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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Brodskie Offline
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Name: Brody
Age: 23
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Relapse control. - February 8th 2014, 08:27 AM

I've written out threads multiple times in this forum, but never posted one. I write to get things out, mostly. Also I have a very hard time admitting I need help, but here it goes.

I've lost control, it seems. I've struggled with an eating disorder since the 10th grade. I let starving myself and purging what I did eat control my life for more than two years. Along the way I also entered a toxic relationship with a girl who was anorexic herself, and we motivated each other. Towards the end of my senior year I finally let myself admit I needed help, broke up with the girl, got the required help, and started on a path to recovery. I had a good 6 months or so there, I ate one solid meal every day, I fought the desires to purge.

Enter university, taking a full course load while working full time overnights took its toll on my physical and mental state. Moving up quickly into management and extra responsibility at my job while being so young and taking on the task of university made me feel like my life was moving way too fast, I was out of control. Under the stress I started to relapse into my old ways and stopped eating again. It started out pretty simple. "I just don't have time, I'll eat later. I'll eat later." Later never came. Noticing that I had to buy larger sized pants as I got back to a more healthy weight certainly didn't help my mental state, either.

It's been almost a year now since I've been trying to get better, and I feel like I need help again. The past couple of months have been me faking meals to my roommate, skipping entire days of eating and being too tired from work and not eating to cope with the stresses of the world, so I just don't go to school anymore.

I'm not sure what I'm hoping to get from posting this long, drawn out thread. I guess I've been spending a lot of time cruising through pro-ana "thinspiration" sites tonight and it's been really doing some damage to what's left of my resilience. That, and never being able to ask for help in real life as a heterosexual male without getting asked "what're you, gay?" or "Isn't that a chick's disease?" is really discouraging. I got a lot of that when I tried to get help the first time...

Anyhow, thanks for taking the time to read this, whoever does. Just the thought in itself is appreciated.

...This time, I watch from the sidelines
Your ghost in the limelight
Face your fears and pierce the night...

Message me anytime
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Kindred Offline
You can handle anything
I've been here a while
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Re: Relapse control. - February 8th 2014, 03:25 PM

I PM'd you Brody

Take as long as you need.
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Always * Offline
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Re: Relapse control. - February 8th 2014, 08:35 PM

I read, it's ok, when you have a lot to say it's always nice when you know someone will actually take the time to read it.

I am sorry to hear you are struggling so much with various stresses in your life. I hope that things will get easier for you. Perhaps you should speak with your roommate. Are you guys close enough that you would be comfortable with approaching her? When I finally told my best friend about my struggles it made things so much easier for me because I knew someone in my life cared and understood about what I was going through.

If your school provides it as a service you can talk to a counsellor nutritionist there and they'll help you out.

If the reason you are feeling so out of control is due to everything you have to do can you maybe scale back? Stop volunteering somewhere or something like that?

Let me know if you need to talk

Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions
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