Communication issues and confusion over my sexuality

[Rjab]

I'm confused about my sexuality and my abilty to communicate with people, and I think it may be do to with a mental condition so this is why I've posted it here.

I know I'm attracted to both men and women, but I don't have a desire to be in an actual romantic relationship with anybody, I'd rather live in a permanent friends with benefits scenario, or just have casual sex. In the same way, sometimes I feel like I would like a social life(but not out of lonliness?) but mostly I'd rather be by myself and have somewhat distant friends for if I'm going to be honest here entertainment purposes.
Even though I can maintain friendships, I don't have a wide circle of friends(nor do I desire one) and I know this sounds awful but I couldn't care less how they're feeling and I have to put on an act of caring about them, even if we're considered to be quite close. I can only really stand most people when I'm wasted, and scoring drugs/getting alcohol is my main reason for socializing.
I don't think I act like a normal person should towards other people, being social for long periods of time tires me out, I need time to recharge. I find it difficult to empathise with people, and when they talk about their emotions to me I either put them off by dealing with it like a problem that needs a solution or get annoyed because they're acting lame. Sometimes I don't think I have the same full range of emotions other people do, for instance if I found out my partner was cheating I wouldn't care or even ask them to stop, although I might try to get back at them in some way(even though I'm not angry at them?). In the same way, I'm prone to cheating because I find monogamy frustrating, because it means being with one person for too long and people are too clingy. I don't think I am capable of loving another person, but I can enjoy their company when I want to and I can be a good partner even if I may fake my emotions for them. It's confusing. I have no problem in arguing with people or talking in a speech but normal conversation I avoid as it is mostly boring which annoys me.
I don't have any ambitions or the drive to do things a normal person would, and most people find me weird if I talk to them. I lie without realising and find it difficult to figure out what memories I have are real and what aren't, my brother lies all the time too, and we both do it for absolutely no reason whatsoever: i.e Someone will ask us where we're going, and even though we're going home we'd say something like we're going to the park without thinking, as if on instinct.
Sometimes I get a moment of feeling that I'm not even a real person, and I have always felt very very different from other people. I suffer from depression occasionally, and have done since I was a very young child, and it's probably worth noting here that both sides of my family and both of my parents have had problems with depression and manic depression. I'm currently living with my parents who aren't the biggest believers in therapy, and I don't want to change the way I am (apart from losing the depression) instead of just understanding the way I am a bit better.
Is there actually something that explains how I am feeling, and could this be why I am confused over my sexuality and feel distant?

[tithe_girl]

Hey there,
There is the possibility that you have something going on that contributes to the symptoms you mentioned. Personally, I wouldn’t feel comfortable trying to diagnose you on a forum, but there are definitely a few conditions that could be possible.
Although you don’t want to change the way you are you might want to consider seeing a professional simply to get a better understanding of what’s going on and why you’re feeling the way your feeling. You could even start with seeing a school counselor and see what they recommend.
The one thing that troubles me though is that you mostly socialize in order to get drugs and alcohol. Considering you may have something going on I’m worried that you may be self-medicating in a way, which never truly ends well. And depending on what kind of drugs you are using they could also be part of the reason you feel the way you do.

Please feel free to PM me if you’d like to talk about any of this and I wish you all the best,
Nicole