Triggering (ED): Shes driving me crazy

[RainFlower]

Ive only known her for about a year. But we're really close. She tells me things that she doesnt even tell her therapist, that she doesnt tell anybody else. I have trouble trusting people. So id always just listen to her and be there for her, not tell her about my problems. I didnt really feel the need to tell her, because my problems were over. But lately ive been feeling really depressed, I think I might be relapsing. But when I try to talk to her, she listens for a few minutes, but quickly goes back to her problems. Her stupid boy problems that really dont even matter. She rants for hours to me about them, wanting a solution. I tell her whats honestly going to fix it, but she somehow dismisses my advice. Shes used to her problems, like the eating disorder she struggled with, being really big and hard to deal with. So when she has smaller problems that really arent hard, she drags them out because shes used to being the center of attention and getting all the sympathy. She says she hates her eating.disorder, but I secretly think she loves it. She loves being different. She loves it so much that she wont accept that I have the same problem as her and I need her to be there for me!!!!
I just dont know what to do because I hate being around her. But I love her and dont want to lose her!!
What should I do? I think shes really unhealthy for me, all her talk of rehab and therapists and purging is really triggering for me...especially because she just wont listen!

[Woo! Imagination xD]

My opinion here is you need to use communication. Talk to her about this. Tell her that you care about her, but as much as she needs support, you do too. She will understand if you talk to her calmly about it. If you feel that she isn't understanding you, then you should try to put her in your shoes. Ask her how she'd feel if everytime she wanted to talk to you about a problem she was having, if you turned it around on you.

Communication is the key to any relationship, whether its a friendship or an intimate one. I hope it works out and let me know if you need anybody to talk to

[PSY]

In addition to what Pavan said, you may want to consider 1) limiting your contact with this friend, 2) restricting the sorts of conversations you have, and 3) going to other people in order to discuss your own issues. If your friend really can't (or refuses to) see things from your point-of-view, then you need to think about your mental well-being before anything else. Limiting your time with her may make you sad/lonely at first, but if it will benefit you in the long-run, that's what you'll need to do. You can also change the course of your conversations by discussing something else - not one of your issues, per se, but something more mundane or off-topic. Every time she starts to complain about boys or discuss triggering topics, change the topic. Finally, we can't always have a give-and-take relationship with friends when we're both hurting. Sometimes, we need to find a third person to "unload" on, because the first friend is hurting and/or too caught up in their own problems to help us. It's not disloyal to turn to someone else during this difficult time. In fact, it may be the best thing you can do, both for yourself and for your friend. =)