Triggering: Unhelpful things to say to someone in your position.

[Celestial.]

I'm sure we've all been in situations where somebody has said something insensitive, rude, or otherwise inappropriate about touchy topics, like eating disorders, self harm, mental illness, or abuse. Since this covers such a wide range of topics, I thought I'd post in here, but if anybody feels differently, feel free to move it.

So, what are some things people have said to you or around you that were completely not helpful? Sometimes it's nice to get this stuff out in the open.

[I'm-moving-on]

Today my mom said "Why don't you kill yourself." I've wanted to.
My brother who caused me to want to cut in the first place now makes jokes about how certain people should just cut themselves and die.
"We should get A......... a shaving kit because she doesn't know how to shave. She always accidentally cuts her legs." Not once has it been an accident.
My girls would never do anything stupid.. in reference to cutting.

[_sunsets64.]

My mom threw my duffel bag at me three different times and told me if I didn't like it here, I should go pack my bags and find somewhere else to live. (actually once it was my sister's bag, she didn't even care enough to check). I wanted to runaway, so this really didn't help.
My mom said that people who commit suicide are thoughtless and selfish. I used to want to kill myself.
My mom also said that my dad 'brought his depression onto himself' and that it was his fault because he didn't have enough self-esteem to make himself feel good and needed everyone else to cheer him up. I've been struggling with depression for almost 4 years.
Obviously, I still haven't told her any of this. Thanks mom.

[Ghost On The Highway]

There are so many heartless people in this world. I'm sure they'll think of plenty of awful things to say to me throughout the course of my life without my help. I couldn't bear my own parents treating me like yours treated you though, that's disgusting.

[Chris.]

The dangerous phrases that makes you even madder:

"Calm down"
"Chill Out"
"Everything will be ok"
"k"
"You were a mistake"
"Go live with your father/mother"

I'm sure there are alot of others too. They make me cringe just thinking about them :x

[Akito]

Like _sunsets64, my mother has encouraged me to leave and go live somewhere else. "Go ahead and go," and that sort of thing. Also like _sunsets64, this was not helpful, as at the time, I had plenty of motivation to do so.

I've also had these unhelpful phrases said to or about me:

"Everything will be alright/okay."
"Your life is so perfect!"
"Go to the police. Who do you think they'd listen to?"
"Why are you upset?"
"You don't have to be rude/get angry."
"Calm down." "Chill out."
"'Kay." "Okay." "Whatever."
"It's her fault that those things happen to her."
"She could do better if she tried."

There's much more, so much more, but I'll stop there.

In addition, I've had a friend break out in laughter after I told her about some problems I was then having. And another friend who had no reaction at all about something that held great significance for me. Not helpful in the slightest.

[Dream]

Being told to calm down repeatedly when I didn't need it in the first place is incredibly annoying. It achieves the opposite of what the person who does it intends.

[Thirteen]

Let's see...

When I tried talking to my mom about my mental health before, and seeing a doctor, her response was [something along the lines of] "Unless you try to kill yourself, I'm not taking you to the doctor to put you on meds and make you a zombie". So, I don't talk to her about my mental health, she knows nothing of it, nor does any of my family.

My dad has commented before about mentally ill people (in negative media, like crimes and criminal drama shows), saying things like "They should just be shot" because they're "too fucked in the head to be part of society", and stuff like that.

I had a therapist imply I was lying, when describing symptoms of Bipolar Disorder I've had.

I can't stand when [at the topic of mental health, if I make a comment about being "crazy"], somebody who DOESN'T UNDERSTAND MY MENTAL HEALTH STATUS says "We're all a bit crazy, LOL". It's rather condescending, and extremely irritating.

[Bubbles37]

My dad always says, "Just get 'er done," especially when I'm having trouble concentrating on homework because of my mental health issues (granted, he has no idea, but it still hurts). I feel like shouting, "It's not that freaking easy! You try being depressed..."

I also hate when people joke about these kind of things (depression, abuse, SH, etc.). I'm sure there are more, but I can't think of specific examples at the moment.

[Le bonheur*]

When people tell me to:
"Get over it"
"It's no big deal"
"It'll pass"
"Just kill yourself, then you'll be free"
"You're faking"
"You have many reasons to be happy"
"Cutting yourself is stupid"
...etc. etc.

[Fairy Poppins]

Originally Posted by Thirteen

I can't stand when [at the topic of mental health, if I make a comment about being "crazy"], somebody who DOESN'T UNDERSTAND MY MENTAL HEALTH STATUS says "We're all a bit crazy, LOL". It's rather condescending, and extremely irritating.

Yes yes, this used to really f**k me off!

There's also the classic "Pull yourself together" line.

What do you think I am, a pair of curtains?!

[Kate*]

There really are too many to list, but the one's that stick out are:
I went to my mom suicidal and having a meltdown and she told me to "Get over it" and that I should be able to handle the situation because she, when she was my age, and my mentally healthy peers did what I was doing and more with no problems.

I told my dad when someone I used to know committed suicide and he said "it's a waste of a life" which in a way is true, but he didn't know that I had been suicidal before so that one hurt.

Any time mental illness/suicide came up in class (which was often with a psychology major) someone had to say something about it being selfish, wrong, crazy, etc. and I would have to bite my tongue to keep from yelling in class

Once in my counseling class, we were covering suicide and I brought up the idea that you might feel guilty as a professional if one of your clients killed him or herself, not because I thought I would, but thinking it might be kind of a natural reaction and this girl cut me off and said "If you're going to feel that way than you shouldn't be a counselor!" which I took huge offense to because I was raising a question and who is she to say what I should or shouldn't do. The small group discussion continued into the fact that suicide is selfish, wrong, etc. and also talking negatively about people who contemplate it and I wanted to run out of there and had to keep from crying/going off on them because of course they had no idea that they were talking about ME, at least in terms of contemplating it, and my family members and I sure as hell wasn't going to point it out to them.

[Hallelujah]

Originally Posted by Thirteen

I can't stand when [at the topic of mental health, if I make a comment about being "crazy"], somebody who DOESN'T UNDERSTAND MY MENTAL HEALTH STATUS says "We're all a bit crazy, LOL". It's rather condescending, and extremely irritating.

OMG YES. This, this, this.

My mum once joked about it "being safe to buy razors again" and made a big deal about stocking back up on painkillers, now that it was Ok to have me around them -.-

But for me....THE WORST....has got to be that tiny little question when you're really, trying so hard to hold it together.....

"Are you alright?"

Man. The number of times that's ruined my carefully assembled mask of composure.....

[Imagine849]

I totally agree with you Joanna! The 'are you alright?' question is the worst!

[Revolution]

"Take a chill pill." Yeah, want me to take 100? Fuck off.
Sorry, excuse my language. No better way to describe it.
Also "You don't have to harm yourself." Nope. No gun to my head. I want to. So I have to.

[Akito]

Oh, yes. I agree completely; those phrases are extremely aggravating. ^

[Cabron]

It's not really a phrase, but my dad finds it appropriate to take kitchen knives away from me when I'm cooking. My grandma handed me a carrot to chop up and he's like 'I don't think so!' Like, yes, I'm definitely going to start carving up my arms right here. Jesus.

[Iris. ♥]

"Instead of slitting your wrists, do it right and slit your throat." Yeah . . that one wasn't said directly to me. It was more of a general statement on FB. But, it still hurt.

"God, don't have a brain hemorrhage." I forget what I was stressing about, but my best friend said that to me. My dad had a brain hemorrhage about a month before that.

"It's only gonna get worse from here." My cousin said that one to me. I know it's true, but that's not exactly what you want to hear when you're in the middle of a break-down.

[Total Light Storm]

Well, let's see, I have a few:
"Why don't you go kill yourself?"
"You are so stupid." (in reference to SH)
"You better not cut again or I'll hit you."
"Suck it up."
"How can you hate your life so much? You have such a good life." (said by someone that doesn't realize there own actions and how they affect others)
"I am going to go hurt myself." (said by someone who knows I self harm)
"The world would be better if you weren't in it."
I also hate it when adults that are a lot older are like "When I was your age I was doing (then they proceed to list all of the work they did on there family's farm and other tasks)
I also hate it when people tell other people to "grow up" and "if you can't handle things now, how are you going to handle them in the real world?" What the heck? This is the real world to me right now, its my life...if that's not the "real world" than what is?
I hate when kids in school joke about SH or pick on people that SH, really annoys me.

[_sunsets64.]

I also hate it when adults that are a lot older are like "When I was your age I was doing (then they proceed to list all of the work they did on there family's farm and other tasks)
I'm sorry this is a different generation of people, that we have a whole freaking lot more to deal with mentally and emotionally than people back in that time did and that I have issues from a past that the person in question never had and that I am unable to just take everything that coems at me in life and say "yeah, it's cool, I'm ok, I'm fine, yeah, I tototally can go onto tomorrow without messing up."

^^ I HATE that!! urghhasjldh it makes me so mad.

"i wish i had a gun right now so i could kill you."
"i wish i had a knife so i could stab you, except that you're not worth wasting the rest of my life in jail."
"[someone else]'s life makes yours look like disneyland"
"you are so unappreciative and ungrateful"
"i look at you and i just see this cold, callous person."
"nobody cares about you."
"you can't live [in my town] if you don't have money" / "everyone in [my town] is rich" ... my family's completely broke.
"when you're older, one day you'll understand"

[_sunsets64.]

^^ oh, also, "you're destroying this family" and "listen to him, he has a point" regarding the fact that i'm destroying my family. not that my dad's an alcoholic and caused my family to go bankrupt-- apparently my attitude has destroyed my family.

[Dez]

"You're doing it for attention." In reference to my SH.
"You have no reason to cut yourself."
"Why didn't you tell me?" In reference to me not coming to my friend when I was triggered.
The school psychologist in my middle school made me shake my hand and, I don't remember how she phrased it, but she pretty much made me promise not to kill myself over the weekend, just because I was having suicidal THOUGHTS. Not actions, THOUGHTS.