an over view, and just what feels OK for you, there's always next week's appt. Right now, you're just filled with apprehension based on how badly you feel coupled with the ambiguity of your expectations. Understandable. You can manage that by thinking about what you want to say, and then realizing that even though the person who'll be listening is still unknown to you, they're really good at caring for helping people just like you. And allow yourself to feel reassured by that, instead of the anxiety of the unknown.

[cardio]

Thank you, this sounds a lot less overwhelming now.

However, today I felt quite a bit better. I still feel like there's this pit in my stomach and chest, but it hasn't hurt much today. I'm going to wait and see how the next few days go and if they're consistently somewhat better than I have been doing, I'm not going to go Friday but I'll call and make an appointment (I looked on the website about making appointments too and saw that it actually says anywhere from a few days to a few weeks later for appointments, depending on how busy they are/how flexible my schedule is, and my schedule is pretty flexible and it's early in the school year so I may be able to get one for next week). If I can wait, I would just rather have a scheduled appointment, it makes me feel better for whatever reason.

[cardio]

I just made an appointment for two weeks from today. And the lady on the phone said if I need to talk to anyone sooner to come in anytime Monday through Friday from 1-3pm. And so I have the set appointment and if I feel like I have to, I can go in on Friday or whenever I don't have a class (turns out the walk-ins are only generally 30 minutes so I can fit that into a lot more places in my schedule).
I feel so proud of myself. After more than 2 years of people trying to get me to go to therapy, I made an appointment all on my own! Honestly the fact that I did it is making me start to feel a bit better, without even having gone to talk to someone yet, just the idea that I finally did it and on my own and I know this person will help me!

[Dr.Bobby]

Well, you're on your way, good for you! Let us know how it goes!