Triggering (Suicide): Overwhelmed by it all.

[kyliegurl]

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder four years ago. For the first time since starting meds I have fallen into really bad depression. It is to the point that everyone is concerned about me. The first thing that my psychiatrist tried was raising the dosage of three of my meds, then she started me on two more. Today she started me on an antidepressant. It all seems like too much medication to me and no one will listen to me about it, they all seem to know me more than I know myself. I am scared about the antidepressant because it can make me manic so I have to keep detailed 'mood charts'.

I know I can't keep going on the way I feel. I have cut off contact with almost everyone and stay in my room by myself. I don't even talk to my friends online any more. I am really overwhelmed by the hopeless and confused/frustration feelings. I get angry a lot, which only gets me into more trouble. I have had really bad thoughts of hurting myself, mainly cutting but also suicide. My school work is also suffering really badly, and my dad just doesn't know how to deal with me any more. I feel like there is no way out of these feelings.

[Hide and Seek]

I want to start off this post by saying: everything will be okay. You just have to believe that; I know it will be, I have faith that things will turn out alright for everyone in the end.
Secondly, what you're going through sounds so tough. I know that at the moment it may seem like there is no way out of your feelings, but they will eventually subside with the medication and with time. In the meantime, maybe try talking to a very close friend about the depression. Although you may think that nobody will understand, a friend will at least be able to boost your feelings and provide you with the support that you need. It's great that you reached out to TeenHelp, and I hope things get brighter for you. But for now, don't be afraid to vent as much as you possibly need to- find a person who you know will listen (even if it's someone on this website. I'm here for you! ) and just remember that there are so many people in your life that do truly care about you and want as much as you do that you feel better. Try some relaxation tips: breathing deeply (through your nose), drawing figure 8's on your hands, writing down your feelings and writing down positive thoughts about yourself as well. You'll get through this. I hope I was at least somewhat helpful, and please feel free to private message me if you need anything else. Hugs