ED

[Heartlines]

Hi, I've been supporting a friend for months now with both Bulimia and Anorexia. She has made huge progress.. But in the last two weeks has grown tired of me. She tells me I go on about it too much and that she is trying to do something. (Although I can't blame her for saying that.. I'm a horrible person a lot of the time.)

The only problem is, in these two weeks.. she's gone backwards. She's started purging again.. She used to turn to me with all her problems. But now she barely speaks to me atall despite having more problems than ever.
She does not want to seek professional help because of bad experiences with a past counselor. She picked me over a professional. But everyone said i'm becoming obsessed with her. I don't know what to do.. Someone else warned me this would happen and it's my fault for not listening.

What makes it worse, is in March she moved 300 miles away.. So now we only talk by text and Skype.

[Harlequin.]

Hey there,

First of all, I want to say how great it is to see someone like you, who really cares for their friend. A lot of the time, friends don't know how to deal with eating disorders, and so back off, and leave the sufferer feeling isolated, which only worsens the problem.

What I am going to say is that your friend really does need professional help. That's not because I don't think you're capable, or whatever- you've done brilliant. Eating disorders are incredibly difficult to recover from, even more so without professional help. She needs medical monitoring, as eating disorders wreck havoc with your body, and even kill you. She really needs a physical check up.

The second reason I'd recommend professional help is that it isn't fair on you. Yes, you may have chosen to help her, but you aren't and shouldn't feel responsible for her actions. It's an incredible amount of stress to put on one person.

If she has started pushing you away the past couple of weeks, and also appears to have deteriorated, they're probably linked. The eating disorder is trying to isolate her, because it's easy to get a grasp on her if she doesn't have any help or support. However, don't push her to talk to you. Let her know you're there for her, and remind her why she's recovering.

Good luck, and we're here if you ever need anything too, yeah?

[Heartlines]

She'll be fine with the help she has already.

I've apologized. Told her what she needs to do. Told her sister what she needs to get her to do and blocked them.

It's whats best believe me, I just can't handle it. I'm sorry for her sake and for everyone's elses and I wish her all the best.
I'm also sorry I showed everyone on this forum i'm pathetic.

Jamie.

[gymnastxxLeah]

Hey.

It sounds like you're being pretty hard on yourself, and I'm sorry it feels that way...

THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT! You didn't do anything wrong! You tried to help her, and that's a brave, admirable thing to do. It's a hard job! It,s UNBELIEVABLY HARD to tell someone you love (I'm guessing you're really close friends) how amazing they are when all they wanna hear is insults. It's so hard to do this kinda thing! SO HARD! You can't blame yourself for trying.

she IS SICK! What she's saying and doing... It's not her, it's her disease. It's not her! She needs professional help. You can't be responsible for this kinda thing. You've never experienced it, you've never been trained to help it... You really couldn't treat it...

Right now, the best thing for you to do for her is to be there for her. Be her friend. Tell her that she's beautiful, no matter how much she doesn't want to hear it. Be there for her. She needs to get help, but she needs support from family and friends.

you're not pathetic. What you're doing... What you did... Right now you're the strongest person I can think of. You are AMAZING! You're a good friend, and you got in the path of an eating disorder. It's like a tornado. It will destroy EVERYTHING! You tried to help!

you can't handle it... That's FINE! Honestly, can any of us handle it? Course not. Half of the therapists out there can't handle it! It's one of the hardest things to treat! It's really, really hard on everyone. I guess something you should know is : you did More than most people would. You just... You can't be superman. You can't fix everything. And that's OKAY!

[Heartlines]

OK. We took a break. and now we're back to being best friends and she's back on the road to recovery.. It seems we get stronger everytime.