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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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Complete Love. Offline
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Recovery setback - November 21st 2014, 07:14 AM

Gosh I havent been on TeenHelp in a while.. So much has happened in two years. I can definantly say I am a miracle and my life is a miracle. I have been on my journey to recovery for two years now and have been completely stable and recovered. Unfortunately I was diagnosed about a few months ago with Hpilory and GERD and then developed peptic ulcers in my stomach. As a result of this, I'v dropped quite a bit of weight UN intentionally. Despite that fact, all the weight loss is really messing with my mind. I'm trying so hard but recently most days I just want to stop eating all together. It seems like it would be easier. Yet still I know I cant go back to where I was. I dont want a life consumed and controlled by an eating disorder! I dont want to look like death. But I feel like this nightmare of mine is coming to pass. Its as if this eating disorder is forcefully taking over my mind and my life. The same fears are coming back and as I get up in the morning and look in the mirror. I'm slowly hating the person staring back at me more and more. I am trying to get help from doctors but i'v screwed up my health pretty bad. I feel like i'm failing everyone that's helped me get this far. I just want to stop fighting... but I know the only person that will ever fight for me is me. Any encouragment will help. Thanks

"If I could just unzip my skin, step out of this body, then I would see who I really am.” -Wintergirls

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Kindred Offline
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Re: Recovery setback - November 21st 2014, 04:17 PM

Hey, welcome back!

Okay so, firstly: good job. Recovery is bloody hard, so congrats. Secondly: your case isn't rare. A lot of recovered people, after losing weight due to another reason, or not being able to eat as much for a biological reason, find their old habits returning, and old thoughts and fears haunting them. It just happens, for whatever reason.

First things first, you need to get your weight back up, to a place where your mind is "happy" and stable. This is why people often can't recover at unhealthy weights: it's not where their mind is happy and healthy. True story. Anyway, to do this I suggest talking to your doctor. You're trying, and that's great. Stick with it. You're doing the right thing. You aren't letting anyone down, trust me. Hell no. You're doing great, this is just a tiny setback. You and I both know you can't go back down that horrible road.

Set a meal plan and stick.to.it. You're recovered, or mostly. You're not relapsing. These thoughts are coming back purely because you've dropped the weight. Likely, there's a biological reason. Get the weight back up, and the feelings should disappear. Thus, eating regularly is the key here. Get someone else to check up you're eating regularly, if you have to. Don't feel like a burden, don't worry, don't feel like a failure. You're not. You're still recovered, this is just something that happens unfortunately. Happened to me before too.

You got this. Be brave, kay? I'm here if you want to talk

Take as long as you need.
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Re: Recovery setback - November 21st 2014, 07:43 PM

First of all, congrats on being stable and recovered. That is quite an accomplishment and you should be very proud of yourself.

I think it is actually quite common for the ED thoughts and behaviors to reoccur again. Depending on the person, it can either affect them greatly or not.

I agree with what laura is saying. Try getting your weight back up to being stable and healthy. Set a meal plan up and follow that. You are not letting anyone down. Your mind is just telling you lies. Don't listen to it and just remember what you have learned so far. Talk with your doctor about any worries you may be having. It would be the right thing to do.

Recovery may seem hard, but I believe in you and you can get through this.

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Re: Recovery setback - November 23rd 2014, 04:03 PM

i have no idea what is that but as i've read this and my gf had the same problem. im not sure what can you do unless trying to be healthy firstly on your mind than on your body. if you need go seek for professional help. it helped her a lot.

wish you the best
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Re: Recovery setback - November 24th 2014, 11:38 PM

Congratulations on choosing recovery and being healthy/stable for so long! You're doing great and CAN continue to do well even if you falter a little bit at first.

I think the first thing to do would be to reach out to someone and ask for their help. You know that only you can do it, but a helping hand can't hurt. If you have a treatment team I would try to start seeing them more while you're struggling.

Some things you can do on your own though is creating a meal plan, like others have said. I think a meal plan is very helpful, especially when I had one in treatment. You can find an example meal plan here, but I suggest talking to a dietician about it so you don't create an unhealthy meal plan for yourself.

Another thing you can try when you get those thoughts or feelings is positive affirmations. These help big time when you force yourself to do them. It's basically just changing the bad thought and repeating it to yourself. Say if you think "I'm fat and to restrict (or act on other disordered behaviours)" You should change that thought to "I'm a beautiful human being and I deserve to eat/not purge." It's harder than it seems and you probably know that, but it's completely possible to change those thoughts and feel better.

Making yourself eat regularly so you get your weight back to where it was, I think, is key here. It seems that you didn't get these thoughts until your weight dropped, so getting your weight back up and using your coping strategies will help.

Best of luck and if you ever need anymore advice, please post again or message me!

“There is nothing beautiful about the wreckage of a human being.
There is nothing pretty about damage, about pain, about heartache.
What is beautiful is their strength, their resilience, their fortitude
as they display an ocean of courage when they pick through the
wreckage of their life to build something beautiful brand new,
against every odd that is stacked against them.” — Nikita Gill
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