Boyfriend with OCD. Help!

[sasaboo]

I'm not sure if this really goes in this section, or the mental disorders section, but I'm putting it here. Hope that it isn't a problem.

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, and we were going to get married this December. However, we called it off just recently. We think he's been suffering from OCD, and lately he's been extremely depressed. He has intrusive thoughts (a big problem for him because he's trying to be a Christian, and his brain keeps telling him not to believe any of it). The biggest problem lately is that he just can't ever be happy anymore. I mean, I think it's gone on for nearly two or three months now. For a while his depression settled down but now it's back with a vengeance. He's had a meltdown nearly every day and his dad threatened to send him to the mental hospital for thirty days-- while he was in meltdown mode. Needless to say, hearing this did not help.

One problem has been that he tends to manipulate me in arguments. And if he's depressed or upset about something, you can't convince him of anything. I have to walk on eggshells around him to keep him happy, and if he's upset about anything, I try to keep my mouth shut-- which he gets mad at me for, because the thinks I'm not trying to help him if I don't comment on it. Really, I'm just protecting myself. If I do comment, he usually disagrees or gets mad at me. I always come out of an argument feeling like the worst person on earth, and later he apologizes for this, but at that point I've already been run into the ground and it doesn't matter.

Also, he is depressed to the point where he can't feel for anything. Including me. After being with him for a year and a half, I hate to hear that he can't care about me anymore. That's why we called the wedding off.

He hates being like this and is trying to get on medication. I'm bipolar myself, and have been on medication for a few months. I'm a totally new person and am doing great, and it's easy for me to be empathetic to his disorder. I know what it's like to feel depressed and not care about anything.

He's such a great guy and I really love him, but I'm scared that even once he gets help, the situation won't get any better.
My mother's first husband (my late father) was ocd and he abused her, mentally and physically. My boyfriend would never hit me, but I don't like what's been done to me mentally. He doesn't mean any of it. It just happens, and I want to be there for him while he's trying to sort it out. He knows he's hurt me, because I wrote a letter to him telling him what he's done, and he's trying hard to fix it. He's been very sweet to me and is trying hard to be happy. But I can see that he's struggling, and I really just want him to be better. Until he can, though, does anyone have any kind words to help me cope?
He was there for me through my bipolar and encouraged me to take medication, which changed my life for the better. I want to be there for him too, but I think it's a lot more extreme, to be honest. All I did was have mood swings, while he has the ability to manipulate and his depression has lasted for soooo long.

Please help!

[Chair]

Ask him where he sees your relationship in 6 months. Express your own view.
Find a middle ground.
Don't worry, be happy.

[Aletheia*]

I'm going to assume that this is all word of mouth coming from him, the way you say he's depressed and has obsessive compulsive disorder. Has he ever been diagnosed with either? Until he has, you have to assume nothing. Without a proper diagnosis from a professional doctor (which, we are not), you cannot go around telling people that he suffers from depression and OCD. He really needs to get to a professional and get checked out, get some medication for it, to see what will work for him. Medication might help, it might not. You won't know until he sees someone about these feelings. I would highly recommend having him sent to a doctor to get checked out. That's the only way to know for sure.

[PSY]

The first step is to set up an appointment with a psychological professional. Self-diagnosis is not only irresponsible, it can be quite dangerous. OCD can be characterized by intrusive thoughts, but abusive behavior is NOT part of the criteria for that mental illness. Your boyfriend may have other issues that need to be resolved outside of the anxiety/depression he's experiencing. He may need to see one professional for assessment/diagnosis/medication/individual therapy, and another professional for couples/pre-marital counseling, so the two of you can work through the abusive behavior and get to a point where marriage is a viable option again. For individual therapy, someone who specializes in anxiety/mood disorders would be ideal. If one of your boyfriend's primary sources of intrusive thoughts revolves around religion, it may also prove beneficial to find a Christian therapist, so the mental health concerns can be integrated with the spiritual conflicts.