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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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Purpleturtle Offline
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Unhappy Nobody's listening - November 8th 2015, 08:42 PM

Swim season is starting again... And I hate it. It's not that I don't like the people there or anything I just don't enjoy the sport competitively anymore. I've tried to quit 6 times and my dad actually told me that he doesn't care if I'm happy because I'm doing the sport for the next 3 years. So I asked if I dropped edited lbs if I could quit, he said if I did we could talk about it. For a little while now I got it to under edited calories per day. It felt great but by the end of the month because of all the Halloween candy and my lack of self control I have actually gained wait. I feel completely destroyed. This sport has effected me so negatively and nobody's listening even if Ive said it a million times. For a little while I actually WANTED an eating disorder and it scares the hell out of me. Swimming is taking away from the things that I want to do (like I want to do more dance and be in the musical but I cant swimming is 2 1/2 hrs a week sometimes more 5 days a week). I'm not interested in any new sports and it's too late for me to get into them, and according to dad dance is not enough. Any advice for me?

Last edited by Hypothesis.; November 9th 2015 at 12:00 AM. Reason: Please don't include weight/calorie numbers. :)
   
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Re: Nobody's listening - November 9th 2015, 07:07 PM

Hi,

That sounds like a really hard position to be in. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? It's not fair you're having to continue doing swim just for your dad's sake- this is your life, and things like this are your choice to make. Is there anyone you can speak to outside your family, like your swim instructor? He or she may be able to speak to your dad for you. Would it help if you sat down and talked to your dad, really emphasizing the negative effects this is having on you? I know that's not always possible to get through to someone, but it's worth a try. Getting other people to speak to him might help too, but if worst comes to worst...could you just quit swim anyway? What will your dad do? If he's just going to be a little disappointed, it might be worth it, because it really doesn't sound like this is good for you, and I'm not sure why he wants you to lose weight in order to stop doing something that's causing you harm.

If it's that your dad wants you to be healthy, you might want to remind him that mental health is equally as important as physical health. Yes exercising regularly is healthy, but not if it's causing you this much distress. And it's never too late to try new sports! Maybe on a competitive level, sure, but even then I know people who started in their late teens and are really really good! That's not the only point of sport, remember. It's for fun and health too. There's nothing wrong with just going for a jog or yes, even dancing. That's exercise, and dancing a few times a week is enough exercise, especially if you incorporated walking into your lifestyle. Swimming is by no means the only option here, and I hope your dad will come to see that. Really consider speaking to someone at school or swimming about this, they might be able to talk to him for you.

Best wishes!

Laura



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Re: Nobody's listening - November 9th 2015, 11:19 PM

The best advice I can give is to reach out for help. If you google helplines, hospital & where you live I think you could find a therapist (or similar), because it's impossible to fight an ed without your parents support, and I think a therapist or a family counselor could help.
You're not supposed to go through your life trying to please the people around you, you're supposed to find you're own path, friends and dreams
Best of luck to you, stay strong!
And btw, an eating disorder is an eating disorder, it's not your fault and if people don't take you seriously they are gonna have to try


"Honey don't stop trying & you'll get what you deserve"
- Axl Rose
   
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Re: Nobody's listening - November 12th 2015, 08:55 PM

I'm sorry to hear that your dad is taking such extreme measures. It is totally unnecessary to expect you to work out 2 and 1/2 hours a day 5 or more days a week, especially when it is taking away from other things you'd like to be doing with your time. My concern is that it also sounds like your dad is making it about your weight, which is also unhealthy. It would be one thing for you to swim that much if you enjoyed it, but not if you don't.

I honestly agree so much with Laura; it's never too late to learn a new sport. I learned to curl when I was 17, and I learned to play tennis when I was 20 and I enjoy both sports, even though I'll never be good enough to go pro (I don't play sports competitively any how so it's not like it matters).

Again, if you just quit, what's the worst your dad can do besides be disappointed or something? It should pass even if he's ticked for a few weeks. Is there any way to strike more of a balance though? Like maybe you swim 3 times a week and start doing something else on the other days (e.g. maybe you cross country ski 3 times a week in the winter, or start running for a 10 k race, etc.). I would like to mention that lots of sports, like soccer or dance, will run a second winter session that runs January to April, more or less, and that might be worth checking out and seeing if anything your interested in is offered in that sort of a format.

I also had high pressure parents like that; they called me fat ALLLLLL the time, and trust me, I wasn't fat (at the time, at least) and they'd try to control what I ate. I know it is a different kind of pressure, but any kind of pressure or control over your body, and what you eat or how you exercise in the ways that you're experiencing are unhealthy; there are better ways for your father to be managing it; like talking about your weight is not a good idea, refusing to take your enjoyment into consideration is also pretty thoughtless. Obviously just letting you sit around on the couch 24/7 while eating potato chips and cheeseburgers shouldn't be the alternative, but a balance can be found. Heck, I wouldn't even object to someone exercising a lot as long as you enjoyed it, pro athletes exercise for a few hours a day and it's not an issue but that's because the mentality of it is for the passion or love of a sport and not because of eating disordered thinking. It might be helpful to confront your dad and tell him how his treatment of you has been harmful, how it hurts, don't bargain, don't offer to do X in order to quit, just lay it out and let him know how it's not ok. Maybe you could go to a counselling or health care office and ask for some kind of pamphlet that would address your concerns with your dad, that way you can give it to him to read over. If you need to, mabe write him a letter.




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