I don't know if this is normal...

[OMH]

I am a college freshman, and I'm just getting the hang of it. I came into college with the ideas that I could create a new life.
In high school, I was one of those students that nobody knew existed. I wasn't invited to parties. Even my small handful of friends never invited me to anything. I spent my out of school time in front of the TV. My in school time was me hiding myself. I have never been able to express who I truly am. I fear talking about my true feelings, because whenever I did, my friends would call me retarded and sometimes hit me. I grew used to it.
I decided to take advantage to go to a college that no one else in my school went to. The first few weeks I dived into social contact, but I fell into unsocial behaviors just as quickly. The long time spent in my room have got me thinking about my life.
I have only ever had friends that don't care if I'm there or not. people don't think to include me in events or conversations, and when I try to include myself, the conversation becomes awkward and quiet until i leave. People only ever hung out with me outside of school, if they had already gone through their other options (they told me so).
I've already had a few college friends bitch me out for my extremely low self-esteem
I have found myself more depressed than happy. I can't even remember a time when I wasn't depressed.
I have taken dozens of personality disorder/depression online tests...they all say that I have things like avoidant personality disorder, schizophrenia, and high risk of depression. I know that you can't completely trust those, but if multiple sources confirm that, can it be true?
I think my real question is, Is this all normal teenage ideas? should i talk to someone? How do I talk about this with someone without sounding like I complaining little hypochondriac?

Ps, I'm sorry if this doesn't make much sense, or sounds attention seeking or anything, but my thoughts have been really jumbled lately

[PSY]

Welcome to TeenHelp! =)

No, you shouldn't believe online tests just because they all say the same thing. If I said Lindsay Lohan was a zebra on my blog, and ten people decided to post that on their blogs, would that make us right, simply because it was seen on more than one blog? Of course not! You cannot trust something simply because you see it on multiple websites. What you need to do is see a psychological professional for a proper assessment and diagnosis. Online tests miss SO MUCH information, ex. family history, medical history, social/environmental factors. They also tend to generalize and pathologize what could be perfectly normal behavior/feelings.

A good place to start would be your university's psych services. They usually have one clinical psychologist/psychiatrist on staff, and because you're a student, it should be free. If it's not, talk to your regular doctor and ask for a referral to someone in the area. It could be a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist - the important thing is that you find someone whom you can be honest with and comfortable around. Establishing that therapeutic alliance will allow you to convey what's going on without feeling embarrassed, and it will allow your therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist to offer the best possible support during this difficult time.

I wish you all the best, and hope you'll take the next step (seeking professional help) soon. There is only so much the internet (and "non-experts") can tell you.

[roller♥coaster]

Robin is right about all of this!

I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone with these kinds of feelings. I'm a university sophomore, and I deal with many of the things you're describing as well. It can really be painful to feel this way, and it certainly isn't attention-seeking or anything else to describe it. Sometimes others don't understand what it's like to feel rejected or lonely like that, so try not to feel too invalidated by others if you tell them about it, a suggestion I know is much easier to make than it is to put to use.

I hope everything works out.