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Need2HelpHer Offline
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Please HELP ME & Stomach pains? - April 25th 2014, 10:47 PM

Hi all
sorry i don't know much about ED but my girlfriend (ok its a internet thing, we talk but she is far away, laugh now) anyway, she hardly ever eats and if she eats a lot she will throw up. I don't think she does that part daily but maybe week or so. We been talking this week about getting her back on the to a normal way of eating. She cant really go to her parents yet. I have to help her, i keep getting flashing in my head of her in the bathroom and.... its killing me. anyway, this we started to eat a little. She would maybe get like a cookie or chips around lunch time at school and meal at night. Today she ate a breakfest bar thing, the lunch some chips then what sounded like a good size meal. French fries and chicken. last time her big meal was Corn, a potatoes and meatloaf. She had held everything down this week so far. I am so proud of her. today was her best day. However she keeps telling me she is getting stomach pains that she is kind of like period cramps not hunger pains. I am getting this is just her body getting use to the food. However i am not sure and only guessing. as you can tell are not doctors so maybe this isn't the best why for her to over come this. so:
1>any idea what the stomach pain is about?
2>can she eat to much to soon?
3>what is still not enough for her?
4>what can do to help. i am always very supportive and always bragging on twitter and stuff about how proud i am that she gone this far. Also she good 4 weeks with out cutting!)
i guess i got more to ask but i am just really worried about the stomach pain right now. today she was 3 things (breakfast, lunch and dinner. i know the B and L wasn't much but its something right) I am so proud of her.

should we set goals? anything else beside stomach pains coming out way?

all the help please
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SparklingWine Offline
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Re: Please HELP ME & Stomach pains? - April 26th 2014, 02:35 PM

Hey there,

I think that it's awesome that you want to be there for your girlfriend. Plenty of people have long distance relationships, so totally okay! I'm going to answer your questions one at a time, and then explain as I go!

1>any idea what the stomach pain is about?
We, or I, are not doctors here, so don't take anything we say medically with ABSOLUTE assurance. This is something, that if continues or gets worse, that she will need to be seen for. My guess is, when you go that long with out eating, and you purge on top of it, putting food into your stomach can literally be a pain. I don't know how long she's had this eating disorder, but if you're purging on a consistent bases paired with starving, your body essentially becomes used to being 'empty' or throwing up. When it comes to purging, when a person eat, they purge (At least in the Bulimic sense). Your body becomes used to that, so every time you try and put something in, your body tries to push it out because that's what you've trained it to do. Does that make sense? I think while incorporating food back into everyday life, it's important to start small, and healthy. It's fantastic that she's eating, but eating the right foods can really aid in a less painful stomach. Of course, when she is ready, a nutritionist could help explain the right kinds of foods/meals to be eating according to her eating disorder, height, weight, etc.

2>can she eat to much to soon?
Yes. I kind of explained it up top, about the body feeling the need to rid the food because that's what it's used to. Like I said, it's important to start slow. Not only for her body, but her mental state as well. Refeeding can be a scary, triggering thing. So it's important to take caution, and for her to listen to her body.

3>what is still not enough for her?
I really don't know what you mean by this question, but if it pertains to food intake, that's highly dependent on the individuals. However, there is a thread on her called "A Guide to Healthy Eating" that will give you a general idea on how much is enough for her! http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f16-g...ealthy-eating/

4>what can do to help. i am always very supportive and always bragging on twitter and stuff about how proud i am that she gone this far. Also she good 4 weeks with out cutting!)
That's awesome on being a month clean from cutting! Huge step! You can be helpful by being educated. It shows a great deal to someone when you take the time to learn something this important. However, don't act like you understand. Because unless you've been through an eating disorder, you really don't understand. You can be a supportive, amazing, strong, reliable boyfriend simply by showing your care, and talking her through things that bug her. You can also encourage, but not push her. Encourage her to eat, be healthy but don't force her. One way that you can help, is by taking care of yourself too. Dealing with another persons struggles, willingly or not, can put stress on you as well. Obviously you're happy to help and to listen! But make sure you pay attention to your needs, and that you have a healthy outlet for your emotions too. In the end that will make you a stronger person, that will allow you to help your girlfriend with a clearer mind, and it will ultimately make you a stronger couple.

should we set goals?
Absolutely! Setting goals can be a huge help and success in recovery. It gives people something to look forward to, and be proud of when the goal is met. When you meet a goal, you're bound to feel better about yourself due to your sense of accomplishment. It's important that you don't set goals that aren't reachable, though. Make sure that in goal setting, you're staying realistic. And it's something that is attainable, just takes work!

I hope some of this helped! It's awesome that you evidently care so deep for this girl. You're an awesome boyfriend, and she's lucky to have you in her life.

Take care!

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Re: Please HELP ME & Stomach pains? - April 26th 2014, 04:42 PM

Thanks for the replies (lol joking). I am a cutter but been free for 6 days now and doing this, not just for me, but for her. I cant really tell her to fight her things if i am not willing to fight mine. I guess by the one thing i asked, is could she eat to much but you kind of answers that.

At first i was reply pushy with her (do you eat, why not, go eat) but then that scared me, they just might get her to just lie (being we just text so its easy). I rather her tell me, then lie and i promised her i wouldn't be a pushy about it and let her do this best she can. I will just be a reminder and support. Also i started to only eat what she did, like at lunch she tell me she only had a cookie and i bet like, ok just a cookie for me. but she felt bad, so again i thought i better not do that. Now its more of just asking her if she ate and what.
I need to come up with so goals, only goal we set so far is to eat 3 times, even if its small. Breakfest, lunch and dinner. But she seem to 'forget' her lunch money one day, and didn't get to breakfast in time once.

right now her biggest problem is the crumbs. its making her scared to eat and says it just making her really want to get it out of her when she does. She was with friends last night, and ate good, but told me they all had a snack later, she kind of wanted it but new it just make her stomach hurt.

she isn't, now, at a place to tell parents or get real help. Believe i have been down that road about her telling and she freaks. Her sister (older, in 20s) found out but has NO NOTHING i don't understand that. But i don't press it.

I am just so worried about her and i have my own issues i know. But i keep getting flashes in my head of her, alone in the bathroom, doing that you know. i cant help it, i just hits me like a lighting bolt and so scary and so sad. mostly hits me at night. this has made not cutting a little hard at night cause cutting will take my mind off her.

I will do anything i can to help her. even if it means her hating me. I even thought of writing a letter to her mother or something to alert her but thought that would just break a trust we have and she needs trust me. I will only do that if the problem gets very bad and i cant seem to help.

I cant stop worrying about her, she is to good of a person. she is prefect, looks amazing but cant see that. I love her to death but i hate this monster. I hate it more than the cutting. maybe cause i can understand and relate to the cutting, i don't know. This is just pure evil to me, and seems sad and lonely. I think i am more worried about it than she is but maybe cause its new to me and to her normal life.
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