Female Advice Preferred: i am extremely shy around any guys

[makeupshadow]

im 15, and i had a terrible experience with dental work when i was lil and my dentist was a guy...and ever since its just never been the same. sure i have been in love with one guy b4 but other than that i have never really liked a guy b4. i just have so much anxiety ovr it its not like its as bad as it was when i was 9 but somedays especially older guys like teachers and stuff when they come up to talk to me about something ill be so guarded ill just wanna hide cuz i can be just terrified. i dont toatally like it. my mom is nice about it but i dont think she really gets how traumatized i am ovr what happened. shes like "oh its fine and all" and im just silent about it. ive tried to talk to her about it but it just doesnt work out too well. its made stronger as a person but just made it to where i can barely talk to ppl inless if they r chicks usually. and i already had phobias about guys when i was lil so when that happened i was blown ovr board. top all that off i was already quite shy too. so its not like its taking ovr my life but it is some. i would like to be able to be social like i wud like to around guys and actullay have guy friends but...idk advice? is anyone here like this too? (by the way plz try not to ask what happened i really dont not like to talk about it)

[MY NAME IS ERIN]

WELL, IT'S NORMAL TO BE A LITTLE SHY AROUND THE OPPOSITE SEX. MY ADVICE IS TO START SMALL. START SAYING HI TO GUYS WHO LIVE IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD OR GUYS IN YOUR FAMILY. THEN ONCE YOU THINK YOU'RE READY, TRY TALKING TO GUYS IN YOUR SCHOOL. IT GETS EASIER WITH PRACTICE AND TIME. THIS MAY JUST BE A PHASE YOU'RE GOING THROUGH SO KEEP AN OPEN MIND.

GOOD LUCK!!

[Verità]

Hi there,

First off, I'm really sorry you're having such a tough time. It sounds to me like what you're experiencing is more along the lines of a phobia, so I'm going to move this to mental health, but I'll offer some advice first.

Whether you believe this or not, a lot of people suffer from having anxiety and phobias surrounding interactions with the opposite sex. If you really think about it, we're a lot more comfortable with our own gender because it tends to be more relatable, I find. I don't think I have a phobia, but I definitely get really uncomfortable around men and prefer female company over male company at any time.

Just know this: You will not experience change overnight. You were clearly traumatized by what happened with the dentist, and recovery will probably be long and painful at times. You need to start with some baby steps. How are you around male family members? You can start by making small conversation at family functions with other women in the room. Over time, work up to being able to talk to them by yourself. From there, you might be able to move on to similar situations with friends of friends, and eventually, complete strangers. And as for the conversation, start small, with just a one-sentence comment about something they say. Work up from there depending on your comfort level.

Also, I know you said you weren't comfortable discussing it, but I really think you should see a therapist about this. The reality is that there are men in the world, and through work, school, etc, you're going to have to interact with them. I know it's scary and intimidating, but it's harder to make progress when the original trauma is still eating away at you. It will be hard, but bringing it out into the open with a therapist will do you wonders.

I hope things go well for you,
~Alice