Triggering (SH): Is there some kind of disorder to describe a person that... cares to much?

~HeartBreakCupCake

Well, first off, I'm a complete animal lover. I cry when goldfish die, and I have an eight year old cat that if she died right now, I would probably commit suicide. If I say something as a joke to someone at school, they'll start talking about dead cats and animal abuse to make me cry. It works. Also, I'm a vegetarian. I have nightmares about eating hotdogs and hamburgers, and the thought of eating one now makes me want to puke. I have a lot of stuffed animals and old dolls and toys and even old Monster cans because I feel like if I throw them away I'll hurt their feelings and it'll make them upset (I feel like a lunatic saying that) and my mom thinks I'm a hoarder now. She makes me watch Hoarders on tv "so i can see what my house will look like one say."

I have a little sister that I completely love to bits. When she does something wrong and gets yelled at, I'll either cut, or ---Please don't think I'm crazy for this next sentence--- I'll go in my room and hit myself in the face or punch myself in the cheek. Sometimes, I give myself black eyes or bloody noses. I feel crazy when I look in the mirror and see what I've done, but I need an immediate release of all my... emotions.

I've tried suicide before, but it didn't work and when I think about the fact that i even tried, it brings tears to my eyes because I think what life would be like for my little cat and dog without me. Or who would hold my snake and keep him tame? Or who would sleep in my bed so he doesn't feel useless?

It just seems like I care so much about everything, even things that most people would just throw away. I know they aren't alive, I am a Christian, I don't believe inanimate objects are Gods or anything like that, I don't know why I get so attatched. How I am, I'll cry if anything gets hurt except myself. Is something wrong with me?

OMFG!You'reActuallySmart!

By no means can we diagnose online, it won't be as accurate compared to in-person diagnoses and we're not licensed professionals, however, we can suggest possible disorders you may have. I'm toying with a few disorders and differential diagnoses but even for online, I would like more information. There's nothing wrong with caring, however, your described behaviour has a pattern of self-harm, depression and suicidal attempts. When you are unable to throw something away because you empathize with the object, can you describe the feeling you get in more detail? Also, if your sister gets yelled at and your harm yourself or you cannot throw an object away, how long do these feelings last (approximately)? I assume you were hospitalized after your suicide attempt, so were you diagnosed with anything and how long was your stay? When did these behaviours start and were they after a severe traumatic event?

Being vegan and refusing to eat meat I think are unrelated from the rest of your behaviours.

Dr.Bobby

Hi Cassidy Marie!

Being sensitive and aware of the needs or feelings of others is a gift, it's a really nice quality to have. However, you can take it to extremes, so instead of using the recognition of emotions and needs to better appreciate and understand others, their emotional needs become burdensome, and it stresses you out. Maybe this is whats going on.

I'm a bit concerned about your self punishment, too...punching yourself in the face, etc., isn't a good thing, and it;s not the best way of releasing emotion. Your mom is aware of the hoarding' stuff, is she aware of this, too? It;s probably a good idea to let her know, you guys might want to work on other ways of dealing with those feelings at those times so you don't have to resort to hurting yourself.

~HeartBreakCupCake

When I can't throw something away, I feel like if I leave it there, I've killed it, even though it isn't alive. I've abandoned it to die in isolation. When my sister gets yelled at or I can't throw something away, I'll usually forget about it after I go to bed, but remember it when I see the marks I left and feel sad again. I don't know how long I'd feel bad about it if I didn't see those marks all the time. And after my suicide attempt, I wasn't hospitalized because I've never been good with pills, I can't handle the taste. After the 21st pill I guess the taste got to me and caused me to throw them all up all over the bathroom, but I cleaned it up before anyone else knew. I think these behaviours started after the day that my stepdad found out what I wrote about my grandfather raping me in my diary this last summer, and he came and picked me up from my aunt's house and yelled at me for hours because he didn't believe me, and anyone that was around that did believe me didn't protect me from his yelling. He called me a slut and a bitch and a liar and other things, but the thing that I remember the second most (second to liar) is he told my mom he'd always hate me for it. After that I started cutting myself when I was upset because I didn't think my parents would care, and my step dad didn't. Then when he yelled at my sister, I'd remember how bad it felt when he yelled at me, even if he was yelling at her for something that had nothing to do with anything like that, and I'd cry because I didn't know if she felt that bad. Or when I threw something away, I felt like I've abandoned it, and it will hate me forever in garbage heaven.

And my mom has seen my cuts before, but she doesn't know about me hurting myself in other waysm and I've never told her why I'd cut myself. She never seemed that interested to know.She isn't really the type of mom that will sit down and listen to my problems.

lauri

sound slike ocd hoarding but im not diagnosing you thats just what I think. Get checked out by a therapist if you want to know.

cassidey Im a HUGE ANIMAL LOVER TOOO. I cry very heavily when my pet dies I get depression when my pets die I got ptsd from one of my pets death . I deeply care about my pets that I call them my kids. I deeply care about people tooo thats why Ill be a therapist one day. Most people dont understand pet loss and its sad so I get fun of but good to know theres others out there like me.

I think you do this hoarding to control because its something you can control and keep you could not control the rape so you feel out of control because you were raped. To feel like your in control you hoard hang on to stuff so you feel you have control over something. YOU NEED TO TELL THE POLICE AND YOUR MOM AND DAD HE RAPED YOU. YOU NEED TO TELL THE POLICE HE RAPED YOU WHAT HE DID WAS NOT RIGHT IT WAS WRONG IT WAS A CRIMEEEEEEEEE IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. STAY AWAY FROM HIM.

YOU ALSO NEED TO FIND A THERAPIST SO YOU CAN START HEALING FROM THE RAPE THAT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT BUT YOU NEED TO WORK THROUGH IT. By hoarding your doing that to feel like your in control because you didnt have control when he raped you. Also you probably hoard to keep it all shub down the memories of it which is not good eith ewhat your doing is puting a band aide on it but thats not going to help for long as you can seee. So that is why you MUST GO TO THERAPY AND PILLLS YOU CAN SWALLOW WHOLE SO THEY DONT TATSE BAD.

Im sorry you were rapped }: was NOT your fault.

JKmadu619

See though, some of these feelings are natural. It sounds like you empathize heavily with living things. Animals, your pets, your sister... Fear over the loss of things you love is common, it's human.

However with objects it's growing into unusual territory. Keeping a few childhood objects is normal, we all keep old things of ours to remind us of when we were younger. My dad has kept a table that he had when he was only three, it sits in my room as an end table to this day. My mom has kept several trinkets as well. Keep them as reminders but once you start to empathize with items it's a fine line between nostaligia and hoarding.

However your behaviour really gets derailed once you mentioned your behaviours of self-destruction. Self-harm, suicide and depression aren't "normal" and they aren't "right".

You may very well just be a sensitive person suffering from depression, but it's hard to diagnose online. In any event you should seek professional help, even if it's just for the depression.

- Justin

PSY

There's a lot going on here, and while I can't diagnose you, I suspect a lot of these behaviors and emotions may be connected to the rape and your unhealthy relationship with your stepfather. If those issues remain unresolved, then you may find it difficult to stop hurting yourself, or to develop healthier ways of handling your emotions with people/animals/objects. I strongly, strongly urge you to seek help from a psychological professional in order to address the core issues underlying these behaviors and emotions. You can talk to your regular doctor and receive a referral, or look someone up in the phone directory/online and contact them. If there is an adult you can trust, it may be easier to set up an appointment with their assistance or support (ex. they could drive you to the appointment and stay in the waiting room).