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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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Unhappy Am I becoming crazy ? - June 17th 2013, 09:38 PM

It just started 5 months ago its not long. I don't understand. I thought at the beginning purging was the solution to all my problems. I wasn't addicted and still not. But now, I want to stop, I want to be healthy to get fit in the right way but I can't. Like two days ago, I started a new lifestyle, healthy, doing sports as always and today, the thought of food came across my mind, it was there and when I wanted to think about something else it would go back to it. It drove me to the supermarket, made me buy food. I came back home, the urge was gone, but I had the food so I binged and purged. I feel so ashamed, guilty I broke my new lifestyle. I crashed down. Before when I was purging or binging I would never feel guilty but today yes. Cause I realize I wanna stop this and it doesn't want to leave me I don't understand. I've got some days where I won't worry about what I eat etc and others where I have to control the calories etc. I've got this voice telling me it's so much easier to starve or binge and purge to lose weight instead of doing it in the healthy way. It tells me everything will be fine when I'll lose this few pounds. And it's like my little secret I don't want to let go, it's like I'm the girl who has something different. It seems too that since I've stopped self harming the eating has getting worse.
I can't go back to the shrink cause its holiday and I can't tell my parents I've got problems cause everything is right in my life, I'm 7 weeks self harm free, no more bullied...
Tomorrow I'm going back to my healthy lifestyle. But I don't understand what's happening to me ?!!((
   
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Re: Am I becoming crazy ? - June 18th 2013, 12:15 PM

You're not going crazy and you have nothing to be ashamed of when talking to us. You're just struggling with eating which is what we're all here to support you through. It sounds to me like you might want to go back to your therapist and discuss it with them. There is also helplines you can call if you need help now 1-800-931-2237 (that is for the National Eating Disorder Association just for a place to start with).
You will be ok, you are trying to get healthy again which is an amazing step to start with. But don't be ashamed to ask for a little help, You should also find a way to tell your parents your struggling, that way you can get out of the house for the support you need, and if they've previously supported you when your challenged by things then at least you won't have to fear their reaction. You'll be ok




Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions
   
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Re: Am I becoming crazy ? - June 18th 2013, 03:30 PM

I just want to say you're doing really well 7 weeks SH free, congrats, that's really amazing. I can understand how when you stop one habit you end up doing more of another habit. I can relate because it happens to me too. I think talking to your therapist when you can, will help. And like Walflower says, don't be ashamed to ask for help. Wanting to get better is the first step to recovery. Also, even if you think you have everything going well, don't be ashamed that you're struggling okay? You're still working to get better and you'll get there.
I hope it goes well for you
stay strong
   
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Re: Am I becoming crazy ? - June 19th 2013, 07:24 PM

Thank you so much guys for being here and cheering me up !
You're amazing . I can't tell my parents but I'm going to take back my life and try to stop these habits.
You've been so good to me, so don't hesitate to message me whenever u want
   
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