Don't know what to do...

[MeggieMoo1995]

I thought I'd put this here since it doesn't really fit into just one of the other forums. Sorry if it's in the wrong place.

I'm a junior in high school now and have a teacher from freshman year that I've gotten to be really close with. She doesn't teach me anymore, but we see each other outside of school a lot at the rink because her daughters and I are all figure skaters.

I've confided in this teacher about a lot of things. She's the one who persuaded me to get counselling at the end of freshman year for what I later found out was post-traumatic stress disorder and depression.

Lately things have been getting bad again, as in my mood is going more and more downhill, and I've taken up some old habits that aren't so healthy (self-harming and restricting my food intake being the biggest ones). I'm also starting to feel suicidal again...

She's always telling me that her door is open if I want to talk, and I know she means it. My whole thing though is that if I go talk to her, I don't want to upset her or burden her or anything. She knows about everything, and she's one of the only people I told about my suicide attempt two summers ago, A lot of the times we talk about how I'm feeling, we both end up crying, and I feel horrible about for upsetting her. At the end of the school year in June, she gave me her cell phone number to call in case I ever really needed her, which I never ended up using, and I guess that kind of goes to show how close we are.

I go and talk to her at lunchtime maybe once or twice a week, just about school, skating, work, stuff like that. Then before I leave, she always asks if I'm okay. I want to tell her what's actually going on, but whenever I try I freeze up, or the bell rings and I have to go to class. I don't know why I'm so scared... I want to ask for help before it's too late again, but I really don't know how...

[suicidaldreams]

My suggestion is that you do just go and talk to her about everything. She cares about you and she wants to help you. I don't think she cares much about whether you are a "burden" on her or not. She probably doesnt feel that you are. So go talk to her, since she is the one that knows everything, it will be the easiest to talk to her, and it will most likely help. And if you want someone else to talk to you can talk to me Good luck and i hope you feel better and i also hope this helps a little

[PSY]

You've got to give your teacher some credit. If she felt she couldn't handle the "burden", then she wouldn't have offered to help you and given you her cell phone number. Try not to second-guess what people tell you, and unless they indicate otherwise, assume that they really DO want to help you. =)

On that note, if you're concerned about overwhelming your teacher, why not start talking to other people as well? You don't have to disclose anything too personal at first - just talk to a few friends/adults and see how receptive they are. Once you've begun to confide in your teacher, you can start to open up to other people as well, thus gradually taking all the "burden" off your teacher and distributing it among a small group of people. This is for your own good as well as your teacher's, because it's important to have a strong NETWORK of supportive people, vs. just one person.