Why am I so sad?

[Squidlubber]

Hey, I'm a 16 year old boy. During the day at school I am a really happy person and have a fair amount of friends and people say I'm even funny. I have lots of energy, and try hard during school hours. Then I get home. I live with my mom and dad, my sister went to college when I was 8, and its just me and my mom for a few hours till my dad comes home. I love both of my parents so much but everything my they say I can't help but arguing and getting really mad for no reason. All of my happiness from school is gone. I yell at my mom mostly and make her cry once every month or so. When I'm talking back to her I know its wrong and stupid, but I can't stop. I try to do my homeworks but I start to read the textbook but I begin and within a few minutes I'm thinking about something, anything else. I do really well in school except for homework which I end up doing during school. During the night is the worst though. Every night I go to bed and I lay there for half and hour thinking and thinking, I can't stop thinking. Then I get really sad and I start to cry. I am usually up until 1 (in bed before 11) laying and thinking about how hopeless I am and sometimes I'm just sad. Not thinking about anything in particular but laying in bed crying for no reason. I've never seriously thought about killing my self, but I have to hold myself back from jumping out my window (1 floor up) and running and going anywhere else. The worst I did was cut my fingers with a swiss army knife until they bled. My sadness has escalated to me lieing to my parents and faking throwing uo because I was too sad to go to school. When this happens it doesn't help my grades much at all. I have no one to talk to about any of my problems so after about a year I am coming to TH. I am worried that my mom would say it was nothing and my dad is not the kind of person I would go to for help with anything except homework. I am afraid that one night I will do something stupid because I am so sad, something I can't undo. Please help me, and if this is normal, please tell me. Thank you so much anyone who reads this.
Alex

[Kate*]

Hey Alex, welcome I can relate a lot to this and I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. If you can't bring this up with your parents I would suggest the guidance counselor, teacher, or another adult you can trust. It isn't okay to go to bed crying every night for no reason. Some of the fighting with your parents might stop as you get older. I remember yelling things at my mom where I would be thinking "this is wrong, this is wrong, shut up" and it would come out anyway, this can happen sometimes and usually goes away as you get older.

Nights are always worse for me too, it's like I can't turn my brain off and then I'm tired the next day which makes everything worse. Thoughts of suicide are very scary to have and concerning to hear about, you need to speak to someone about them, even if you don't think you would do something.

[Squidlubber]

I'm glad to know someone else can relate. Who would you suggest I go to? I've never talked my school counsler about anything except school.

[Kate*]

Any adult you trust would be a good start, guidance counselors are used to stuff like this even if you've never talked to them about it before.