I'm not sure if I need help

[twistedhazard]

Ever since I was a child I have always been different, I was one to be the odd kid that most people never really wanted to know, so I was basically friendless most of my life.I had to older sisters but both of them hated me, so I was lonely and that's when I decided to make an imaginary friend(yes I know how this sounds) and eventually he became more and more realistic I could see him more clearly, hear his voice, sometimes I swear I could feel him. I was picked on by other kids for being small and having red hair so I would get into fights a lot, My one and only friend Christian was black, and one day there was a specefic kid who started making fun of him racially and saying stuff about his dad who was in prison. That's the first time I ever had a split in memory, I only remember a few minutes later, I was bashing the kid's face into the wall of school repeatedly, and laughing.After that my friend Christian moved away, and again I was the lonely freak of the school who almost killed a kid. That's when it got really bad With all the stress and loneliness, that's when my original 9 imaginary friends were made, I still have all of them. After that I began to always feel tired I was drowzy and having time lapses, I was forgetting to eat, drink everything. My health was degrading badly, and then a year straight I lost all my memory I only remember waking up crying and bloody from a cut I got on my arm. That was the last I had heard of from my imaginary friends I still don't know what happened. A few years went by and I moved far away to Florida, then it started coming back but slowly and with momentum, I was even more depressed having moved away from anything familiar to me, and still having no friends not even an imaginary friend. Then one day I heard his voice and he was telling me that it was time to go to bed(back then I ALWAYS went to bed at 9PM) I was extremely happy to hear him, and then I spoke to him more in my dreams, he was the only one I allowed to let in my dreams.and he told me to dream up a city so I did. But then I woke up before he could finish. The next day I went to bed and he was there along with the city, he told me to imagine a bunch of people in the city all talking and chatting happily and imagine all the types of people there are. So I did, but the only problem was the noise of all the people talking.I would come to grow used to this noise, I heard all day 24/7, and the best part was I could have a conversation with any of the people I wanted to who were in the city, sometimes I could see them. I was fine with this until one day the time lapses came back but only a few hours each time it never grew bigger. When I tried to talk to the people in the city in my head, my head would start throbbing and I would faint from the pain.Then one day my imaginary friend came back he was crying and saying that he was sorry to put me through all this and that the people of the city each wanted a turn with my body as I would sometimes let him do, and that the loss of memories I was having were the times THEY took over me. He apologized again and gave me some advice to only think of other things and to stop trying to talk to the citizens of my little city.After a bit my head would throb less and less each day as I took his advice and distracted myself as best I could, then one day in my dreams he he took me to a little grassy pasture and told me that some changes would be coming and not to worry. Since then only a few voices are left, the original 9 my imaginary friend, and slowly but surely more voices have been returning lately, and now I don't even know what to do my mind is clouded with the constant talking of the voices which I assigned numbers to, and so far I have over 20, and from speculation of when they come out when I'm speaking to friends they each are like a piece of me, like #12 is my twisted desires, #34 is my fatherly voice( I believe he came from my father never caring about me), and #1 who is my imaginary friend whom I now hate for many reasons. They each like to have fun warring with each other for my body at times but I know how to control them more. e. More and more numbers keep appearing I can't even keep up with them all. I'm always scared that they will come out when I'm at school because some of them make me go entirely crazy, they say and do odd things, like #14 tried to eat one of my friends I somehow managed to get in the middle of class. I currently call them "the numbered" because I don't even bother giving them names anymore.I'm scared to get rid of them lest they come back and I'm scared of what I will be without them, I have lost who or what I once was it seems the more I try to think of who I am I don't know the answer I've always been nothing more than a collection of pieces of me, though many pieces have been lost, I feel like an incomplete puzzle where you don't know what the picture is supposed to be.

[PSY]

Yes, I believe that you need help. In short, whenever an issue like this begins to affect your life in a negative way, it's time to reach out to others for support. I would recommend talking to your regular doctor ASAP and re-telling your story to him/her. Ask for a referral to a psychological professional who specializes in dissociative disorders.