TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
GalacticLullaby Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
GalacticLullaby's Avatar
 
Name: Kirsten
Age: 20
Gender: Bigender

Posts: 22
Join Date: March 18th 2013

Boyfriend Always On My Back - March 19th 2013, 10:38 PM

I think my boyfriend is more obsessed about my weight than I am.
He's always bugging me to eat more, blah blah blah.
The thing is, I don't even know if I have an eating disorder.
Yeah, so what, I count calories, restrict my intake all of the time, exercise when I feel guilty about eating (which is most of the time), rejoice when the numbers on the scale shrink.
It doesn't mean I have an ED, right?
I can only keep reassuring him so long. :/


*~GalacticLullaby~*
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Guile Offline
Head Jimmie Rustler
I've been here a while
********
 
Guile's Avatar
 
Name: Guile
Gender: Male
Location: United States

Posts: 1,616
Join Date: January 24th 2010

Re: Boyfriend Always On My Back - March 19th 2013, 11:43 PM

As long as you're not emaciating yourself, staying thin is good. It reduces your risk of medical complications and increases your life span. Hell, I count calories just because I want to make sure I'm not accidentally over-eating. I weigh myself every week to see if I need to cut back some, or get to the gym more.

Maybe you should talk to your boyfriend about why it bothers him so much that you care about your weight?


Space Flight Awards

Geosynchronous Orbit (Kerbin)
Manned Capsule and return (Kerbin)
Space Station and Docking (Kerbin)
Equatorial/Polar Probe (Mun)
Landing Resulting in the Loss of a Kerbanaut (Mun)
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
GalacticLullaby Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
GalacticLullaby's Avatar
 
Name: Kirsten
Age: 20
Gender: Bigender

Posts: 22
Join Date: March 18th 2013

Re: Boyfriend Always On My Back - March 20th 2013, 12:17 AM

I think it's because I'm already underweight. And my goals are kind of... unrealistic.


*~GalacticLullaby~*
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Guile Offline
Head Jimmie Rustler
I've been here a while
********
 
Guile's Avatar
 
Name: Guile
Gender: Male
Location: United States

Posts: 1,616
Join Date: January 24th 2010

Re: Boyfriend Always On My Back - March 20th 2013, 12:24 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by GalacticLullaby View Post
I think it's because I'm already underweight. And my goals are kind of... unrealistic.
As long as you're not causing harm to yourself your own body goal is a personal choice. If your goals are harmful then he does have cause to be concerned, but maybe you should look at some BMI and body fat charts together and decide what's a safe goal. Skinny isn't a bad thing, it's only bad when you make dangerous an unhealthy choices in the process I getting there, or if you go too far with it.


Space Flight Awards

Geosynchronous Orbit (Kerbin)
Manned Capsule and return (Kerbin)
Space Station and Docking (Kerbin)
Equatorial/Polar Probe (Mun)
Landing Resulting in the Loss of a Kerbanaut (Mun)
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
SparklingWine Offline
Normality, my friends.
Jeez, get a life!
***********
 
SparklingWine's Avatar
 
Name: Lynds :)
Age: 27
Gender: Grill ;)
Location: Seattle

Posts: 7,232
Blog Entries: 197
Join Date: February 19th 2009

Re: Boyfriend Always On My Back - March 20th 2013, 01:17 AM

I understand where the poster above me is coming from, but the absolute safest way to know what a healthy weight for you is to consult your doctor. Because having an ED mindset doesn't always make for the safest conclusions. Your goal weight+restrictive eating+looking up healthy weights/BMI's on your own= Triggering/disastrous/non- productive/etc. Another thing is, while being over weight is unhealthy, thin/skinny should never be your absolute goal. Health should be your goal. The best way to determine what's healthy for you personally is to see your doctor. They can help guide you in a healthy way.

But aside from that, I want to talk about your behaviour. First, know that I can't diagnose you with anything, nor can anyone else. No one here has the extensive medical training (that we can at least verify). But all that you mentioned- rejoicing when numbers on the scale goes down, counting calories, not eating purposefully to get thinner, exercise when you feel guilty for eating, etc is classic symptoms of a potential issue here. Your boyfriend has the right to feel the way that he does. He is concerned and cares for you because what you're doing is not healthy. Sure, watching your calorie intake or exercising is all healthy. Sure. It's when you take it to extreme levels, it's the mindset that drives the behaviour, it's your emotions that come with it that's unhealthy. And it sounds like you're not at a healthy mindset. And that's problematic. Guile is right- it's a problem when you have to make unhealthy dangerous choices to get there.

You mention being underweight. That would indicate you are making unhealthy choices. And you KNOW that your goals aren't realistic. That's the logical side of you. And that's the side you want to listen to. I know that none of what we are saying is magically going to fix your issues, or convince you otherwise. I know this because I've been there. I'm as stubborn as they come (ask Laura). I know the game. I understand the goals. And everything that could possibly be in between. You, my dear, are not alone.

Talk to someone. Get help. Try and understand that this ED will kill you. Learn to love yourself. Because you're going to be with yourself the rest of your life. K? Hang in there<3


  Send a message via AIM to SparklingWine Send a message via MSN to SparklingWine  
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Wonder cake
Average Joe
***
 
OxyContin_For_Tizzles's Avatar
 
Gender: Female
Location: Australia

Posts: 191
Blog Entries: 1
Join Date: December 2nd 2012

Re: Boyfriend Always On My Back - March 20th 2013, 08:12 AM

Hey,
Yeah, I know how you feel. I'm pretty lean compared to most of the people in my grade and I had a friend who every time I offered some of my lunch to him he would refuse to eat it, complaining that I needed to eat more because I didn't appear the 'normal' weight. It took ages for me to be able to convince him that I was a healthy weight and didn't have any type of eating disorder. The best way to keep your boyfriend off your back, and to ensure that you are making healthy decisions, is to consult a doctor as City Lights suggested. Just remember that having an ED can't be fixed by just simply increasing your food intake, it is a serious issue that needs to be diagnosed and addressed immediately. It's your choice but after reading your mindset towards food and exercise, I would highly recommend that you see a doctor.


I could dwell on my problems... But I'd rather make a milkshake...
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
Coffee. Offline
Condom Queen
TeenHelp Addict
************
 
Coffee.'s Avatar
 
Name: Traci
Age: 26
Gender: she/her/hers
Location: North Carolina

Posts: 8,147
Blog Entries: 639
Join Date: October 29th 2009

Re: Boyfriend Always On My Back - March 21st 2013, 01:29 AM

Hey Kirsten,

I disagree with Guile on a couple of things: first, BMI charts are not accurate for a large range of individuals so I would not base your weight loss or weight gain goals on those charts. My mother was diagnosed with an eating disorder and was told she was underweight by a doctor when her BMI said that she was on the high range of regular/borderline overweight. So...it really varies. Some people have a much higher bone density along with being muscular; many weightlifters are seen as overweight by BMI scales. I also don't agree with the phrase "skinny is not a bad thing." No, skinny is not a bad thing, but this is also implying that it is a good thing, and it is not. Skinny is a trait. It is like having red hair, or having a certain color of skin. It should not have emotional implications. Sure, you don't want to be overweight for health reasons, but you also don't want to be underweight. Aiming to be a healthy weight, whether or not you are "skinny", "curvy" or whatever is what you should aim for.

Now, how should you find out what is a healthy weight/body fat percentage for you? A doctor. Your boyfriend is not a doctor, nor is Guile, Lynds, Tiz, or I. I'd recommend you speak to a doctor, nutritionist or dietitian. If you cannot afford one, maybe see if you can stop by a local clinic, the school nurse, etc, but get a medical opinion. There are lots of weight loss websites that would LOVE to tell you that you need to lose weight, since it would sell their products. There are also many people out there that would love to tell you that you need to lose weight, gain weight, blah blah blah because you are not meeting their expectations. That's not important. Health and well-being is important, so you need to talk to somebody that can help you.

Good luck, we're all here for you.


I said to the sun, "Tell me about the big bang"
& the sun said “it hurts to become."
Andrea Gibson, "I Sing The Body Electric; Especially When My Power Is Out"
  Send a message via MSN to Coffee.  
2 user(s) liked this post or found it helpful.
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
back, boyfriend

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright ©1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.