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_sunsets64. Offline
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Scared to talk to my counselor - December 7th 2011, 08:09 PM

Hi,
I'm not really sure where to put this, so i decided on here, but feel free to move it if you think it belongs somewhere else.

Basically, I've been feeling depressed for the past four-ish years, and I finally got up the courage to go talk to my school's counselor last week and I was supposed to have a follow-up meeting today, but i didn't go (because I was late, because i was scared, and then he wasn't there by the time i got to his office.). every time i walk past his office or even when i'm in class thinking about going to talk to him or any other teacher, i get so scared-- my stomach hurts, i start shaking, (like i can visibly see my hands shaking and my teeth start chattering), and i just like freak out. it takes so much mentally just to walk near his office, never mind actually into it. once i'm there though, i just start talking and crying and it feels so good to let everything out, and then when i'm home, i want to go back to talk more. but when i get to school again, i'm too scared and i don't. I don't even really know what i'm scared of exactly.
Does this happen to anyone else? i don't know what to do, or even what to think anymore. I just need some help.


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Re: Scared to talk to my counselor - December 7th 2011, 08:56 PM

Hey there,

Yes, this happens to me quite often. I freeze up and show many signs of anxiety and stress (I have an anxiety disorder, if you think you might have one [it sounds like you might, since you "don't even really know what" you're "scared of exactly"], consult http://helpguide.org/mental/anxiety_..._treatment.htm). Whenever I try to open up to someone, my heart beats quickly and becomes agitated. I feel panic, even when I know the person is very receptive and loving. For me, this is in part due to my difficulty to trust and in another part due to the excessive amount of thinking I put into worrying (usually unnecessary).

I think it might help to tell a friend about your nervous feelings and request that the friend come with you to go talk to your teacher or counselor (also, make it clear that the escort is just to get you there, after, he or she should leave). The presence of a friend and his or her support may help calm you until you reach the teacher or counselor's office, thereby enabling you to overcome your "freaked out" state. Just today my friend pushed me toward a boy who she knew I felt nervous around. He saw it, saw me, and so we talked for a while. Once we started talking, I didn't feel nervous anymore. The communication initiator, the start of a conversation or step toward it, is often more daunting a task than the actual conversation itself. If you'd rather skip the start of a conversation altogether, you could divulge these fears to your teacher or counselor through an email, and have them make the first move to communicate in person instead of you.

I hope this helps. PM me if you'd like to chat; I'm always up for it. : )


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Re: Scared to talk to my counselor - December 7th 2011, 10:11 PM

When I first started building my friendship with my councilor this did happen to me a few times. Even now when I get a pass to go to his office my heart races. But when you get scared - think about how it feels when you let all of it out and how you feel alot different walking out of his office. Anytime you think about it and it scares you just keep reminding yourself that you will feel better after you leave and that this is what I need to do to help express myself.

I know, its such a great feeling to let it out! But I have been in your position of being nervous and scared before hand - I think its natural.

Best wishes,
Chris


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Re: Scared to talk to my counselor - December 7th 2011, 11:00 PM

Thank you both for your help
Amy, I think you might be right about me having an anxiety disorder--I read that article (which was sooo helpful, thank you!) and it sounds like I might have a general anxiety disorder. I'm not totally sure though, but I want to talk about this to my counselor and see what he thinks.
And that's a good suggestion about having a friend escort me, I've actually thought about it before, but I'm too scared to tell my friends about it. I actually haven't even told anyone that I'm going to see a counselor or anyone but my cousin that I'm depressed. I don't totally know why I'm scared of this, either.
Maybe I'll try emailing him, or just force myself to walk into his office thinking positively.
Thank you both, again, you really helped me a lot just knowing that i'm not the only one who feels like this


"Those 3 words are said too much, but not enough" <3
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Re: Scared to talk to my counselor - December 8th 2011, 06:42 AM

you need to talk to him to get rid of the anxiety. you can do it
   
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Re: Scared to talk to my counselor - December 8th 2011, 09:46 PM

Awhh, you're very welcome. : )

It is a good idea to see what your counselor thinks about you having the disorder, but remember that only a doctor can confirm diagnosis. However, another person's opinion can help you convince someone to let you see a doctor.

Thinking positively is another good way to help you get to his office. Either way you choose, I wish you the best.


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- Oscar Wilde
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there's a lot to go around."
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it's hard to kill."
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Re: Scared to talk to my counselor - December 9th 2011, 02:43 AM

I’ve personally been dealing with an anxiety disorder, and occasional depression, since I was 6 years old, through the years I’ve seen multiple therapists, and I can tell you that what you’re explaining has happened to me almost every time I started with someone new.
I would definitely go back and talk with him again. It probably won’t be easy, just concentrate on taking calming breaths and go in. It may be easier for you to start slow, talk about lighter things first, and build up a relationship so you feel comfortable talking about darker things. It’s not easy to start, but it does get easier, and talking with someone really can help you feel better over time =)
   
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Re: Scared to talk to my counselor - December 9th 2011, 05:22 AM

Consider this - Maybe the reason you are having issues talking to your counsellor is because you may be uncomfortable around him? Have you tried talking to other counsellors? Maybe the one you are speaking to right now isn't right for you.
When I went through depression I went through many different counsellors to find the one I felt most comfortable in confiding in.
   
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Re: Scared to talk to my counselor - December 9th 2011, 07:03 PM

thanks for all your support guys, i really appreciate it
i went to talk to him and i tried just focusing on how good i felt after talking to him the last time and thinking positively and stuff and it really helped. i told him that i think i might have anxiety, but i had trouble explaining it, and i don't think he really understood what I meant--i think i'm a lot better at thinking or writing about my problems than i am actually saying them. i just don't like saying my problems out loud i guess because then they just sound stupid.
and kat--i don't know that it's so much that i'm uncomfortable around him as it is that i'm just uncomfortable talking to people about my problems. It's like amy said where i don't really trust people in general and i worry way too much. and i've only talked to him like twice now, so i'm not totally sure whether i want to switch or not. i'll keep that advice in mind though once i've talked more, so thank you!


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Re: Scared to talk to my counselor - December 13th 2011, 03:25 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by katpanda View Post
Consider this - Maybe the reason you are having issues talking to your counsellor is because you may be uncomfortable around him? Have you tried talking to other counsellors? Maybe the one you are speaking to right now isn't right for you.
When I went through depression I went through many different counsellors to find the one I felt most comfortable in confiding in.
This could be it. Personally, from the sounds of it I don't think it's a counselor/counselee compatibility thing but I could be wrong. To me, the anxiety sounds like it is coming from the opening up/introduction/etc. moment. I will say that the proper counselor fit can make a world of difference if that is in fact the issue.

One thing to remember to help you feel more comfortable in opening up to the counselor: He is legally and ethically bound to keep what you talk about confidential, as long as he does not see you as a danger to yourself or others (i.e. talking about and planning to attack someone, potential suicide attempt, discovery of elder/child/sexual abuse, etc.). Breaking confidentiality is only acceptable in the most dire of circumstances. Confidentiality is held in extremely high regard in the counseling profession, and it is something that we take very seriously.
   
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Re: Scared to talk to my counselor - December 13th 2011, 06:52 PM

Quote:
This could be it. Personally, from the sounds of it I don't think it's a counselor/counselee compatibility thing but I could be wrong. To me, the anxiety sounds like it is coming from the opening up/introduction/etc. moment. I will say that the proper counselor fit can make a world of difference if that is in fact the issue.

One thing to remember to help you feel more comfortable in opening up to the counselor: He is legally and ethically bound to keep what you talk about confidential, as long as he does not see you as a danger to yourself or others (i.e. talking about and planning to attack someone, potential suicide attempt, discovery of elder/child/sexual abuse, etc.). Breaking confidentiality is only acceptable in the most dire of circumstances. Confidentiality is held in extremely high regard in the counseling profession, and it is something that we take very seriously.
i think you're right too, although i think i'd feel more comfortable talking to a woman counselor, but i don't know how to find one. he's the only one at my school and i don't want to tell my mom or anyone else about what i'm going through/that i want to speak to a counselor/therapist, so i guess i just feel like he's the best option for right now. a lot of it is just about being afraid to open up and talk to anyone though.
and thank you, about the confidentiality thing, it made me feel better. although i am still nervous--do the confidentiality rules apply to high school counselors too?
thanks for your thoughts, it really means a lot!


"Those 3 words are said too much, but not enough" <3
"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside while still alive. Never surrender."


PM/VM me if you ever need someone to talk to or just want to chat (:
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Re: Scared to talk to my counselor - December 14th 2011, 12:22 AM

I can't really help, but i can give you some words of encouragement. Yes, it is scary to go into the counselor's office and talk about everything, but it's better to talk than to keep things bottled up. I was scared to go into my counselor's office becuase i was scared of what she would think of me. i suffered minor depression for such a long time that the period of time it lasted would increase. i would cry over thing for a wayyyyy longer period of time than if someone else were to cry about the same thing. because i thought about so many things that weren't true, my self esteem was verrrrrrrrrrry low. It caused me to go into a major depression because i got so scared about how people thought of me. It's never good to keep things bottled up, and worse-- to have time to think about them. Now i'm in a major depression, and looking back, I wish i did talk to my counselor before. So don't be scared! You will regret it like i did!
   
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Re: Scared to talk to my counselor - December 14th 2011, 12:28 AM

casey-- that's what i'm scared of happening. i never was diagnosed with anything because i never told anyone, but i was really depressed a few years ago and thought about killing myself, and now i think i've just been mildly depressed since then, but i'm afraid it's getting worse again because of everything that's happened recently. i told myself i'd never go back to that place, and it's taken me so long to ask for help, but as scared as i am of feeling so badly again, i'm even more terrified of talking about it. i guess i'm just scared of people's reactions, and like what it would mean if i was diagnosed with depression, or what if i wasn't and for some reason i just feel like shit, and then what? and i guess i just feel like i should be able to handle it all on my own, and i shouldn't have to ask for help, but at the same time I should stop trying to suck it up because it's just making things worse :P


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Re: Scared to talk to my counselor - December 14th 2011, 11:26 PM

trust me.. talk to your counselor.. what you're suffering is still minor, but your self esteem is dangerously low. Becuase i was so scared to talk to anyone, things got worse. i started to isolate from my friends and family. i started to forget things. I became very confused about everything. I couldn't focus so my grades dropped. All I wanted to do was stay in my bed and think negative thoughts. I became apathetic; a person with no soul or emotion. I didn't care-- I mean LITERALLY for anything or anyone (if i were to win a million dollars, i wouldn't care. if someone died, i wouldn't have cried). I'm a very attractive person, but with major depression, all i saw was ugliness. I thought that there was no hope, that everything bad wouldn't get better. I had anxiety attacks (the heart pumping rapidly making you collapse.. quite fatal). Major depression is ruining my life.
***I'm taking antidepressents right now. And up to today, i wish i talked to my counselor before hand. So talk to her before you end up like me. You still have a chance not to be like me, but you're on thin ice.
   
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Re: Scared to talk to my counselor - December 15th 2011, 12:13 AM

I'm sorry you're going through all that, and thank you--your post is definitely going to stick with me, i felt just like that a few years ago, and even now sometimes still, but more in waves than just everyday like it used to be. i guess even though i feel like i've improved, i don't realize just how far i still have to go, so thank you for your advice, because you really put things back into perspective for me.

I went to go see my counselor again today (i think i'm just going to go see him every week from now on), and while i haven't told him about me feeling depressed or anything yet, i'm feeling a lot more comfortable talking, and i'm finding it easier to walk into his office. i'm still shaking and my heart's still beating too fast and my stomach hurts and everything, but i'm not walking past his office or turning around anymore, so i think that's a start. i'm gonna try to keep talking about all the stress in my life for now until i really feel comfortable talking about how it's affecting me, but i promise i won't forget what you have to say--i'm so sorry that you had to go through all of this, but i promise that i'll learn from your experience and get help before it becomes too late. i hope that can at least be some sort of solace to you, and i really do hope you feel better soon too!
thank you again.


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"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside while still alive. Never surrender."


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