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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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nixi noo Offline
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Name: Nicole
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Trying to make things better... - April 28th 2013, 05:02 PM

I wish I could see what everyone else seems to see when they look at me. They tell me I'm pretty and beautiful and skinny but all I see is ugly and fat. I've recently started tryin to limit what I eat or make myself throw up when I do eat.

The last time I did these things my mom found out and sent me to a psychologist but she eventually said that there was "nothing more she could do". I guess for a while after that I stopped but now I'm at varsity away from home and I know that nobody could stop me. Except my boyfriend... he found out and now he wants me to stop. I want to stop too, I guess... but it is so hard and I don't feel like I'm strong enough to try and control the emotions I'm feeling and the constant thoughts that I don't have to let myself be fat. It's driving me crazy!

I can see that its also started to really bother him and that makes me sad and disapponted in myself for letting my actions hurt someone who has been nothing but caring towards me. I need to make things better, for myself and for him.. I just need to find the strength to start somewhere...
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justdatdude Offline
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Re: Trying to make things better... - April 29th 2013, 12:35 PM

Maybe you are really beautiful and skinny?

You know, LIFE isn't all about, How your body is shaped and how big your breasts are.

If a person judges you, for who you are? then that person is an asshole, and probably don't want to be around them anyway.

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Coffee. Offline
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Re: Trying to make things better... - May 11th 2013, 09:19 PM

Hey Nicole,

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. Reminder, contrary to what your boyfriend or other loved ones may think, you are not weak by not being able to "just stop." Most people cannot just decide one day to stop. Eating disorders do not come out of one particular concious decision to "stop eating" but rather from a long time of pressure and self-esteem issues, and very often, loved-ones do not understand that. Do not blame them, since they just don't know better, but do not hold yourself to their standards of being able to recover in a snap.

I'd recommend asking to see the psychologist again and really making recovery you're #1 priority. Your life is important. You are important. Your health is important. You need to know that you are worth it. The people that matter will support you, even if they may not always understand. Reach out to them, let them know how you're feeling, and remember that even if their comments may be uneducated, you're not in this alone.

Good luck.

I said to the sun, "Tell me about the big bang"
& the sun said “it hurts to become."
Andrea Gibson, "I Sing The Body Electric; Especially When My Power Is Out"
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