Question About Manipulation

[OMFG!You'reActuallySmart!]

I've been having some issues and question about manipulating people. I believe everyone does this, myself included, although I do also use it in ways that many disprove of, particularly for my financial benefit while the others are left in the dirt. I've manipulated people for other reasons as well, such as getting information, something else I desired, or girlfriends because I'll admit I often cheated. I acknowledge I intentionally do this, however, I've been accused of manipulating people when I am not intentionally doing so or don't think I am. This isn't something recent but it's been building up and I've started to get more frustrated about it. I rarely worry about anything, so I don't take most things seriously, so I figured perhaps my view of it differs and that's why I don't recognize it whereas others do, so...

1) What is manipulation to you?
2) Do you approve of manipulation for any purpose?
3) When can manipulation be good and when can it be bad?

And for the important one, have you ever been accused of manipulating someone even when you were unaware?

Lastly, do not bother suggesting I, "see a doctor" for this, as I already did, well before I was 18, got my fancy diagnosis, did some therapy but then dropped out. Later on, I was somewhat forced back after 18, re-evaluated, did psychological testing (i.e. MMPI-2), although I stayed in therapy longer I eventually dropped out. I found the therapy to be rather useless and often became confusing.

[Thirteen]

Well, first off, to answer your questions:

1) I believe manipulation is when you act a certain way, as to convince somebody to do something/believe something/say something/buy something, basically anything that involves gain by the power of suggestion, so to put it.

2) The only real reason I can see manipulation being 100% justified is if, in reality, it's for the person's best interests.

3) Manipulation can be bad when it comes to things like [no offense to you, Nick] your cheating scenario. However, manipulation can be a good thing, like convincing somebody to see a doctor by exaggerating a small health condition could be seen as a good thing.

Lastly...

Well the problem is, I have Borderline Personality Disorder, which kind of makes me unintentionally manipulative. I've been accused of being manipulative, even when I haven't seen myself as being such.

Does this help any?

[Jaguar]

Julz definition is good. I would add that there's always an element of dishonesty about manipulation. Talking someone into something is one thing, but when it involves holding out to someone something they want for something you want, and then they don't get it, that's manipulation.

[OMFG!You'reActuallySmart!]

Originally Posted by Thirteen

Well the problem is, I have Borderline Personality Disorder, which kind of makes me unintentionally manipulative. I've been accused of being manipulative, even when I haven't seen myself as being such.

I don't have borderline personality disorder, although it is interesting you are sometimes accused of being unintentionally manipulative, which begs the question, are there times when you intentionally are manipulative? Also, how do you react when accused of being manipulative when you're unaware you were?

Originally Posted by Jaguar

Julz definition is good. I would add that there's always an element of dishonesty about manipulation. Talking someone into something is one thing, but when it involves holding out to someone something they want for something you want, and then they don't get it, that's manipulation.

I've been pondering over your point in that dishonesty is always an element of manipulation and it's made me wonder whether I truly am lying to someone about something or if I'm being truthful but they suspect otherwise. I'm also curious, do you think there are times when manipulation can be viewed as good or is it always bad? Also, what would you call talking someone into doing something that ultimately benefited you but not them, without holding out on them? Is that manipulation or something else?

[Thirteen]

Originally Posted by The Man And XX Master

I don't have borderline personality disorder, although it is interesting you are sometimes accused of being unintentionally manipulative, which begs the question, are there times when you intentionally are manipulative? Also, how do you react when accused of being manipulative when you're unaware you were?

First answer, everybody has been manipulative at some point in their life, even if with something small. Even something like sweetly asking for something, knowing you'll have better luck getting that item, is manipulation really.
But, I've never manipulated anybody intentionally for something big, you know?

Second answer, I get really upset. I'll either get angry and extremely defensive, or I'll cry and feel like I should be killed off. It's complicated.