Self esteem issue?

[witchita]

Like most teenagers, I dont have a lot of self esteem. I never feel pretty and I constantly feel like I am more 'Butch' than femanine.

At school Im pretty shy, I dont feel like I fit into any social group at school. Even my best friend (whos a boy) I kind off hang around with because I dont really know who else to hang around with. As much as hes one of my closest mates, we have nothing in common.

Two years ago I had some serious problems with a group of girls. When I finally stood up for myself they all turned on me. Spreading false rumours around school and bullying me verbally. I kind off stepped back and let it all happen, I told my parents but I didnt want them to get the teachers involved. So instead I pretended to take it into my own hands. Which was a lie because I didnt. I just waited for it all to stop. Ever since I constantly feel like people are talking about me, laughing about me and hating me. I have days when I feel so happy and talk and talk and talk, even coming out of my box a bit at school and showing them who I really am. But then I'll totally change and feel isolated from the world. I'll feel like everyone hates me, how much I am a let down and cry for most of the day.

Is this some sort of problem? should I go to a doctor or something?

Im a snowboarder, kick boxer, a swimmer and I use to do Karate. So Im pretty atheletic. Im muscley and I hate it! I look in the mirror and all I see if a wide shouldered douche bag. My face is long with quiet a big nose too. I never see what I want to see, I wish I looked more like the pretty girls in my school.

At snowboarding Im the only girl so I get a lot of attention from the lads, I guess thats only because Im allowing them to see my true personality. I feel confident with them to let my walls come down and be who I am.
Though, no boy has ever asked me out. Does that make me ugly?

Though one thing I would do if I was as pretty as them is to be nice to everyone around me. I often here them bitch (sometimes about their so called 'BF' Best friends) and I think what the hell is their problem?

[Koharuchan]

I have totally 100% been in your shoes before. I know EXACTLY what you're going through, the only difference is that I'm not athletic.

I was always shy and got bullied all the time for being myself. Like you, it made me feel like something was wrong, that I didn't fit anywhere, and I had no self esteem. I felt ugly and sad all the time, and I even had depression for a few years.

First off, you're not ugly. And what's wrong with being athletic? It's a good thing, it means you're healthy and get good exercise! As for the bitchy girls who make you feel bad, don't listen to a word they say. Believe me when I say I know firsthand how hard that can be, but in the end, you need to be yourself. Straying from who you are and conforming to what they are will only hurt you, because you're denying who you really are inside. It will only make you feel worse about yourself. I say forget those girls and focus on the friends you have; you said the guys at snowboarding like you. They're your friends, open up to them and hang out with them. Who needs those snotty girls that talk bad about their own friends?

You seem to me to be a bit tomboyish, and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm a tomboy too, and that was something that I got bullied for. Just believe me when I say things will get better. I know that sounds cliche, but it's the truth. Focus on the friends you have, because you're lucky to have them.

As for no guy asking you out, also been there. I didn't even get my first kiss until high school. Sometimes you have to be assertive; if you like a guy, go for it. But don't expect your first guy to be the one you'll be with forever, because nothing is that simple. There are many bumps on the road we call life, but you can either be afraid of those bumps or you can fly over them and enjoy the bumpy ride.

Be proud of who you are! Never give in to those people who put you down, because they're the weak ones, not you. They're so weak and shallow that they have to pick on other people so they can feel powerful, when in reality they're headed nowhere fast. Never be afraid to be who you really are, and let the real you shine bright.

PM me if you ever want to talk about any of your problems, I'm always willing to listen and help!