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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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Fenzy Offline
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Scared to death TW - January 5th 2014, 04:08 PM

Haven't posted here in a while. Bit of a rant...


I really can't handle this eating disorder. I promised so many people I was done with it and here I am with a dangerously low BMI.. again. A few more pounds and I won't even be allowed into the treatment center I'm on the waiting list for. I'm scared. I don't want to die. But with each meal I skip, each binge/purge session, I am dying. When my parents find out, they will be so mad. I'm the most dysfunctional and unorganized anorexic you'll ever meet. I know what calories are in everything but I don't count them. I don't keep track of how many I eat. I just don't avoid calories altogether. If it's low cal, I'll eat it. If it's junk food and/or high calorie, I won't eat it. And if I do, I purge it. I'm weak. I'm cold. My BMI isn't even that low, it's just the way I lose the weight so quickly that makes me feel like I'm going to die. Last time I was at this weight, my doctor said my heart was too slow and my blood pressure was too low. I'm gonna die.. I'm too young. I'm only 16. 16, no period, barely any friends, too afraid to say anything to anyone because I'm afraid of them getting mad at me, or being disappointed, or judging me. I don't want to die but I don't want to gain weight either. I don't want to give my ED up. There's something I like about it, otherwise it'd be so easy to recover. I'm scared though. My anxiety is running wild. I can't sleep anymore.

I don't want to die..


Only you have the power to say,
"This is not how my story will end"



   
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Re: Scared to death TW - January 5th 2014, 06:10 PM

Hey Cassie,

Read your signature. You have the power to say that you will not let this disease kill you. Obviously, recovery isn't an easy choice that'll be all rainbows and butterflies, but you don't want to die. You want to live a happy life. Motivate yourself to a happier place. Talk to your parents about what is going on. See a doctor, get a meal plan, potentially.see outpatient help in your area if you can't currently get into inpatient. Fight for your life.


I said to the sun, "Tell me about the big bang"
& the sun said “it hurts to become."
Andrea Gibson, "I Sing The Body Electric; Especially When My Power Is Out"
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Fenzy Offline
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Re: Scared to death TW - January 5th 2014, 11:40 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Traci View Post
Hey Cassie,

Read your signature. You have the power to say that you will not let this disease kill you. Obviously, recovery isn't an easy choice that'll be all rainbows and butterflies, but you don't want to die. You want to live a happy life. Motivate yourself to a happier place. Talk to your parents about what is going on. See a doctor, get a meal plan, potentially.see outpatient help in your area if you can't currently get into inpatient. Fight for your life.

Thank you<3

I just have such a difficult time talking to my parents about it. They get mad easily and assume I'm not trying.

I am currently in outpatient and it doesn't seem to be working.


Only you have the power to say,
"This is not how my story will end"



   
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