Something is wrong with me.

[Madoka]

This might not make some sense but I want to get this out there.

For the past hour I have been sitting in my room crying because, well mulitiple things. I have a fear of germs and it's mould I guess. I've never been diagnosed or anything, but I can't touch people or object my mind thinks is dirty. This leads to a horrible day in and day out expirence especially in college. My main trigger is feet and my roommate puts her feet on my chair or my bed because, well I guess it is natural for her. The bed is not too bad after half a bottle or Lysol and germ ex, but I have not sat in my chair in 4 months ause after a while I just got sick of cleaning it time after time. Just things like if my backpack touches the ground and then I put it on my back I'll get this panic feeling like I can't breath. But this happens all the time. If someone touches me I won't feel clean until I've gone and wiped them off. This is eapically hard because it's come to the point were I can't hug anyone, not even my parents. I haven't hugged anyone in atleast 2 years. And that just makes me feel lonely. And I have no one to talk to because honestly I have no friends. I text no one, I call no one. The only people I ever text or call is my parents. It just makes me feel lonely and depressed, like things will never change and I'll end up alone amd friendless forever.

Sorry If this does not make sense. It's 3 am and typing on my phone. I am just sick of having noone to talk to.

[αγάπη]

It seems to make sense to me.

It almost sounds like OCD to me. Could you see a doctor about it? I'm sure they have things that they could do that would help you get over this fear.
My brother has almost the same thing, and this is what we're probably gonna do for him.

Also, you aren't going to be lonely all your life. I think once you get the germ issue addressed, it will be easier for you to be more open and friendly with people. Reach out, talk to new people.

Good luck, you can PM me any time.

[minniemouseprincess]

Im sorry babe=( I think its what the above poster said, OCD. A lot of people have OCD but different forms of it. I have it too but mine has to do with anxiety in general. Yours seems to be about anxiety centered around germs and stuff. I'd say get your parents to take you to a therapist because they can help you find ways to help you with these things. And you are not going to be friendless forever. Nobody goes through their whole life without any friends dude=) You WILL make friends. Making friends can be hard and takes some time, thats all. If you ever wanna talk about anything, you can talk to me=)

[Daniela95]

I used to be afraid of germs also, but not to the same extent as you. eventually it went away my OCD. You should maybe look into seeing a professional, because there is defiantly an issue.