Forced Treatment - is it wrong?

[PeacexOne]

For those of you who are willing or can relate to this in any way please give me some advice. I am currently so torn on the situation that I can't sleep each night thinking about it.

My mother needs help, badly. The point is she doesn't know it. For over 5 years now she's been under the impression that there are indefinite numbers of people who're after her. When we're out she constantly feels she’s being watched. There are certain things she won't say in the house as she thinks we've been bugged. Any outsider who approaches us whether it be a telemarketer or a charity collector was automatically a spy and rudely dispensed of. There are many other things as well but there's no point listing them all now.

She's dead set on these ideas, no amount of convincing the otherwise would sway her, infact over the years it's lead to her suspecting those around her as well- including me. She is divorced, I am the only person who lives with her and the rest of our family are overseas. She has no close friends, no one she willingly talks to anymore. Anyone who tries is usually met with contained aggression.

At first I thought I would just go with it. Selfishly I did not want to loose her trust, despite knowing it was misdirected so after awhile I just stopped arguing with her, in some cases even going with what she says as it's the only way to communicate with her on the matter. I only realized how wrong I was a few months back when she refused to leave the house anymore. She's lost her job, we can't pay the mortgage and if this goes on we will lose the house. I work on weekends and my dad helps me with school fees but the money I earn is barely enough to get our grocery each week.

My other relatives have given up on trying to speak to her (she always hangs up on them anyway) and are now turning to the idea of putting her in a mental institution, forcibly if they had to. It all seems unreal to me when they talk about it like that. I know she would never go with it, she truly doesn't think anything's wrong. On one heated occasion dad accuses me of not bothering to do anything; he says if I stay with her long enough I'll end up just as insane as she is. The truth is I can't bare the thought of betraying her like that, cause that's what she'll see it as; total betrayal. How would you feel if all the people who are suppose to love you told you they think you’ve lost it? Besides the notion of calling a counselor over is just ridiculous, she'll most likely slam the door in their face the first second, and how could we even afford professional help anyway? Still, nothing is done it'll be the worst possible scenario for all of us. Please help, I feel like I’m in way over my head and there’s nowhere to turn.

[Whisperer]

Hey there,

Sounds like you're in a really tough situation right now. I commend you for staying with your mom and caring so much about her not to leave her. From my point of view, in this situation, it isn't wrong for forced treatment. Part of the reason she won't accept treatment is because of her mental health. I think that at this point, it's okay to find help for her. Not being able to undertake daily tasks especially as an adult is painful to her and those around her (like you). It's a little different but sometimes when I want to do something unhealthy such as isolate myself when I'm depressed, I'm reminded it's depression talking trying to take over and that's part of the disorder. This is similar in that way. Any person who knew how sick they were mentally would want treatment but the reason she doesn't is because of her sickness. Trying to convince her won't do anything as you have learned. In my opinion she definitely needs professional help whether she'll accept it or not.

When it comes to finding this help, it's not all your responsibility. I'm sure it feels like it completely being her daughter but remember, she is the mother, sick or not. By that all I mean is that all you need to do is go to a professional and they will be able to do the rest. Most people accept insurance and in a situation like this there's plenty of free help available. If I were you I would start by approaching a counselor at your school if you go to school. They have a lot of connections and should be able to take care of things and get her the help she needs. Another option you can do is approach your family members. A mental institution is often depicted as a terrible place for insanely crazy people but it's really just a hospital for people who are sick mentally rather then physically. It may sound awful from your point of view, but once she is able to be treated, you'll see how different a person she is. At first, she may see it as betrayal but as she gets better (which she will have some hope!) she will realize. Take a deep breath and put some of the weight on people whose job it is to deal with these situations. I wish you the best of luck in this and I really hope things will work out. Keep me up to date how things are going.

Hang in there, there is hope!
Alessa

[PeacexOne]

Thank you very much for your advice Alessa.
I do believe what you're saying is right, it's just comforting to hear it from someone else. At the moment I’m searching online for revenues that can help us in this situation. I live in Australia so there are many services available, though my mother's defensiveness would make it hard to get her co-operation. Also I've been in contact with my aunt from overseas, she's called and says she might be able to come over for the Christmas break. Of-course to my mum she says it's only for a holiday but I think her presence here would help. So thank you again, reading your advice has made me feel a little more assured about where to take things.

[Whisperer]

That's great to hear. I definitely think having someone else in the house will be beneficial to both of you. I think your mother will reach the point where she know she needs the help and will be thankful to everyone around her it just might take time for her to get there. I'm glad I helped. Feel free to PM me with any updates or questions or if you just want to talk I'm always here.

[OMFG!You'reActuallySmart!]

Back in 2009, my parents and I had to take my grandmother to the hospital after my grandfather phoned us because she was acting in a very unusual and dangerous manner by tearing and clawing at her face, especially around her eyes tearing the skin open and having it bleed. She had also apparently been refusing to eat, which wasn't all that great since she was pretty skimpy to start with. After a while she agreed to go to the local hospital to be assessed by a psychiatrist but once we got there, whada ya know, she lied, started fussing and shouting, creating a big scene. However, before sending her to the psych ward to be involuntarily admitted, the nurses tended to her wounds and took her blood pressure, which was so low it was amazing she didn't pass out (they re-tested using a different machine then manually because it was so low).
Once she got up to the psych ward, she was forcibly given medications because she kept spitting them out and has a fear of needles, so the thought of an IV only had her freak out even more.

Long story short, I thought it was very reasonable to have her involuntarily admitted because it was clear she couldn't function in a healthy way and refused to cooperate no matter how much my grandfather, parents or I attempted to calm her. After about 1.5 weeks, she became more compliant and although she wasn't released, the psychiatrists and nurses allowed her to have more freedom, so she was deemed to be shifted to voluntarily treatment. This didn't mean she got out right away, as it took roughly a bit over 1.5 months until she was finally released (of course due to later problems she got re-admitted a few times later). However, for the last year she's been fine.

I don't know how your health system works in Australia but if she is unable to care for herself or you in the manner you described, then she may need involuntarily admission. Once involuntarily admitted, treatment also can be involuntary. Over here, there are services you can call to have someone involuntarily taken to a hospital from their home or have people talk and briefly assess her, although they're not doctors.