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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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_Headphones_ Offline
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Out of control - July 31st 2015, 08:45 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

My Ed has been acting up for months now I could handle it then but now it seems like it is way out of control. I'm hardly eating and then I have to exercise for like 2 hours to get rid of everything. I would try and eat a cupcake but then the voice in my head would yell at me and tell me to put it down so I would. Then tuesday I had like nothing to eat so I thought I could have the cupcake turns out sister ate it and I lost control for over 1 1/2 over a stupid cupcake. Then yesterday I was having a panic attack because I couldn't go to the pool and exercise. I just need a little support. We are looking into treatment and I have an appointment with therapist on Monday. I just don't know what to do. I feel like I want to die because it's gotten so out of control. I feel like know one cares I'm struggling and that I'm very close to giving up. I just can't do it anymore. I need a life. I actually calmed myself down from a panic attack because I picked some sores and was bleeding. That shouldn't of calmed me down but it did. I just can't do this anymore.

I usually don't count calories but i just looked up how many I'm going to eat tonight and how much I need to swim to burn it off. This is taking control. I honestly don't know what to do.

Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are
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Last edited by _Headphones_; July 31st 2015 at 10:01 PM.
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Re: Out of control - August 3rd 2015, 02:11 AM


Sorry I didn't reply to this earlier my lovely

You say you're looking into treatment, and I'm really glad about that. I know you've been struggling for a while, so I'm really glad you're going to get some support for this. I know that especially when you've been struggling for a while it can feel like this is never going to end. I promise you, you can recover.

When you feel like the thoughts are taking over or like you're going to have a panic attack, try really distracting yourself. It can take a while to find something that really works for you, but while you're seeking treatment it can be really helpful to have a "go to" thing to keep your mind off things.

We're always here for you, I hope you find treatment right for you

Take as long as you need.
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Re: Out of control - August 3rd 2015, 04:17 AM

Hey there,

I think it is great that you are looking into treatment. I hope that you are able to find a treatment center that works for you. I think if you find the right treatment center you will get a lot of support from the people and you will gain some insight into your eating disorder which will help you work on overcoming it.

Are there things that help you when you are feeling overwhelmed or feel like you are gonna have a panic attack? I know that there have been times when going into chat has helped me overcome some instances of panic. Also, writing a blog or responding to different threads have been helpful. There are different things you can try it just might take time to find the things that work well for you. I know it took me ages to find things to work and there were times when I thought I was beyond help.

You can get through this and get to a better place. Your eating disorder doesn't have to rule your life. Focus on getting into a treatment center and see how that goes.

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