Repression

[shadow_of_others]

I keep wondering whether repression of memories and then a sudden remembering of them can occur. I'm a psych major and I was taught for years that the way the brain physiology and memory and stress work together, it is impossible for this to occur. Rather, the memory of something horrific, such as sexual abuse, would be so emblazoned on your mind you would be unable to forget the event.

Yet I find myself questioning why do I have a partial memory of a sexual assault that seems to be too vivid to be a dream, yet I only remember the beginning of it. Also, I remember when I was little, probably about 6 or 7, I woke up with circular bruises covering both my arms. I believe they may have been from fingers because there were perfect little circles on each arm. It was a long time ago, so I don't remember if there were 5 or not, I'm only guessing, yet I don't remember how I got them. They weren't there when I went to sleep, and they were too big to be from myself.

I know there's a huge controversy over repression in the field of psychology.

[PSY]

You're right - there's a lot of controversy about repression, due to false memories and how many people have ended up in jail because of testimony by supposed victims of abuse. Some psychological professionals have also gotten into trouble because they essentially create false memories in their patients' minds. So there are quite a few things to consider in your case. How did these memories resurface? Was it after talking to someone who suggested the idea/made a reference to something you didn't initially remember, or did they resurface on their own? Can you think of anything that may have led to the resurfacing of these memories (ex. watching a movie about abuse, studying this material in a class and experiencing the resurfacing of memories very soon afterward, etc.)?

[Thirteen]

I'd say it's possible, though not very likely. I mean, considering the fact that you were at least 5, I'd imagine retaining the memory wouldn't be an issue. However, if you had said you were 2, 3, or even 4 when it happened, it'd be more likely.

Basically, the mind is still in critical stages before you're 5, therefore it's near impossible to remember everything (most people don't remember ANYTHING) from this critical stage. Personally, I remember when I was 3 and we first got our dog (who has passed away since), but that's the only clear memory I have from when I was young.

Once you're over 5, memories (especially anything that could be considered traumatic) aren't very likely to be "wiped away" (for lack of a better way to put it). So, maybe it really was a dream? I'm not saying it didn't happen, but I'm saying that there are other possibilities.

Have you considered seeing a professional about this? I would think hypno-therapy of some sort would be able to help "recover" this, if it really did happen. But, as Robin said, you should probably also consider when/how this "memory" (in quotations due to the uncertainty here) was brought to surface.

[shadow_of_others]

With me, there wasn't anything else going on at the time, or anything that would have made me think of this. Just one night I was asleep, and I got woken up with him climbing up on me. Then he started touching me and crap and I was terrified and maybe hyperventilating some and my mouth was covered. That's all I remember until I woke up the next morning in a complete fog and was really sore around my thighs.

The bit with the bruises, I might have been younger. I just remember when my mom saw them she looked panic and told me I need to wear long-sleeves that Sunday to cover them up. I really don't remember any other occasion around this time to piece it together in a time frame. I used to have really bad nightmares about him attacking us and hurting us, though, when I was little. When he used to get pissed off and have one of his raging fights I used to freak out that skeletons were going to come out of the bathroom cabinet and come after me. When I think about it, it's quite silly, but as a youngster I was totally terrified.

He's also gotten so where he plays with himself through his shorts in the living room while watching TV. Sometimes he'll actually reach down his pants for a minute. It's very disturbing to me as I was always stuck sitting in a place that had more of a view in that direction so I could see it out of the corner of my eye. Not too long ago too, I got to sit somewhere else and he was behind me, and after the movie I was watching ended (he decided to watch it, too) he went to go to sleep, so he went to say good night to my mom and she refused to let him touch her. "I'm not letting you touch me after what you were doing!" When he questioned it, her response was, "You wouldn't want me to say in front of your daughter!" I think they may have been fighting about it. It's always just gone ignored before.

Sometimes I just feel like I'm totally crazy... But I don't live there anymore. I'm just trying to figure all this out now, and there are lots of questions.

[Thirteen]

You should probably try to find someone to help you recover this, because well, since you were asleep, it could've been a vivid dream. It could've also been actual sexual abuse. I'm not sure, and you seem a bit confused about it yourself, so maybe a professional would be able to make more sense of it.